# What do you do with coconuts? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 1, 2008, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334 "2008-06-01T05:43:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2008, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/21 "2008-06-01T22:45:31Z")
[QUOTE=Musicat] And then do you have a lovely bunch? [/QUOTE] Yes, they’re delightful. I think the best thing about them is the variety of sizes. There are big ones **and** small ones. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/22 "2008-06-02T00:10:38Z")
[QUOTE=elfkin477] Yes, they’re delightful. I think the best thing about them is the variety of sizes. There are big ones **and** small ones. [/QUOTE] Are there some as big as your head? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/23 "2008-06-02T00:47:17Z")
Chop off the top. Drain. Fill with at least three types of rum, pineapple juice, and a touch of curacao. Add ice and straws. ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/24 "2008-06-02T00:49:08Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] Chop off the top. Drain. Fill with at least three types of rum, pineapple juice, and a touch of curacao. Add ice and straws. [/QUOTE] This is good only if you have the young green coconuts. The mature brown coconuts that the OP had don’t really have much in the way of sweet juice and meat. ---
**Author:** ![Amblydoper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/25 "2008-06-02T01:21:56Z")
Scrap off the meat, and toast it in the oven… LOW heat. Delicious all by itself. Drizzle on some simple syrup if you prefer a sweetened taste. > [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > One of my favorite things to do one is to grate the meat into a bowl lined with paper towels, dry it off as much as possible, and then fold it in to a meringue mixture I’ve prepared. Put the glop into a pastry bag, pump out one to two-inch rounds, and patiently bake in a low-heat oven for a while. > > As for the meringue, its composition is key. It contains, among other things, a VERY VERY small amount of almond extract (small as in one or two toothpicks dipped and dropped small), an even smaller hint of ginger, some vanilla, sugar, paprika (just kidding), and the suggestion of scotch or spiced rum. > > Note the pattern here – there is an extraordinary delicacy to the suspension of flavors, so be careful not to turn any particular volume higher than one. The coconut should clearly dominate but not overwhelm (i.e., they shouldn’t be chewy), but the lattice supporting it should be overwhelmingly mysterious. Think dressing the flavor in a negligé – sometimes what’s provocative is what’s just slightly hidden. Uh, YUM? seriously, I think I need to try this. ---
**Author:** ![robby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robby/32/11048_2.png) [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/26 "2008-06-02T03:30:41Z")
[QUOTE=Rhythmdvl] Juggle them while walking a bridge alarmingly close its weight limit. 😃 [/QUOTE] I just heard this same thing as a “solution” in one of my son’s puzzle books. You know that wouldn’t actually work, right? ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/27 "2008-06-02T05:13:47Z")
[Coconuts are so far down on the left they couldn’t be fit on the chart. Ever spent half an hour trying to open a coconut with a rock? Fuck coconuts.](http://xkcd.com/388/) Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/28 "2008-06-02T10:26:56Z")
[QUOTE=Mtgman] [Coconuts are so far down on the left they couldn’t be fit on the chart. Ever spent half an hour trying to open a coconut with a rock? Fuck coconuts.](http://xkcd.com/388/) Enjoy, Steven [/QUOTE] God, I love that guy. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/29 "2008-06-02T11:52:26Z")
[QUOTE=Renee] God, I love that guy. [/QUOTE] Except he’s wrong about oranges. “Difficult” and “untasty”? ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/30 "2008-06-02T19:31:41Z")
I clear them off my front yard weekly and throw them in the garden waste bag… what? I actually like coconut, but I just can’t be bothered dealing with the mess. The one time I did have one because my mother was visiting (“oh my god you have coconuts litering your garden, how cool!”), it tasted fine. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/31 "2008-06-02T19:59:31Z")
Om nom nom nom! ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/32 "2008-06-02T20:20:44Z")
I had a chance to try some coconuts at different stages in their lifecycle. If you wait until they sprout, the milk has turned into a fluffy concoction that fills the empty space in the nut. Someone described it as being like natural cotton candy. That’s not quite right, but I’ll be damned if I can think of a better description. Fascinating plant. And the image of our second mate, Emma, wailing on that coconut with a machete, will not soon leave me. ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/33 "2008-06-02T20:38:35Z")
[QUOTE=Robot Arm] I had a chance to try some coconuts at different stages in their lifecycle. If you wait until they sprout, the milk has turned into a fluffy concoction that fills the empty space in the nut. Someone described it as being like natural cotton candy. That’s not quite right, but I’ll be damned if I can think of a better description. Fascinating plant. [/QUOTE] Some describe it to be like a marshmallow. As an excruciatingly-correct nitpick, the liquid inside the coconut is coconut water or coconut juice. Coconut milk is extracted out of the coconut meat. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/34 "2008-06-02T21:34:15Z")
I don’t bother with whole coconuts unless they’re fresh off the tree in the tropics. I’ve had them in the South Pacific and in the Caribbean: ambrosia. Elsewhere? Soap, pretty much. (Grate. Dry thoroughly. Toast slowly in a heavy skillet. Add to salad. Mmm.) ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/35 "2008-06-02T22:43:43Z")
[QUOTE=Robot Arm] …And the image of our second mate, Emma, wailing on that coconut with a machete, will not soon leave me. [/QUOTE] Actually, the best way to open one of them is to sharpen a steak (the wood kind) drive it into the ground and then sharpen the end sticking up to use that to peel off the husk. Those that try to use a machete are doomed to frustration. Everyone who has explained about the milk of a brown coconut being bad is very accurate. Some of the things a coconut nut itself can be halved, three quartered, and used as a cup. If you leave a bit of the outer shell and husk, it can even be made so it stands. The fiber can be made into cord and then that can be woven into rope. When burnt, the fiber will smoke sufficently to keep mousquitos away. Coconut husks burn slowly and create good coals for cooking but you have to be patient and wait for them to burn down. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/36 "2008-06-03T03:12:22Z")
[QUOTE=Terminus Est] As an excruciatingly-correct nitpick, the liquid inside the coconut is coconut water or coconut juice. Coconut milk is extracted out of the coconut meat. [/QUOTE] Yes, that’s true. When we’re served a fresh coconut at the beach, with a straw in it, it IS juice, a clear liquid. And you see bottled coconut juice sometime. Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever noticed coconut milk for sale here. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/37 "2008-06-03T03:24:21Z")
[QUOTE=TV time] Actually, the best way to open one of them is to sharpen a steak (the wood kind) drive it into the ground and then sharpen the end sticking up to use that to peel off the husk. Those that try to use a machete are doomed to frustration. [/QUOTE] You don’t know Emma. I saw her with the machete and figured she was going to saw away at the husk or pry the fibers away. Uh uh. I think it was four solid whacks and she was in. Don’t mess with a sailor; even one named Emma. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/38 "2008-06-03T03:38:08Z")
[QUOTE=Robot Arm] You don’t know Emma. I saw her with the machete and figured she was going to saw away at the husk or pry the fibers away. Uh uh. I think it was four solid whacks and she was in. Don’t mess with a sailor; even one named Emma. [/QUOTE] Yes, machete. They can wield them wickedly here, too, whacking coconuts. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/39 "2008-06-03T06:01:39Z")
Sell as [Gollywhopper eggs](http://www.americanfolklore.net/folktales/me4.html). ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334/40 "2008-06-03T12:37:38Z")
Tell all of your friends and family how you think coconuts are kind of gross and don’t eat them. Then eat a green one and curse the universe for trying to pass brown coconuts off as food. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-do-with-coconuts/451334.md?page=3)