# What do you think 16/26 with extenuating circumstances? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 10, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878 "2013-08-10T17:20:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2013, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/21 "2013-08-11T09:51:02Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Definitely playing the pronoun game. Ha! That’s it! Hold it right there! Pronoun trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2013, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/22 "2013-08-11T11:16:10Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Ha! That’s it! Hold it right there! Pronoun trouble. Duck season! Fire!! ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2013, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/23 "2013-08-11T12:19:05Z")
I generally strongly discourage all people who are under college graduate age or so from pursuing serious relationships (and being with someone much older is much more likely to become serious.) In our society, there is an enormous amount of personal growth and development at these ages, and I don’t think it’s helpful to have another person-- one who is highly unlikely to become your actual life partner-- playing a major role in that. ---
**Author:** ![newenglandmom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/58f4c7/32.png) [@newenglandmom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newenglandmom)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/24 "2013-08-19T21:55:13Z")
I am new and didnt post the gender of my child on purpose thats true. Pregnancy is a non issue as both ‘parties’ are aware of bc and have access. I agree that marriage and or a long term serious relationship seem extremely unlikely - in addition to all the other obstacles the lack of maturity from my child is extremely apparent. Believe it or not! 16 is the legal age of consent in our state so no stat. rape if there is any sexual relationship hasnt happened yet. I agree that it seems that ‘lust is driving the train’ from the outside but I have been privy to all msgs and txts and have witnessed them in person and theres none of the innuendo, or coersion you would understandably expect. In fact it seems as though my child might benefit more from the relationship as sick or crazy as that may sound, if there is one… themes of assertiveness, honest communication and how to set appropriate boundaries, emotional and other wise seem to be the themes here… and I know it doesnt seem like it would be, but actually they both seem interested in a genuine relationship but obviously the 26 yr old is more ready (x 10000) not pushing it in any way just obviously more mature… and seems more concerned with getting hurt emotionally… I swear! I am the mom of the 16 yr old and it seems so wierd but they do hang out in multi age groups as we live in a small rural area where thats normal due to cousins and extended families etc… ( not the dating part) idk if they will date even with our permission if we give it bc 26 yr old is seeing how immature my child is and has more reservations now… and yes! except for respect of parties involved how do you REALLY prevent your teen from moving forward… agreed! ---
**Author:** ![KermitTheFrig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/47e85d/32.png) [@KermitTheFrig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KermitTheFrig)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/25 "2013-08-19T22:39:36Z")
Just about the same scenario I was in years ago. I had dated a 17 year old when I was 18. I had dated another 17 year old when I was 21. Later I dated a 17 year old when I was 27. We were together two years. Sometime during our relationship she realized she was bisexual or gay and ended up leaving to pursue a same sex relationship. (Almost thirty years later we’ve still been on friendly terms, though now she lives quite a distance away.) She was very intelligent, went to an excellent college and got a great job with a national retailer. Our mutual friends and family seemed not to be terribly concerned about our age difference. I live a few blocks from her parents and still say hi to them when I see them. Ten years later, when I was 39 I married my wife who was 29. She had been a high school classmate of “girl #3” above. (And in between, I’d enjoyed a long platonic friendship with another high school classmate of the two of them.) My wife and I are ten and a half years apart in age and we’ve been married 16 years now. As far as the OP’s situation, 16/26 can be bad, it can be good and it can be anything in between. I would NEVER make a blanket statement about what is “right” or “wrong.” It depends. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/26 "2013-08-19T22:43:45Z")
I think it should be reduced to 8/13. Hell, they teach you that in 6th grade! That OP hurt my head. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/27 "2013-08-20T11:54:24Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > That OP hurt my head. Yeah, don’t blink or you’ll use your place. **newenglandmom** , paragraphs and line breaks are your friend. Walls of text are difficult to read. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/28 "2013-08-20T15:04:37Z")
For what it is worth (and I don’t know the exact age difference) one of my friends from high school became involved with an older, divorced man when we were 17. I have no idea when they started actually dating after a year of “talking” but she did graduate and go off to college before they got married. We graduated high school in 1975…they’ve been together since at least 1974. So it CAN work out. However, as far as I know nothing happened before she turned 18. If they can wait, so can your daughter. Or son. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/29 "2013-08-20T16:36:25Z")
> [@newenglandmom](#): > > I am new and didnt post the gender of my child on purpose thats true. Pregnancy is a non issue as both ‘parties’ are aware of bc and have access. I agree that marriage and or a long term serious relationship seem extremely unlikely - in addition to all the other obstacles the lack of maturity from my child is extremely apparent. Believe it or not! 16 is the legal age of consent in our state so no stat. rape if there is any sexual relationship hasnt happened yet. I agree that it seems that ‘lust is driving the train’ from the outside but I have been privy to all msgs and txts and have witnessed them in person and theres none of the innuendo, or coersion you would understandably expect. In fact it seems as though my child might benefit more from the relationship as sick or crazy as that may sound, if there is one… themes of assertiveness, honest communication and how to set appropriate boundaries, emotional and other wise seem to be the themes here… and I know it doesnt seem like it would be, but actually they both seem interested in a genuine relationship but obviously the 26 yr old is more ready (x 10000) not pushing it in any way just obviously more mature… and seems more concerned with getting hurt emotionally… I swear! I am the mom of the 16 yr old and it seems so wierd but they do hang out in multi age groups as we live in a small rural area where thats normal due to cousins and extended families etc… ( not the dating part) idk if they will date even with our permission if we give it bc 26 yr old is seeing how immature my child is and has more reservations now… and yes! except for respect of parties involved how do you REALLY prevent your teen from moving forward… agreed! Well put. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/30 "2013-08-20T17:17:46Z")
Was it on this board that someone posted the dating age range formulas that were something like: min= 1/2(Your age) +7 max= 2(Your age) -7 So a 16-year old can date ages 15 - 25. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/31 "2013-08-20T18:24:52Z")
> [@Gedd](#): > > Was it on this board that someone posted the dating age range formulas that were something like: > > min= 1/2(Your age) +7 > max= 2(Your age) -7 > > So a 16-year old can date ages 15 - 25. Sorry. The rule is not associative: you don’t apply it upward, only downward. A 26 year old uses the rule to determine that the youngest person he can date without being a creep is 20. If the 20 year old wants to know what the oldest person she can date without him being a creep, she’d have to treat the age of the older person as a variable and solve for x. She would then discover that 26 is the cutoff, assuming she paid attention in algebra. In the case of a 16 year old, the math is (x/2)+7 = 16, or x = 18. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/32 "2013-08-20T18:59:34Z")
> [@Gedd](#): > > Was it on this board that someone posted the dating age range formulas that were something like: > > min= 1/2(Your age) +7 > max= 2(Your age) -7 > > So a 16-year old can date ages 15 - 25. Sorry. Completely arbitrary. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/33 "2013-08-20T19:19:14Z")
I was going to say I was impressed that the 26 yo sat down with you and your 16 yo and you all had a conversation. But I’m relieved by the subsequent post that it will probably be a non-issue. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/34 "2013-08-20T19:38:37Z")
Ummm…'scuse me, but can we backtrack quite a bit? Is the OP’s family related to Jerry Lee Lewis? In addition to the age-difference thing, how is it that nobody has a problem with the cousin/cousine issue? The family might have accepted it, but JLL’s career bombed when that news went public. –G??? ‘Cause the best things of lovin’ with her sister and her cousin Only started with a little kiss Like this …–Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) …_Walk This Way_ …Toys in the Attic ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/35 "2013-08-20T19:46:28Z")
> [@Grestarian](#): > > Ummm…'scuse me, but can we backtrack quite a bit? > > Is the OP’s family related to Jerry Lee Lewis? > In addition to the age-difference thing, how is it that nobody has a problem with the cousin/cousine issue? The family might have accepted it, but JLL’s career bombed when that news went public. > > –G??? > ‘Cause the best things of lovin’ > with her sister and her cousin > Only started with a little kiss > Like this > …–Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) > …_Walk This Way_ > …Toys in the Attic It’s not the kid’s cousin, it’s a cousin of the kid’s friend. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/36 "2013-08-20T20:20:12Z")
26 is not that old. I say let them date, have fun, and do whatever they want. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_fun_ball/32/17664_2.png) [@Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Fun_Ball)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/37 "2013-08-20T20:26:26Z")
> [@newenglandmom](#): > > I am new and didnt post the gender of my child on purpose thats true. Pregnancy is a non issue as both ‘parties’ are aware of bc and have access. \ Pregnancy is always a possibility regardless of access to birth control. I know this from experience. > [@newenglandmom](#): > > I agree that marriage and or a long term serious relationship seem extremely unlikely - in addition to all the other obstacles the lack of maturity from my child is extremely apparent. Believe it or not! 16 is the legal age of consent in our state so no stat. rape if there is any sexual relationship hasnt happened yet. I agree that it seems that ‘lust is driving the train’ from the outside but I have been privy to all msgs and txts and have witnessed them in person and theres none of the innuendo, or coersion you would understandably expect. In fact it seems as though my child might benefit more from the relationship as sick or crazy as that may sound, if there is one… themes of assertiveness, honest communication and how to set appropriate boundaries, emotional and other wise seem to be the themes here… and I know it doesnt seem like it would be, but actually they both seem interested in a genuine relationship but obviously the 26 yr old is more ready (x 10000) not pushing it in any way just obviously more mature… and seems more concerned with getting hurt emotionally… I swear! I am the mom of the 16 yr old and it seems so wierd but they do hang out in multi age groups as we live in a small rural area where thats normal due to cousins and extended families etc… ( not the dating part) idk if they will date even with our permission if we give it bc 26 yr old is seeing how immature my child is and has more reservations now… and yes! except for respect of parties involved how do you REALLY prevent your teen from moving forward… agreed! Meh. How can I decide better than you when you are actually there and witnessing the interactions and know the people involved? I can opine that if one of my daughters was the 16 year old I would most likely be very against it. There is a huge age difference between a 16 year old and a 26 year old and I would really question how it could end well. Why would a 26 year old want to date a 16 year old anyway? Huge red flag. How is this going to affect the 16 year old’s development, are they going to have to grow up in a hurry? Most 26 year old people are starting to move into the stage of life where dating becomes more serious; you know marriage and kids. Even if the 26 year is not interested in this, it is just a different time of life, or should be. A sixteen year old should be experimenting and sowing their oats, and then only just. From a hypothetical point of view, I don’t like it, but again how can I judge better than you? ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/38 "2013-08-21T19:30:46Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > It’s not the kid’s cousin, it’s a cousin of the kid’s friend. Ah! Thank you. I guess I lost my place in the verbiage and didn’t catch that critical bit of info. –G! Yeah, I know. I use way to many paragraph breaks. ---
**Author:** ![breezman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@breezman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breezman)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878/39 "2013-08-21T22:55:30Z")
> [@Gedd](#): > > Was it on this board that someone posted the dating age range formulas that were something like: > > min= 1/2(Your age) +7 > max= 2(Your age) -7 > > So a 16-year old can date ages 15 - 25. Sorry. The rule for max would be (x-7)\*2, which is the inverse function of x/2+7. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-16-26-with-extenuating-circumstances/665878.md?page=1)