The last woman with whom I was intimate was 11 years my junior. We met when I was 20 and she was 9. Way back then, she developed a huge crush on me. I ended up having to ask an adult female friend to explain to her that I was way too old for her, because she was starting to act out inappropiately (nothing sexual, just being far too obvious with her infatuation - I also made sure that I was never alone with her).
Fast forward a few years. I was 29, and I ran into her quite by accident when we both happened to be taking the same bus. I hadn’t seen her since she was 10. And it just happened to be her 18th birthday. And she had turned into quite a stunner. She hadn’t forgotten me. And one thing led to another…
Unfortunately, that relationship didn’t work out. I suspect I didn’t quite live up to whatever fantasy she had held onto in the years since I had last seen her.
My brother is 5 years younger than me. I have dated men between myself and Bro in age, but just don’t seem to see the potential in guys younger than him. So that would be my lower limit, for now. I accept the statement that as you get older, your definitions shift. That only makes sense.
Lately, I have been going through an “older-man phase.” The guys I have been drawn to have turned out to be 7-15 years older than me, with the exception of one fellow who I strongly suspect to be flirting with 60, making him closer to 30 years older than me. Thankfully, the majority of these attractive older men are married, and I am not required to do more than look.
I am finding, however, that it is not age which is the deciding factor here, but a combination of experience and outlook. Tom, my attractive 60-ish boss, has been a lot of places, done a lot of things, and has a great and child-like enthusiasm for life and living. That is what I find attractive about him. Simon, a recent fling who is roughly 8 years older than me, had been through some really tough challenges, and had retained his humour and grace, where many people would have been bitter. Doug, another older, married colleague, is attractive partially because he looks a lot like Richard Gere, but mostly because he has a way with people that makes whomever he is speaking to, feel like they have his absolute and undivided attention.
My current boyfriend is slightly more than 5.5 years older than I am (he’s currently 28, I am 23). Before this, I usually dated people who were closer to my own age, but that was mostly by chance and had nothing to do with “age rules” of any kind. All I can say, is it’s not so different from the relationships I’ve had with guys my own age, except he does seem more mature about some things. It’s hard to say if that is just his particular personality, though.
He doesn’t really *seem * any older than me. In fact, I hardly even think about it. I think that’s because we have a lot of the same interests, etc., and are both at similar stages of life right now.
The only time that I even notice the age gap at all is when he’s telling me stories about his childhood and says stuff like, “yeah, I remember in 1980 blah blah happening.” Then I stop to think, and I’m like “wow…I wasn’t even born then!”
With my two long term relationships, one was 5 years my senior, the other 7 years my junior. I have also had relationships with guys up to 20 years my junior.
After these experiences I prefer someone around my own age. I’ve found there are too many differences in tastes, interests, humour even mixing with friends when there is a large age gap.
I’ve heard take you age divide it by 3 then subtract 4 to get the socially expectable age difference. So at the age of 18 two years is reasonable. At 30 six years is. And at 72 a whopping 20 years. I have stupid formulas for everything.
She is almost 12 years older than me. We have been married for 13 years.
She is blessed with youthful skin and naturally trim physique, from her mother of course, so few people realize just how far apart we really are. When we tall them, they are always surprised (or at least they pretend to be).
I have been ribbing her a little more than normal recently since she is bare months away from fifty, and our ages will sound alarmingly far apart.
You do realise that technically that makes no sense, don’t you?
I mean, a 42 yr old man can, according to your formula, date someone 10 yrs his junior (32). However, even if the woman was 33 yrs old, she wouldn’t be able to date him (since she can only date 7 yrs outside her age, and can therefore only shack-up with a man 40 yrs of age).
I know I know. You’re gonna call it the “relativity paradox” and earn a Nobel. Wait to go boy.
Reread the formula. I’m really not a huge proponent of it or anything, but it doesn’t have the problem you suggest. It only calculates the minimum age you can date, not the maximum. To determine if someone is too old for you, you use the formula on their age to see if you are too young for them.
Using the formula, to figure out the oldest you person you can date, you would take your age, subtract seven, and then double the result. At age 13 or less, the final result is less than your own age, so you can not date, as you are too young for anyone whom you are not also too young for.
I am 20 years older than my wife. She is 22 and I will be 42 next month. We met online. Both of us are very happy. We get along so well because we think alike and meet in the middle on maturity. I don’t look, act or feel 42.
I think that one of the reasons that older male/younger female relationships work so well is that many men remain immature in many ways until they get to about age 25. A 30 year old man begins to look good to a 20 year old woman when all her male peers seem to be concerned about are drinking, cars and what thier buddies are doing that weekend.
You can add me to your list. My wife turns 50 next month. I’m told I look young for 43, but she looks much younger than I do. I think it is a combinations of youthful skin, and petite size.
We met when I ws 21, and she was 28. She was pretty embarrassed about how young I looked, until she realized strangers thought I was the one robbing the cradle.
OK, I confess. I am was a complete idiot. I don’t know how I missed the quote you were referring to, or why I assumed you were talking about the formula I mentioned
My boyfriend is three years older than I am. For me it seems like if we’re in the age range that we could have gone to high school together it’s more likely to work- common experiences and all that jazz.
Not that I can’t see myself with someone outside that range, it just seems to work out that I wind up with guys around my age.
