# What do you want as your epitaph? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 22, 2017, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011 "2017-09-22T23:21:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dobbs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Dobbs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dobbs)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2017, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/81 "2017-10-09T07:19:31Z")
“I did some good stuff, too.” Or maybe, if I wind up in the same place, as I expect - “Mom & Dad, over here.” To those of you who expect to be cremated and scattered, I understand, and 15 years or so ago, I would have been solidly in your camp. But I’ve been doing a bit of genealogical research lately, and grave markers tell a story. And in the end, all we are is a collection of stories. Some day, somewhere, someone might look for the marker, and it might be a clue to where they came from, and it might be a story they could tell. In truth, I expect that after the medical people take whatever spare parts are safe to harvest, the rest will be burned and the ashes will be put in a hole in a wall in the Vet cemetery mom & dad are in, but they probably won’t allow the ‘over here’ line. The stone will list my modest military accomplishments, and not anything else. They’re picky about that, but it’s mostly free to those I leave behind. That suits me. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2017, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/82 "2017-10-09T20:30:21Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > “Well, that was the long way around just to end up here.” Ashes to ashes, How time passes by! Came forth from a hole Now in one I lie. Burst forth from one hole, Passed into another. The latter is cold, The former was mother. From first hole to last, The stuff in between, Took up all my time - But what did it mean? ---
**Author:** ![Thuringwethil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@Thuringwethil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thuringwethil)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/83 "2017-10-23T19:46:49Z")
Abscission ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/84 "2017-10-23T20:13:07Z")
I’d like my body to be turned into one of those museum exhibits with the preserved corpse cut into slices. So I guess my epitaph would be a nice little informational plaque written by an anatomist. ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/85 "2017-10-23T20:16:47Z")
> [@epolo](#): > > Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Now that’s a funny epitaph. ---
**Author:** ![Rhodes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhodes/32/273_2.png) [@Rhodes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhodes)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/86 "2017-10-23T20:29:20Z")
A line from a good song: “We burned down Heaven and conquered Hell.” ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2017, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/87 "2017-10-23T21:33:05Z")
Not very poetic, but here goes: “He always spoke what was on his mind, but he was genuinely nice about it.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/88 "2017-10-24T01:46:03Z")
I don’t want an epitaph. I prefer to achieve immortality through not dying. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Haldurson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/51bf81/32.png) [@Haldurson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Haldurson)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/89 "2017-10-24T12:36:22Z")
“The party you are trying to contact is not currently available. If it makes you happy, feel free to leave a message.” ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/90 "2017-10-24T13:28:06Z")
While I want the cremated route (no need to scatter. Find a dustbin), I could get behind a poem I wrote years ago with the appropriate title of “Epitaph”: Someone like you must lie here. Roses thrive— their petals red as meat and slick with oil— given sufficient acid in the soil. ---
**Author:** ![Plumpudding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Plumpudding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plumpudding)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/91 "2017-10-24T16:10:15Z")
I think I’d like a white-board and a white-board marker on my stone. But I’m gonna get taxi’d, so I won’t need it. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/92 "2017-10-24T19:05:00Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > “HTTP 404 Error” > Actually, I just want to be cremated and my ashes spread on a golf course. I’m donating usable body parts, skeleton and any remains will be cremated. The ash will be cast into a concrete yardage marker reading, “150 yards to clear water hazard”. It will be deliberately placed 160 yds from clearing the water. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2017, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/93 "2017-10-24T20:18:57Z")
_Gaze upon this marker and despair; for if God saw fit to take me from the Earth, what possible value could your own life hold?_ I like to have a healthy sense of self-esteem. ---
**Author:** ![catkabrick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@catkabrick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catkabrick)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2017, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/94 "2017-10-27T18:19:45Z")
Stolen, but so applicable: Sorry I’m late ---
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2017, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/95 "2017-10-29T14:00:45Z")
You can give me my beer back now. ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2017, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/96 "2017-10-29T16:53:42Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > In a flash, at a trumpet crash, > I am all at once what Christ is, since he was what I am, and > This Jack, joke, poor potsherd, > patch, matchwood, immortal diamond, > Is immortal diamond. I love this. For myself, I think I’d like: “Pretty good guy.” ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2017, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/97 "2017-10-29T17:10:33Z")
I just saw this one in an online photo collection of grave markers/tombstones. For me, it takes the prize. _“I was hoping for a pyramid.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2017, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/98 "2017-10-29T18:51:10Z")
Right now I’m planning on cremation, although I hope by the time I do actually kick off that the option for a tree burial will be available in the US (they plant you in a biodegradable pod and put a tree seed in with you, and you serve as fertilizer). If I do have an epitaph, it’ll be the book lover’s lament when finding out your book/series ends in a cliffhanger with no prospect of continuation. > [@](#): > > Damnit, now I’ll never know what happens next. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2017, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/99 "2017-10-29T19:40:08Z")
“Never have I been a blue calm sea I have always been a storm.” ---
**Author:** ![Real\_Iggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/76d3ee/32.png) [@Real\_Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Real_Iggy)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011/100 "2017-10-30T03:13:13Z")
“The rumors of my death are greatly accurate (this time)” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-as-your-epitaph/797011.md?page=4)