What do you think of roadside memorials?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Growing up in Queens, NY in the mid-70s, the tradition was solely an Hispanic one. Over the past couple of decades, it appears other ethnic Catholics have adopted the custom.

Which garners the question, where do you draw the memorial line?[ul][]Should survivors place memorials placed on sidewalks for family members gunned down in botched robberies?[]Are pedestrains mowed down by erratic cabbies entitled to have crosswalk, curbside or gutter memorials?[]What if you die in hospital? Are only wealthy families who make sizable donations entitled to a wall plaque?[]Are the WTC Families for Proper Burial and other proponent’s of Kaben’s Bill blowing dust up our ass?[*]Speaking of the WTC, why are the twin towers “footprints” considered sacred ground?[/ul]

42

I don’t really have any strong emotions about them one way or the other, but I do think they’re tacky, overdone, and I can’t help but think the only people who do this are white trash redneck types. That was reinforced when I moved from western Massachusetts (a.k.a. the “Happy Valley”) to semi-rural Florida and started seeing them everywhere. But now I see them in Massachusetts a lot when I go back for visits, too, so I can only assume their popularity is increasing.

“Power grieving” is a great description. It almost seems like attention-whoring. “Ooh, look at me, I’m so sad!!”

43

I don’t have a problem with them, personally. Unless they get too glurgy.

44

Shoot, little white crosses and dirty flowers aren’t as bad as it can get. In the town I grew up in there were a few girls from our neighborhood who died in a horrific car accident on their way to toilet paper the high school early one morning for Homecoming. They were struck by a drunk driver coming home from the casino in the next town over. All of them were killed on impact, and the car thrown across the intersection and ultimately into the corner of a gas station lot. The girls were a few years younger than I, pretty, popular and one of them was a regular babysitter for my ex’s little sisters. It was tragic and very, very sad.

Then it got strange. First off, an enormous memorial was erected on the gas station property. Crosses, flowers, pictures, high school related garbage etc., which to me was kind of to be expected.

Then there were billboards all along the major routes rented out with their senior pictures on them warning about drunk driving.

The dresses they had all gotten to wear to homecoming were displayed on the front doors of their homes on homecoming night (creeeeepy).

They renamed one of the park district parks in our neighborhood for them complete with granite plaques and such.

And….a few days after this happened, someone went around to all of the trees on the treelawns and put yellow ribbons with a single yellow rose around all the trunks. Come that Christmas, everyone put yellow bands of lights around the trees in place of the ribbons, and come that spring, all of the ribbons were replaced.

People are still doing this tree decoration in our neighborhood at the pressure of the parents 8 years later. People who moved there since then do it. When the gas station owner decided he no longer wished to have this massive memorial on his property (almost a year later, he was pretty decent about it), he was absolutely demonized for throwing the whole mess out. The next day friends and parents rebuilt the whole thing and ended up in court about it. (the courts of course decided in favor of the property owner), but the display was simply moved to city property adjoining the gas station. It’s still there if you know to look for it.

We didn’t live in some weird hillbilly place either. In fact, it’s one of the most affluent communities in suburban Chicago. These were rich, educated, well connected and well employed people.

Little white crosses and flowers on the side of the road don’t bother me a bit. Just think of what it could be.

45

I used to live in Schaumburg! What town had this awesome display of power grieving?

I live one town over from where a train hit a busful of kids. Seven were killed. It was just awful. They re-named the intersection “Seven Angels Crossing.” I mean with professional signage and everything.

46

Why lovely, insane Naperville of course, One of the best places on earth to live! . Although the memorial at the gas station was actually in Aurora where the high school was and the accident took place.

47

While I hate to dictate how others grieve…

I live on the corner of a busy street in the city. I saw a woman hit by a car and killed, right in front of my house. The spray paint marks from the police investigation are still there, along with the plastic flowers her family put up to mark the spot.

I guess I’d rather see the flowers than the spray paint marking where she was hit, where she was dragged to, and where she died. But really I’d rather not have seen any of it.

I too remember being in Mexico on a twisty hillside road and seeing hundreds of the white crosses too. Oy.

48

A friend was recently killed by a driver who lost control on black ice on a local highway.

A number of friends put up a memorial for him. I think it is a nice gesture, and I fail to understand why anyone would take offense.

If it bothers you, don’t look at it. If it helps the friends & family of the victim, that is all that matters.

49

Ah yes…Naperville! My husband has a seminar there next week. We’re looking for cheap drugs to get him through it.

50

I find them dangerous because they’re a distraction. Sorr about your friend.

51

Do you feel the same way about billboards, neon signs and unusual architecture?

52

These things are usually regulated by zoning ordinances so they don’t get out of control. The problem with allowing non-official items in the Right of Way is that you lose that control. You’ll get people putting 4x8 memorials with spiraling aluminum windsocks right next to the roadway.

The ROW is carefully regulated to ensure safety. They wouldn’t allow a blinking neon sign 2 feet from the roadway. They say a sign has to be X feet back, no larger than Y, many or may not have lighting, etc.

The things in the ROW should be limited to things that the driver needs. Stoplights, speed limit signs, street signs, etc.

By allowing certain personal items in the ROW, the local government now has to get in the business of categorizing exactly what’s allowed. How big can the memorial be? How long can it stay up? How far off the roadway? What text can be on the memorial? Can a business put their name on the memorial? etc. It just brings up too many issues.

53

Sometimes. The problem is, in certain lighting, you can’t really tell what the hell it is. Is it a person sitting on the side of the road? Bad art? Is it something I NEED to see to progress safely?

Look…I feel bad that people lose people to traffic accidents. We lost a neighbor who was walking across her RESIDENTIAL street to get her mail and was killed. Yup. You guessed it. Shrine ensued.

The problem is, anyone who isn’t mourning that person doesn’t care about the shrine. It is meaningless, distracting, and an eyesore to most folks. In public spaces, it’s just not cool.

54

I guess I have always noticed them but ignored them up to this point - to me they were, I have to admit, meaningless if I didn’t know the person.

Perhaps the memorials a lot of you refer to are really big and ugly and, as you say, distracting.

I find nothing wrong with a small cross with someone’s name on it. That is what I was thinking of.

But yes, if they pose a hazard to drivers, or block visibility, then they should be removed or modified.

Thank you for explaining further.

55

Yeah, I’m still not convinced that something small and white on the side of road isn’t a danger. While driving at night, especially around heavily wooded areas, we Illinois folk have to watch pretty closely for deer. The usual indication that Bambi is fitting to hop merrily in front of your car is a momentary flash of white on the side of the road as your headlights hit their eyes. I personally don’t need the extra heart attack coming from those memorials.

56

I have told my family that since I am not a Christian, Jew nor do I belive in god for that matter, I dont want or need a Star of David or Some Cross markeing the site of my death on the side of a road.

What I have asked for is a Golden Calf.
I think that my last moments on the side of the road, with a gasping chest wound or some other deadly injury, would go a little smother knowing all the issues such a display would cause. If my calf comes down so do all the crosses.

57

You’re kidding, right? Close your eyes, or turn your gaze away from the side of the road? It’s a roadway, meant for driving on. It’s not meant to be a place to erect memorials. Everyone had better be looking at everything around them. “Don’t look at it” is not sane advice for drivers.

No, it’s not all that matters. Highway safety matters. Having respect for people who don’t care to have reminders of the dead foist upon them when they’re driving matters. There are any number of appropriate methods and places for people to express their mourning and caring for the departed. Erecting a memorial on the edge of a highway is neither.

58

(The following is meant as an explanation of Jewish tradition, law, and Jewish thinking. The expressed opinions are not meant to be an attack or critique of the beliefs and practices of other groups.)

Tradition! Tra-Dish-Unn!

Well that and actual Jewish law.

Both Jewish law and tradition say that the dead should be buried plainly- no fancy clothes, no jewelry, no embalming, no make up, closed coffin. Jewish law actually says that all Jews should be buried naked, wrapped in a plain white shroud, in a coffin made of cheap, unvarnished, unpainted wood. This is because of (I had written two, but thought of another) three principles. #1 Death is a reminder of that all humans are members of a single family and that we all die. #2 Expensive funerals, coffins, and memorials border on idol worship (remember how the Egyptians buried their dead) and are a waste of money that could be better spent somewhere else. If you want to show that the grave has been visited, pebbles are free. #3 Your loved one is dead. Jewish mourning customs place great importance on accepting that a person is dead, grieving, and then moving on. Mourners at the funeral drop clods of dirt onto the coffin after it has been lowered into the grave. At Orthodox funerals, the mourners may actually use shovels to fill the entire grave. There is a mourning period of seven days during which certain practices are followed. Then, the mourner is expected to try and get back to their life. A memorial that requires unending money and labour ties the mourner to the deceased. A parent whose children were killed in a car accident no longer has daily obligations to them.

If Rebecca is killed in a car accident, Jewish tradition holds that a roadside memorial is a bad thing. Flowers, stuffed animals etc are wasted money. Instead of being left out to rot in the rain, the stuffed animals could have been given to poor children. Instead of spending money on flowers etc, the family could have given that money to groups Rebecca supported, or used it to help prevent similar deaths (EG If Rebecca was killed by a drunk driver, donations to MADD etc). Instead of letting their grief consume their lives, the family should go on to see what happiness they can find and how they can improve the lives of those around.

(Again, the preceding is my attempt to explain why there are no Jewish roadside memorials <I haven’t seen any either. I don’t expect to, for the above reasons>. I am only trying to explain Jewish traditions and laws pertaining to death and mourning. I am not attempting to attack or disparage the traditions, doctrine, or beliefs of any other group.)

59

I don’t believe there is any religious tradition that requires a memorial on the spot where the person died (I’m sure someone will correct me if I’m wrong). This is a secular thing and is meant to show the rest of the world how lousy you feel about losing your friend or family member.

60

Kalhoun, like Elmwood I really like the term “power grieving”. That word describes exactly how I feel about these monuments and about the “silent marches” that have become popular in the Netherlands in the last decade.

Silent marches are a phenomenon Whenever somebody is killed in an act of random violence, there would be a march with hundreds of people who didn’t even know the people all tear-eyed and hugging…
There have been instances where the relatives of the victims specifically have asked that no silent march was held, but it was held anyway, by organized by vague aquaintances of the victims, because (and I quote): “This is our way of grieving”. :rolleyes:

I tried googling the term but no luck. Can you point me to a site ? Thanks in advance.