# What does it mean when a woman says, "Can I think about it?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 23, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536 "2005-02-23T15:30:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/1 "2005-02-23T15:30:23Z")
I have a question for you all. In your opinion, what does it mean when you ask a woman out, and she says, “Can I think about it, please?” I’ve always believed that this was just a polite way of saying, “Sorry, but no thanks.” Indeed, that’s consistent with my observations, and with what I’ve read in various articles. However, a female friend recently told me that this is exactly what she said to another fellow, and she meant it sincerely. They did go out later, and now she’s in love with him. So, what do you think? Ladies? Gents? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/2 "2005-02-23T15:39:38Z")
It means “no”. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/3 "2005-02-23T15:40:26Z")
Depends on the circumstance. In _most_ cases I would say she is not really interested, since if I really liked a guy and he asked me out I would not have to think about it. However I can think of a few instances there might be a reason to stop and think: Do you work together? Is one of you in a position of authority over the other? Is she an ex of a friend or relative or something like that? If there are circumstances like that I could see pausing before going out with someone, even if I really liked them. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/4 "2005-02-23T15:53:16Z")
IME, it means “no, but I don’t want to come out and say ‘no’” Similar to its cousin “Let’s talk about this”/“I’ve already made up my mind for you”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/5 "2005-02-23T16:06:21Z")
I would say give her the benefit of the doubt, she’s “thinking about it”. There could be any number of reasons, given the question that’s been asked. When I was a kid and my mom said “I’ll think about it” sometimes the answer was no, sometimes the answer was yes. Don’t be too quick to judge, unless you know for certain that this person has a hard time saying “no”. ---
**Author:** ![Canadiangirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Canadiangirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadiangirl)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/6 "2005-02-23T16:19:24Z")
If I got up the nerve to ask someone out and they said that, I wouldn’t bother any more. Not because I’m in doubt, only because I personally think it’s rude. She should be able to answer yes or no, or even a “I think i’ve got something planned on that day but can I double check and call you?”. In my humble opinion. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/7 "2005-02-23T16:24:12Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > IME, it means “no, but I don’t want to come out and say ‘no’” > > Similar to its cousin “Let’s talk about this”/“I’ve already made up my mind for you”. 🙂 Is that like “I think we should see other people”=“I already am”? The only circumstance I can see where this response would be appropriate would be if you had previously dated her best friend and she wants to get her clearance first. That’s legit, and she should tell you that right up front. Any other reason (I think my current boyfriend is going to dump me, I want to see if I get a better offer before the weekend, etc.) is plain rude. Perhaps she means “I want to go home and Google you to find out if you are a weirdo before I say ‘yes’?” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/8 "2005-02-23T16:25:12Z")
I’d guess that it means no, but it could also mean “I want to, but I need to officially breakup with chowderhead first.” ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/9 "2005-02-23T16:29:20Z")
Are you two already friends? Because she may not want to take a chance on ruining that. Or like was said, what if you work together? Or the girlfriend thing. If she thinks about it for more than a few days, then she’s being a bitch–it’s not nice to leave someone hanging like that. Maybe she is incredibly indecisive…not a good sign! ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/10 "2005-02-23T17:04:46Z")
In my experience it usually means “no”. It also means she’s too cowardly to just come out and say “no” instead of giving the other person false hope. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/11 "2005-02-23T17:09:37Z")
Could mean “I don’t know and I have to think about it. _internal panic mode_” At least, that’s what I meant. I’m married to him now. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/12 "2005-02-23T17:13:16Z")
> [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > In my experience it usually means “no”. It also means she’s too cowardly to just come out and say “no” instead of giving the other person false hope. Or maybe she thinks the person might be a psycho and doesn’t want to set them off. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/13 "2005-02-23T17:35:20Z")
If I said that to a guy, it means I want to think about it. Maybe I want to do a criminal background check, or, more likely, ask around and find out what kind of guy he is before I say yes. If I don’t know him very well, I’m probably going to want to do a bit of homework. I would also probably say that to a guy that I had a good friendship with. A true friend is hard to find, and before you start dating you should think hard about what would happen if a romance started and then ended. Could the friendship survive? Does the risk of dating outweigh the benefits you already have with your friend, etc.? I can see where some women would take that route when they really mean “no,” though, in which case she should just say no. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/14 "2005-02-23T17:38:50Z")
When I say it, I mean “I want to think about it.” If it’s a no, then I’ll just say so in a polite way. ---
**Author:** ![pasunejen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/58956e/32.png) [@pasunejen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pasunejen)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/15 "2005-02-23T17:43:09Z")
If I told a guy I needed to think about it, it would mean just that. For instance, if I weren’t already in a relationship right now, this would be an iffy time in my life for any kind of romantic involvement. I might need to seriously consider whether or not it was worth it before I jumped in, and that decision can’t always be made in a snap. Same holds for changing friendships to relationships, etc., as others mentioned above. Women who actually want to say no really should just do so. It would make things easier for everybody. ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/16 "2005-02-23T17:55:04Z")
Did you ask her to go skydiving? That might require some serious thought. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/77aa72/32.png) [@Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_On_My_Sleeve)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/17 "2005-02-23T18:05:07Z")
I can only speak for myself, but if I said that, it would mean just that. I don’t think a person should say that if they really mean no, but I could understand if she’s had issues in the past. I guess the point is that, as usual, the answer will not be the same for every woman. We don’t have some agreed-upon code language designed specifically to confuse men. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/18 "2005-02-23T19:03:37Z")
> [@Heart On My Sleeve](#): > > I guess the point is that, as usual, the answer will not be the same for every woman. We don’t have some agreed-upon code language designed specifically to confuse men. You must have missed that meeting… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/19 "2005-02-23T19:15:02Z")
I think it’s interesting that most of the responses fall in either of two camps: (a) It generally means “No!” or (b) “Well, when I say it, it means I want to think about it.” What does that tell you? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536/20 "2005-02-23T21:07:35Z")
“Can I think about it please?” could mean “I’m not good at snap decisions.” Or, “I’m trying to cure myself of making snap decisions” (either saying “yes” too automatically or saying “no” too automatically). Was this a response to going out with you, or to going out to a particular event? That is, was the question, “Hey, do you want to go out **with me**?” or “Hey, do you want to **go to the monster truck rally** with me **Friday night**?” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-mean-when-a-woman-says-can-i-think-about-it/291536.md?page=2)