# What do you usually read while you're taking a dump?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [July 24, 2009, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173 "2009-07-24T23:52:29Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/21 "2009-07-25T10:40:24Z")
I’ve honestly never read anything whilst on the loo and always figured the whole “reading the paper/a magazine whilst in there” was a TV or Movie convention.
I can’t imagine being in there long enough to necessitate reading material, either. That’s kinda worrying, IMHO.
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### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/22 "2009-07-25T12:15:00Z")
> [@Ximenean](#):
>
> In no way I am I now wondering whether **Hal** was actually on the crapper when he posted that.
No, I wasn’t…then.
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### Author:  [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/23 "2009-07-25T14:49:27Z")
I read in the bathroom, but I’m usually in the bath, not enthroned. I have a variety of books to hand, from Encyclopaedia Cthulhiana to cheap thrillers, to Anne McAfferey to Thraxas. If they get an accidental dunking, it’s not too great a loss.
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### Author:  [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/24 "2009-07-25T15:38:39Z")
> [@Shamozzle](#):
>
> Shampoo bottles.
>
> By the time I’ve figured out which syllables to stress when pronouncing words like “Methylchloroisothiazolinone”, I’m done.
Ha, that’s me, too. Barring a handy book or magazine, I’ll grab a tube of toothpaste, the wife’s hairspray bottle, the shampoo…anything.
You just HAVE to have SOMETHING to read, you know?
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### Author:  [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/25 "2009-07-25T16:20:07Z")
> [@Quartz](#):
>
> I read in the bathroom, but I’m usually in the bath, not enthroned. I have a variety of books to hand, from Encyclopaedia Cthulhiana to cheap thrillers, to Anne McAfferey to Thraxas. If they get an accidental dunking, it’s not too great a loss.
I’ve dunked a few books in my time. My brother still gives me crap for the time I dunked his copy of “Tarnsman of Gor,” and that was twenty years ago!..TRM (taking special care with the smartphone these days)
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/26 "2009-07-25T16:27:58Z")
I usually have to worry about pushing my cat away from my legs. (Buffy tends to follow me in the bathroom and then grabs at my legs while I’m on the pot. And her claws _hurt_)
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### Author:  [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/27 "2009-07-25T17:03:59Z")
Graffiti,also War and Peace,after fifty five years I’m halfway down page two.
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### Author:  [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/28 "2009-07-25T17:35:34Z")
I grab whatever on my bedtable I happen to be reading. Currently, Escapement by Jay Lake (but it is sequel to Mainspring). Otherwise I will read anything that has writing on it.
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### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/29 "2009-07-25T19:12:34Z")
I don’t ‘take’ dumps. I ‘have’ them.
Where do you take them to?
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### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/30 "2009-07-25T20:11:14Z")
> [@Lobsang](#):
>
> Where do you take them to?
The dump.
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### Author:  [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/31 "2009-07-25T20:57:39Z")
Whatever book I’m reading at the moment. I can be finished quickly when I need to be (or when I’m at a restaurant or shopping or whatever) but at home, reading in the bathroom is a source of peace and quiet for a little bit.
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### Author:  [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/32 "2009-07-25T22:31:25Z")
Different things. At work I play Tetris on my phone with the sound off. I’m too embarassed to take reading material into the john! I know - it’s a girl thing. 😛
At home, there are a few Reader’s Digests in there (we ended up with a free subscription somehow.) Also, my book current “bathroom” book - usually something I’ve already read, so I can just read a few pages. My husband has “Handyman” magazines, and Time, and Consumer Reports. The newspaper makes it in there on occasion.
The biggest problem is being in too big a hurry to grab the reading glasses - that really sucks! 😃
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### Author:  [@Baby\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Driver)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2009, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/33 "2009-07-27T19:43:30Z")
> [@Ximenean](#):
>
> In no way I am I now wondering whether **Hal** was actually on the crapper when he posted that.
>
> Me, I’m in and out in seconds. Eat more vegetables, people.
But it’s such a lovely, luxuriant feeling to draw out a well-deserved dump. I like reading the more frivolous sections of Time magazine (ex: back page essay, quotes, pop chart). I am usually done within one column’s text, but I’ll sit through the article anyway.
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### Author:  [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2009, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/34 "2009-07-27T19:47:37Z")
My evacuations are rather rapid and thus not conducive to the perusal of great literature. So I limit my reading at such times to the newspaper or occasionally _Time_ magazine.
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### Author:  [@JerseyFrank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyFrank)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/35 "2009-07-27T20:41:10Z")
Serious question… is there a “problem” one is having when they spend significant time on the toilet? If I sit for more than 10 seconds before I poop it means I’m sick. The last time it happened, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I felt like I had to pee, but then didn’t So I tried pooping. That didn’t work either. Turns out the “not peeing” thing was the problem. Stones.
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2009, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/36 "2009-07-27T20:45:42Z")
I have an Uncle John’s bathroom reader that was given to me for my birthday last year. Pretty much picked clean, that.
Now it’s down to a variety of french language magazines, since my wife is really more into the bathroom library scene than I am.
_Elle Québec_ can be depended on for some pretty pictures. [_Sélection_](http://www.selectionclic.com/) is the Qébecois incarnation of _Reader’s Digest_ – exactly the same, but without the inbuilt gastro-intestinal pun in its name.
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### Author:  [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/37 "2009-07-27T20:57:28Z")
Just to clarify, often it’s not that I have to be in there long enough to be able to read, rather I enjoy just sort of disappearing for a while so I can read. I’m usually done with the heavy lifting withing the first couple paragraphs of the article, but sit there and finish it anyway. Once I leave the protective solitude of the throne room, I’ve essentialy left myself vulnerable to all manner of emergencies/requests from my family.
My favorite periodicals are Newsweek and This Old House Magazine. The articles are good lengths for the languid constitutional.
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### Author:  [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/38 "2009-07-27T21:07:25Z")
I personally fall into the ‘I will read anything’ category.
However, to the non-reader’s in the group, it is not a speed thing. It is all about having a room with a lock where you can spend a few minutes reading without interruption.
Edit: it would seem corkboard just made the same point, sorry for the dupe.
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/39 "2009-07-27T21:47:04Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> Sometimes I’ll pretend like I’m going to read in there, but I’m so fast I never get a chance to crack the cover. I mean, I am like _that_, son- over and out! My colon is like a finely-tuned instrument.
Same here. I mean, it’s fun to read and there are often books on my bathroom floor, but it’s over in a few seconds.
I always wondered why some people needed sooo much time.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [July 27, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-usually-read-while-youre-taking-a-dump/504173/40 "2009-07-27T21:47:33Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#):
>
> I usually have to worry about pushing my cat away from my legs. (Buffy tends to follow me in the bathroom and then grabs at my legs while I’m on the pot. And her claws _hurt_)
It’s not unusual for my two cats to play a round of “poke you through the shower curtain” while I’m in there.
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