# What do you think of people that never show anger? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2018, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117 "2018-07-01T21:26:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/21 "2018-07-02T13:02:12Z")
I’m another person who usually feels sadness and fatigue instead of anger. However, I seem to have a surplus of annoyance and irritation… ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/22 "2018-07-02T13:16:37Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > Yes, some of us just don’t get angry in that way. I find violently expressed anger difficult to understand. I had someone scream at me in a rage about five years ago, and I still feel uncomfortable around him and try to avoid him whenever possible. Like **senoy** , I tend to get sad, or direct my anger inward. It’s not that I have a burning rage inside that I’m repressing; it’s that I just don’t feel that kind of rage. > > I’ve told the story before, but until I was an adult, I always thought that those scenes of someone throwing dishes, or smashing something against a wall in anger were just made up for the movies and T.V. I didn’t think anybody actually behaved that way. It just didn’t make sense to me. Ditto. Even now as an adult, TV anger still feels vaguely unreal and unrelateable. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/23 "2018-07-02T13:25:03Z")
When I get angry, I just walk away or tell the person to leave me alone and go away. It’s probably kept me out of prison a few times. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/24 "2018-07-02T13:30:29Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > I’m not repressing my anger, I’m just rational. I’ve never seen something resolved constructively because one or both parties got angry. People don’t form well-reasoned, convincing arguments when they’re angry - they use profanity, insults, and threaten and/or use violence. I suppose terminology will be a bit subjective, but I think one can be angry, and express it, without being irrational. OTOH, if someone’s behavior has devolved to the point where they are seeking to emotionally or physically injure another person (either directly with insults/violence or indirectly, as via damaging property), then I would say they have surpassed being simply angry and are in a rage. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/25 "2018-07-02T14:08:12Z")
I’m generally calm and non-panty twisting. I had a crazy-ass sig other who had terrible anger issues and would constantly try to provoke me into screaming fights; the mere fact I was calm infuriated her, she would say that “I thought I was better than her” because I wouldn’t be goaded into rage. Some studies are showing that venting anger is actually counterproductive. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/26 "2018-07-02T14:21:25Z")
I look up to people that don’t appear to get angry. It takes a pretty enlightened being to not _experience_ anger. Not _expressing_ anger is a step in the right direction and a necessary precondition to not experiencing it. ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/27 "2018-07-02T14:48:15Z")
They’re probably a serial killer. j/k I do typically think they have a dark side though. Anger is a normal human emotion and if you bottle it up you’re going to unleash it on some unfortunate soul from time to time. My dad did this about once a month to me and my mom. Nobody else knew about it and thought he was the nicest guy ever. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/28 "2018-07-02T15:05:06Z")
> [@Contemplation](#): > > Do you know anyone who never shows his/her anger? > What do you think of him or her? That they’re an adult and professional. Showing anger is like crying–shows immaturity and lack of self control. ---
**Author:** ![Sveltington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@Sveltington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sveltington)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/29 "2018-07-02T16:02:23Z")
I do not show anger, I pretty much do not show any negative emotion to anyone other than a close friend or relative and then they would have no reason to make me angry. I think of it as a matter of honor to myself that I never allow the annoy-er to know I am annoyed. I find that my cool lack of emotion bothers them and, oops I won! ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/30 "2018-07-02T16:02:32Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > That they’re an adult and professional. > > Showing anger is like crying–shows immaturity and lack of self control. Especially in the professional business world. I’m dumbfounded how permissive the business world is of anger displays. Pounding the table, tossing chairs (e.g. Microsoft) and cussing out are seen as virtues and displays of strength. To me, when someone is throwing the equivalent of an infant tantrum stomping their feet and slamming doors, I’m amazed they aren’t fired on the spot. We pay you to manage thousands/millions of dollars or equivalent responsibility, yet you can’t control your outbursts? Sounds like the business world and talking to other adults isn’t the right fit for you. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/31 "2018-07-02T16:04:03Z")
A lot of people in this thread seem to be under the misconception that anger is inherently unhealthy and violent. Like I said, I would not enjoy being around someone who can’t bear to hear any emotion in my voice besides happiness. If you let me down in a big way or say something that hurts my feelings, I am not only going to tell you about it, but I might even show how I feel in the tone of my voice and my facial expressions. It would be frustrating to be around someone who thinks my inability to be a robot all the time means I am immature or unhinged. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/32 "2018-07-02T17:17:13Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > A lot of people in this thread seem to be under the misconception that anger is inherently unhealthy and violent. Be careful of the difference between being angry and showing anger. Adults discuss their feelings, not outburst them. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/33 "2018-07-02T17:39:04Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > Be careful of the difference between being angry and showing anger. Adults discuss their feelings, not outburst them. Adults know the difference between a person showing anger and a person having an outburst. Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/34 "2018-07-02T18:08:37Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Adults know the difference between a person showing anger and a person having an outburst. Explain what you mean, because those are equivalent terms to me. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/35 "2018-07-02T18:27:14Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > Explain what you mean, because those are equivalent terms to me. Well, I tend to show I’m angry by lowering my voice, and speaking in short, direct sentences, and adopting a generally terse tone of voice. I usually have a very displeased look on my face. Losing one’s temper is NOT the same as showing anger. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/36 "2018-07-02T18:30:35Z")
If you’re screaming, throwing objects, pounding the table, and other shit like that, I’m done with you. You’re permanently crossed off my “adult” list. And obviously, when you’re shoving or punching people that goes beyond “you’re an asshole” into criminal behavior. Forceful disagreement, an edge to your voice, a frown, a cold look? Sure, that’s OK if it’s over something that warrants it. Also, I hereby dispute the notion that if you don’t express anger it build up inside you until eventually you have a screaming meltdown. Nope. When you let anger go, you become less angry. When you indulge your anger, you get more angry. What, you think people who bottle up their compassion store it all up deep inside, and then have a massive fit of compassion? Or do people who practice compassion become more compassionate? The more you practice anger, the more angry you get. And obviously, we’ve all had the person who won’t confront you to your face but will passive aggressively undermine you behind your back. That person is also indulging their anger. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/37 "2018-07-02T18:37:28Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > Explain what you mean, because those are equivalent terms to me. You can show happiness without belly laughing. You can show sadness and be completely dry-eyed. You can show fear and not piss on yourself. So of course you can show anger without “outbursting”. Have you honestly never seen someone show anger in a calm measured way before? You have never heard someone let out a frustrated sigh? You have never heard someone use profanity and use a certain “tone” without rising to the level of yelling? You have never seen someone pierce their lips and shake their head at something that is being said? You have never heard someone give a curt response? You see someone fucking around with your kid, causing them to cry. Do you rush over and say rather forcefully “Leave my kid alone.” Or do you smile and shrug and say “howyadoin?” Someone who equates all displays of anger to “outbursts” has no business calling anyone immature. Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/38 "2018-07-02T19:58:24Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > So of course you can show anger without “outbursting”. Have you honestly never seen someone show anger in a calm measured way before? You have never heard someone let out a frustrated sigh? You have never heard someone use profanity and use a certain “tone” without rising to the level of yelling? You have never seen someone pierce their lips and shake their head at something that is being said? You have never heard someone give a curt response? Sure, I just wouldn’t call any of those things “showing anger”. It seems you do, so we’re in agreement, but using different terms. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/39 "2018-07-02T20:08:26Z")
Interestingly, the following was Tweeted this morning by the Dalai Lama (I had retweeted it): > [@](#): > > While many people consider sensory experience as the main source of happiness, really it is peace of mind. What destroys peace of mind is anger, hatred, anxiety and fear. Kindness counters this—and through appropriate education we can learn to tackle such emotions. ---
**Author:** ![sunstone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunstone/32/3372_2.png) [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117/40 "2018-07-02T20:09:37Z")
We all recognize the outburst type of anger. But do we recognize the calm, firm and assertive tone of voice and facial expression that lets us know that someone is angry? I think one of the skills that I have developed is to find ways to express my displeasure without raising the hackles of the person who is the object of my displeasure. Finding a way to let others know how you feel without making them angry allows you and them to use positive ways towards a solution - which is likely impossible if we have fallen back on the lizard parts of our brains. Getting angry is OK, but dealing with and managing ones anger is part of maturing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-think-of-people-that-never-show-anger/817117.md?page=3)