# What does God need with a helicopter? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 29, 2013, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204 "2013-06-29T14:50:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/1 "2013-06-29T14:50:44Z")
What does God need with a helicopter? (With apologies to Captain James Kirk.) > **[Example Domain](http://example.com/)** > [@](#): > > **Wealthy Texas Pastor Asks Congregation to Raise $50K to Replace Blades on the Church Helicopter** > > A pastor in Texas is making waves after he emailed a flyer asking members of his church to donate money so that he could replace the blades on his helicopter. > > Bishop I.V. Hilliard of the New Light Christian Center Church, which has six locations in Texas, said the church chopper needs maintenance just like any vehicle. The flyer obtained by KTRH quotes bible scripture, stating, “We have an urgent transportation need that the Lord said can be an opportunity for you to see His favor and His wisdom released to help you.” > > He suggests that the “Aviation Department” of New Light could get a deal on new blades if the ministry collects the money right away. In exchange for money, he said the Lord will issue a favor to congregants that might help them obtain their dream vehicle. > > He promises that “when you sow a $52 transportation favor seed believing in 52 days or 52 weeks you will experience breakthrough favor!” According to the article, the helicopter is owned by the church and is worth $1 million. Bishop Hilliard and his wife own a $2 million dollar private jet which is housed in the $3 million dollar church hanger. Who does this guy think he is fooling? I guess his congregation for one. I guess both he and his congregation deserve a pitting. Him for milking rubes and, to a much lesser extent, the rubes for being milked. ---
**Author:** ![pikey\_pete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pikey\_pete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pikey_pete)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/2 "2013-06-29T15:11:09Z")
At least Hilliard isn’t as blatant as Rev. Creflo T. Dollar. Just look at his name. Of course these preachers espouse the ‘prosperity doctrine,’ which of all the various christian doctrinal stances, has to be the weakest in terms of theology. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/3 "2013-06-29T15:21:41Z")
There’s the well known parable where a man faced with a flood refuses to leave his home, insisting that God will save him. In turn some people in a car, a boat and a helicopter come by and offer to rescue him, and each time he refuses; then the water oversomes him and he drowns. In death he asks “God, why didn’t you save me?!” And God answers, "I sent a car, a boat _and_ a helicopter; what more did you _want?!"_ Except in _this_ version, God says “I send you a car, a plane, and a…_uh, oh_…um…sorry about that one.” ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/4 "2013-06-29T15:26:00Z")
I think what this particular doctrine comes down to is preying on greed. Essentially they preach that God will shower you with wealth if you shower the church with wealth. Of course the church is pretty much synonymous with the pastor. Everything is legally owned by the church, but of course the pastor is the one who gets the use of those assets. Meanwhile the congregation forks over their hard earned money with nothing in return (they might get the comfort of religion, but they can get that a lot cheaper elsewhere). ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/5 "2013-06-29T17:23:17Z")
The congregation deludes itself into thinking their tithes and offerings are doing something useful for _them_. “Pastor drives a Mercedes and flies in a helicopter? Well, God promises an abundant life. If Pastor can’t exemplify “abundance”, then he won’t be able to convince the wayward souls to come to church. This represents failure. So Pastor has to look nice, as does the church building and all the congregants. And I don’t trust myself to do this religious thing all by myself! I need a church family! So if the helicopter is the price for getting me into heaven, how much do you want me to write a check for?” Meanwhile, you’re stressing out because all this “abundant living” is killing your checking account and wrecking your ego. You’re about to be foreclosed on, they’re about to repossess your car, and you can’t afford to let your kids go to camp, but look at Pastor and First Lady. Look at everyone else, in their new suits and hats and everything. You decide the difference is that you just aren’t faithful enough. 'Cuz doesn’t Pastor say that your tithes and offerings will come back to you seven-fold? Maybe you just aren’t giving enough. So you keep giving in hope that The Word will manifest for you. I hated the church I grew up in. Every Sunday, the Pastor would hold a special “love” offering, whereby he would call on everyone who could give $250-$500 to line up in the aisle. Without fail, one of my parents could be counted on to be in this elite group. I hated this shit so much. Not just because my mother liked to play the “we can’t afford it” card whenever I asked for much smaller amounts of “love”. But because even as a little kid, I knew Pastor was a goddamned crook, living it up in his midtown condo, driving luxury automobiles, and sending his kids to posh private schools while the majority of his flock lived in poverty. For years my parents supported him…until eventually they started to see the light and decided they’d been backing a jackass for decades. All that money wasted. And all those poor people sitting in those pews, hating themselves for not being “righteous” enough. My parents want to know where they went wrong with my spiritual development? It was exposing me to shit like that every Sunday. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/6 "2013-06-29T17:57:29Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > My parents want to know where they went wrong with my spiritual development? It was exposing me to shit like that every Sunday. Christians: screwing up Christianity for two thousand years. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/7 "2013-06-29T17:57:39Z")
Ah, but the buying/selling of indulgences has historical somethingorother going for it. Oh, and why couldn’t they ask Jesus to heal the helicopter rotor blades. I guess the pastor doesn’t have Faith? ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/8 "2013-06-29T17:58:58Z")
> [@](#): > > He promises that “when you sow a $52 transportation favor seed believing in 52 days or 52 weeks you will experience breakthrough favor! How is this any different from a blatant scam that would be prosecuted in pretty much any jurisdiction? Can someone just put “church” in front of their business scam and get away with it? Seriously? Could I open up a church, and then send out “419” scam solicitation letters? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/9 "2013-06-29T18:19:28Z")
Helicopters are cool. I can see God wanting one. That’s probably why He created the universe with the Big Bang, then evolved mankind, so someone could make Him a helicopter. He works in mysterious ways you know. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/10 "2013-06-29T18:38:10Z")
Doesn’t the bible say something about getting rewarded in heaven if you sell all your possessions and give to the poor? ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/11 "2013-06-29T19:06:27Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > Doesn’t the bible say something about getting rewarded in heaven if you sell all your possessions and give to the poor? That’s the translation that they give to the suckers, I mean, parishioners. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/12 "2013-06-29T20:33:10Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > Doesn’t the bible say something about getting rewarded in heaven if you sell all your possessions and give to the poor? But if everyone did that no one would be poor. See, some people have to horde everything so there can be poor people for other people to give their possessions to. They’re making a great sacrifice, when you think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/13 "2013-06-29T20:48:48Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s easier for a camel to squeeze through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into the kingdom of God but if you put your camel in a chopper, the task is much easier. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/14 "2013-06-29T21:03:39Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > but if you put your camel in a chopper, the task is much easier. And if that needle is, say, the size of the space needle… Hmm… ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/15 "2013-06-29T21:48:41Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > Doesn’t the bible say something about getting rewarded in heaven if you sell all your possessions and give to the poor? Yes, it does. But this is obviously more important. Honestly, I just wonder how they justify this. “We need a helicopter… Because?” ---
**Author:** ![pikey\_pete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pikey\_pete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pikey_pete)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/16 "2013-06-29T22:39:11Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > but if you put your camel in a chopper, the task is much easier. or if you use the helicopter to improvise a blender. then you can liquify the camel and shoot it through the eye of a needle in a very fine stream ---
**Author:** ![drew870mitchell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drew870mitchell/32/3946_2.png) [@drew870mitchell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drew870mitchell)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/17 "2013-06-29T22:41:58Z")
> [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](#): > > And if that needle is, say, the size of the space needle… Hmm… No you see, that verse doesn’t mean what you think it does, because the “needles” they’re talking about are old traditional barn doors in the gates to Jerusalem. :rolleyes: The _really_ devout know that God loves loopholes and technicalities like that, just like [Sabbath elevators](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shabbat_elevator), too. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2013, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/18 "2013-06-30T01:15:11Z")
Heh, before I opened this thread, I was thinking “I bet they are talking about New Light Church.” The bishop and his entourage fly out of DW Hooks airport in the Houston suburbs. The helicopter is a Bell JetRanger, and when I’ve seen it, it’s been used as a shuttle to get from the church to the airport and transfer to the jet. Prior to acquisition of the chopper, they’d convoy out in a fleet of Mercedes S-class sedans and Range Rovers. Guess traffic was holding them up too much. I can’t imagine what church members get out of all this, but I hope they are getting something. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2013, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/19 "2013-06-30T09:56:53Z")
I imagine Bishop Hilliard’s prayers for his helicopter went something like this: Bishop Hilliard: Heavenly Father, what is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Bishop Hilliard: Heavenly Father, what is a million dollars like to you? God: Like one penny. Bishop Hilliard: Can I have a penny? God: Sure, just give me a second. ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2013, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-god-need-with-a-helicopter/662204/20 "2013-06-30T16:24:15Z")
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