# What do you put on bagels? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 5, 2012, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551 "2012-01-05T22:06:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![slm2955](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/21 "2012-01-05T23:14:56Z")
Cream cheese :d. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/22 "2012-01-05T23:20:47Z")
Jelly? What’s next, salsa? Cream cheese all the way. Butter if no cream cheese is available. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/23 "2012-01-05T23:22:30Z")
Cream cheese, of course. Jelly? WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/24 "2012-01-05T23:23:24Z")
I haven’t had a bagel in ages. I don’t normally eat cream cheese anymore, but I’m thinking hummus would be good. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/25 "2012-01-05T23:24:51Z")
Cream cheese. Jelly? :eek: -XT ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/26 "2012-01-05T23:29:35Z")
Sweet bagels are an abomination unto the senses. Bagels need to be Onion / Garlic / Salt or Everything! ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/27 "2012-01-05T23:35:57Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Cream cheese, and gravlax if I can get it. Otherwise there’s no point in eating a bagel. Agree. Cream cheese, lox, purple onion, capers, and maybe some tomato. JELLY?! That’s, like, ketchup, or Miracle Whip. WTF. ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/28 "2012-01-05T23:59:43Z")
Butter, or cream cheese for me. I only like the onion bagels. Also, if I’m feeling like I need to have something comforting, I’ll fry up a slice of bologna, and slap it, along with a slice of cheese, on a lightly toasted, warm, onion bagel. Mmmmm. That’s my comfort food. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/29 "2012-01-06T00:04:56Z")
Cream cheese, and ideally nova lox, or perhaps other smoked fish (chubs, whitefish, etc.) Cream cheese and jam or preserves on rare occasions, but only on plain or seame bagels. Butter-only in cases of desperation. On rare occasions I might do something like a tuna melt on a bagel, but plain jelly? That’s just _weird._ ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/30 "2012-01-06T00:07:42Z")
I’ve put jelly on a bagel and I still think he’s wrong. It’s not in any way, shape, or form a common bagel topping. That’s like saying everybody knows you put an egg on a hamburger - sure, I’ve heard of that but it’s by no means the norm. I think he owes you head. Or at least a bagel. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/31 "2012-01-06T00:15:22Z")
> [@Chopper9760](#): > > I think he owes you head. Or at least a bagel. How about a head-cheese bagel? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/32 "2012-01-06T00:44:44Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Did you just compair your current SO to staid plain cream cheese, 'cus if so, I think I would…not tell her. Whew - she’d murder me if you did. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/33 "2012-01-06T00:51:30Z")
Cream cheese, goat cheese and jelly, goat cheese (by itself), cream cheese and jelly, honey, butter and honey, jelly (by itself), or rarely fruit butter or fruit sauce (like applesauce). In approximate order of frequency/preference. If from Hannah’s Bretzels, _definitely_ both cream cheese and their fab fruit preserves. !! So, yes to both poll options. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/34 "2012-01-06T00:58:09Z")
You need to streamline his narrow ass and send him down the road to where he can have jelly on his bagels and eat those fake croissants, too. He probably likes airline food and ketchup on his hotdogs. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/35 "2012-01-06T00:58:42Z")
I was raised Jewish. My Dad is Jewish. My Dad eats everything on everything. I’ve never seen him, or anyone else, put jelly on a bagel. Toast, sure. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/36 "2012-01-06T01:15:04Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I don’t really know the answer to that— I’m glad I can find out these obvious moral failings before things get too serious though. 😉 > > He’s saying that this thread is proof is that he’s right, because somewhere out there, there are people who have put jelly on a bagel. But friends, this is not what was originally presented to me. No. Instead, what he said was: " i’m judging you even more for not knowing that like EVERYONE PUT JELLY ON BAGELS. ask your friends. . . I DARE YOU" and “laughing at the future event where you find most people put jelly on bagels.” I believe we all know that “everyone” and “most people” means. . . everyone and most people. So, what other monstrosities does he consume? Let’s just say that if there was a Yahweh anyone putting jelly on bagel would wake up with boils, toads in the bed, and his bathtub red with blood. If he were lucky. How do I know? 3,000 years of tradition. Cream cheese or butter are the right answers. Nova lox is good, of course, but also sable and even whitefish if you are close to good appetizing, which I am not. And I will do without rather than eat stupid supermarket rolls with holes. At least I have a Noah’s nearby which is marginally acceptable. The other bagel places around are run by people with no clue as to what makes a decent bagel. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/37 "2012-01-06T01:18:00Z")
> [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > Cream cheese, and ideally nova lox, or perhaps other smoked fish (chubs, whitefish, etc.) Cream cheese and jam or preserves on rare occasions, but only on plain or seame bagels. Butter-only in cases of desperation. On rare occasions I might do something like a tuna melt on a bagel, but plain jelly? That’s just _weird._ I made my post before I read this. Donald Trump may be an idiot, but the Trump Plaza in Atlantic City had excellent whitefish when I was at a conference in Atlantic City 10 years ago. It is something more or less impossible to get in the Bay Area. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/38 "2012-01-06T01:35:44Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I think that your boyfriend [eats stupid food for breakfast](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=345430). But as for your question, I rarely eat bagels any longer, but when I did, I had plain cream cheese on them. From that OP: “He has manners but no tact. He’s loud and self-important. He finds ways to work his IQ into everyday conversation. No really, he does. When you CASUALLY starts asking about something for no reason you can be sure he’s trying to set things up so he can talk about his own intelligence. He speaks in a high-pitched whine. His inflection is 6 different types of annoying. He’s fat.” And it was a _Doper_ complaining about this… 😛 Anyway, obviously your boyfriend is stupid. Jelly has no place on a bagel. ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/39 "2012-01-06T01:49:12Z")
I have on more than one occasion put jelly on a toasted buttered bagel. While it is not a traditional topping like cream cheese it is no weirder than putting jelly on toast. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551/40 "2012-01-06T02:05:57Z")
Just dump the guy. Nobody puts jelly on a bagel. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-put-on-bagels/608551.md?page=3)