# What do you want to normalize and why? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2024, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086 "2024-03-20T14:53:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/61 "2024-03-22T03:09:04Z")
How else would I remember I shouldn’t pack my gat? That’s one I support. All the rest can go straight to hell /s ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/62 "2024-03-22T07:02:37Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > This makes me wonder. Is there any society, primitive or not, in which public nudity is normal? By “normal”, do you mean “socially acceptable”, or “what almost everyone does, all the time”? Because in Germany, stripping down completely, in the right settings, is considered fine (while still technically illegal) - not everyone does it, but no-one’s going to complain or call the cops on someone taking their kit off to soak up the sun in the park. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/63 "2024-03-22T07:42:06Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Normalize just walking up to somebody you don’t know, telling them they are attractive and that you would be interested in getting to know them. Only after women stop getting that from some ridiculously high percentage of the men they meet _every single fucking day_, and after they know they can say no without fear of violence. As for multigenerational housing, someone on Reddit pointed out that in cultures where such is normal, there’s also often the expectation of the elders being able to dictate the decisions of the younger to some extent, often under pressure from other family members, not to mention the expectation of lifelong financial support. It can be a tricky balancing act. ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/64 "2024-03-22T08:16:20Z")
Mine is trivial compared to some of the weighty issues discussed so far, but I would really like it if patched clothing were acceptable in more settings. If I have a shirt or a pair of good pants that are still nice looking except for a single tear or worn-through spot, I will sew on a discreet patch and continue wearing it - but only for slouching around the house or at most a quick run to the store. For appointments or kids’ school plays or whatnot, my wife frowns on patched clothes, and I feel a bit uncomfortable. And, just maybe, if patched clothing were de rigueur, our society wouldn’t spend so vastly much money on clothing that is thrown away after an appallingly short time. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/65 "2024-03-22T08:54:18Z")
I used to have a phone with an infrared emitter. I also used to have an app that cycled through all known brands “off” commands. So I solved that problem, at least for me. Sadly my current phone does not. ETA ninja’d, I should have read more of the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/66 "2024-03-22T11:00:11Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > What I meant was, if they’re fully naked, there’s a decent chance that the reaction will be, “Oh my god, that fat guy is naked!”, with the focus on him being fat. I meant a generic person, but I can see it depends on if the nude person was a Playboy Bunny or a Sumo wrestler. Also, the design of the genitalia-exposing outfit could make a difference, presenting the naughty bits as artistic rather than vulgar. It’s all in the ahem, packaging. Plus, it’s hard to define what’s acceptable as “generic,” and the environment is a factor as well. A busy street full of pedestrians where the onlooker has little choice in the matter is a different case than an open field out in the country where the onlooker can hide behind a tree. This gets more complicated than I thought it would be. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/67 "2024-03-22T11:03:36Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > > [@Moriarty](#): > > > > Normalize just walking up to somebody you don’t know, telling them they are attractive and that you would be interested in getting to know them. > > Only after women stop getting that from some ridiculously high percentage of the men they meet _every single fucking day_, and after they know they can say no without fear of violence. Absolutely! Normalize women rejecting men and men politely moving on. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/68 "2024-03-22T11:52:22Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > Well one would hope so, with an abusive mother like that. > [@Kimstu](#): > > To be fair, though I know nothing about kayaker’s friend Sharon, the impression I got from his anecdote is that Sharon was just pranking her daughter on the occasion of her 18th birthday, and had no intention of literally permanently expelling her from the house without warning just because she was 18. Yeah, Sharon was just fucking around with her daughter. They are actually good friends. Sharon had been talking a lot about her oldest reaching 18, and how that meant she would be moving out, freeing space in their home. ---
**Author:** ![minor7flat5](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minor7flat5/32/258_2.png) [@minor7flat5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minor7flat5)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/69 "2024-03-22T11:55:48Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > I like to sleep alone. This was a problem in a lot of my past relationships, as men took it personally. But my current boyfriend recognizes that both of us can get a better night’s sleep if we sleep in separate bedrooms, and sees how being well-rested contributes to a healthy relationship and overall lifestyle. You get my vote! Wife and I have enjoyed different sleeping arrangements for decades. It makes it so she can get up at 3am and read or watch videos if she wants. It avoids the problem of trying to sleep with another person thrashing about right beside you. It makes it so I can sleep in the coldest part of the house, while she can have a space heater on. It makes it alleged snoring remains alleged. It has no impact on the quality of our marriage! ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/70 "2024-03-22T11:58:31Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > > [@Leaper](#): > > > > > [@Moriarty](#): > > > > > > Normalize just walking up to somebody you don’t know, telling them they are attractive and that you would be interested in getting to know them. > > > > Only after women stop getting that from some ridiculously high percentage of the men they meet _every single fucking day_, and after they know they can say no without fear of violence. > > Absolutely! > > Normalize women rejecting men and men politely moving on. This is different from the others, because you really can’t make this problem go away. 1. some women are attractive enough that, despite it not being “normalized”, they get this from too many men all the time as it is. If it became normalized, they would do little but fend off advances when they went out in public. It’s not a tiny fraction, either, it’s something that happens to a large fraction of healthy young women. 2. even if 99% of men politely accept “no thanks”, those women will still need to worry about the other 1%. And that makes it stressful every time it happens. So no, let’s please NOT normalize that behavior. But if you want to say that to a man, or an old, fat woman, you can probably get away with it if you are careful to only do it in public places where your target has a clear exit path, and isn’t in the midst of something that would be expensive for them to step away from. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/71 "2024-03-22T12:21:11Z")
> [@minor7flat5](#): > > It avoids the problem of trying to sleep with another person thrashing about right beside you. Lol this is a big one. I sleep like hands on a clock: when the mattress gets hot in one spot, I move to a cooler part of the mattress. When someone is sleeping beside me, there’s less cool spots on the mattress, which means I can really get into thrashing mode trying to find a cool spot that’s also far enough away from the body heat that my partner is emitting! With my husband, this usually meant sleeping with my head at the foot of the bed, since his feet/legs took up less space and emitted less body heat than his head and shoulder did. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/72 "2024-03-22T12:37:47Z")
You know what - even if I’m not a tiny bit worried about someone not accepting “no ,thanks” there’s something creepy about somebody > walking up to somebody you don’t know, telling them they are attractive and that you would be interested in getting to know them. rather than just starting some sort of conversation about the bus we are waiting for or the price of avocados or really any other subject at all that makes sense at that location. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/73 "2024-03-22T13:36:36Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > there’s something creepy about somebody > > > walking up to somebody you don’t know, telling them they are attractive and that you would be interested in getting to know them. > > rather than just starting some sort of conversation about the bus we are waiting for or the price of avocados or really any other subject at all that makes sense at that location. Agreed. It’s not normal; it’s creepy. I’d never do it. But this is a thread about things that you would like to see normalized. I fully understand why this is not the case with randomly telling a stranger that you think they look neat and want to know more. But, for some people who are more introspective, and tend to think and talk in paragraphs, the kind of small talk that leads to meeting a stranger is awkward, uncomfortable, and off putting. And so, frequently, those people don’t tend to be social enough to meet new friends. It can be frustrating. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you could just go up to a stranger and propose a date? There are lots of reasons what not; but it is my lament. (Incidentally, there are lots of dating advice messages on social media that amount to some form of _just approach_, which can probably be be best interpreted as “go up and try to start a conversation”. And I do think that people with a successful dating life probably make small talk with lots of people all day long, and certainly don’t take it personally if somebody doesn’t want to speak. But even then, the key is to not force yourself on somebody who doesn’t want to interact.) ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/74 "2024-03-22T13:47:12Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you could just go up to a stranger and propose a date? There are lots of reasons what not; but it is my lament. No. It wouldn’t be. I understand that it might make life easier for people who are looking for new people to date. But it would make life harder and more uncomfortable for those of us who aren’t. ---
**Author:** ![Chad\_Sudan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chad_sudan/32/4509_2.png) [@Chad\_Sudan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chad_Sudan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/75 "2024-03-22T13:54:52Z")
Among straight couples who get married, something like 1 to 5\* percent of the proposals come from women. The men make the proposals 95 to 99 percent of the time. \* (The statistics vary) With all the progress that’s been made in breaking down gender roles, why on earth has this particular one proved so unshakeable? I would like to normalize women proposing marriage to men. . . . . [waits for proposals] ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/76 "2024-03-22T14:08:42Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you could just go up to a stranger and propose a date? There are lots of reasons what not; but it is my lament. I don’t know about that - even if it was completely normalized and most people didn’t have a problem with it , I don’t think I’d be terribly interested in going on a date with someone who 1) based asking me just on how I look and 2) simultaneously finds small talk difficult and awkward but is just fine proposing a date out of nowhere. So that person would be getting a hard “no” from me, normalized or not. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/77 "2024-03-22T14:16:49Z")
I always wonder how those studies define “proposal” , If it means who buys the ring and gets down on one knee and almost ritualistically asks the question , I will absolutely believe that it’s 95% men , who nearly always already know the answer. If it means “who brings up the subject of marriage first” I suspect that has a very different answer. After all, even though a man may have bought the ring and “popped the question” , that could have been in response to either a proposal or an ultimatum. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/78 "2024-03-22T15:01:57Z")
I’m with you until the last bit. It’s normalize _employers fully providing the tools and resources needed for a job and not making employees pay for their own work stuff._ My previous job wanted me to be occasionally on call. I told them I needed a cell phone, they asked for my personal number. That’s a hard no from me! They got me a cell phone. I refuse to do any work on a personal phone or computer. Ever. If I don’t have the tools I need, I don’t work. I will not be responsible for any issues pertaining to using a “wrong” tool. I also don’t use work devices for personal endeavors. I know it’s not like that everywhere now, and my position is that _it’s not ok_. Employers must pay to get their work done. That’s the relationship, that’s the deal. I’ll sell my time, not my stuff. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/79 "2024-03-22T16:49:57Z")
Yeah, I see what your saying. Depends on the job. I needed a new computer at home anyway. I just remote into my WORK computer from my own machine. All the processing and work is done on the work systems that are 25 miles away. I just take over my work machine from home. Other servers as well. It’s like being on my work machine. I did set up Starlink.But needed better internet connection anyway. I don’t have fiber at home. Satellite is the only option. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2024, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086/80 "2024-03-22T17:06:22Z")
I think that depends on the whole situation. I wasn’t permitted to work at home and would have been happy to provide my own computer etc if it meant I could have worked from home instead of going to the office everyday. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-you-want-to-normalize-and-why/999086.md?page=5)