# What does it take to make a REALLY bad movie? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2000, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788 "2000-08-02T03:46:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/41 "2000-08-04T09:32:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JosephFinn \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > > \*\*Did you know that Joe Don Baker wants to kick everyone’s ass at MST3K for Mitchell? > > \*\* > > Oh, lighten up Joe! > > “Yes, yes! They have successfully merged!” > > “It’s really hard to follow someone in a slow-motion car chase when they put their turn signals on.” \*\* MST3K Mitchell was great–probably my favorite feature film. Remember when Linda Evans writes “Jerk” on Mitchell’s car with her lipstick, and Crow says “Mitchell, word on the street is, you’re a jerk.”? Or when Linda Evans enters Mitchell’s sloppy apartment and one of the robots says “There are some chips in the couch–help yourself”? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/42 "2000-08-04T13:32:50Z")
I liked the part when Mitchell got into the argument with the kid… Oh, and the part where the guy breaks into the house and they’re like, “It’s Johnny Mathis!” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/43 "2000-08-04T13:53:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Baglady \* > \*\*I think it’s just a matter of making sure everybody you hire onto the project is doing it just for money, with absolutely no heart into it whatsoever. \*\* Au contraire! The key here is earnestness. profound earnestness as in the sense that you are involved in an important project that will enlighten and empower the viewers and drive home an important message. I would think Ed Wood or Oliver Stone directing Demi Moore and Kevin Costner would be just about perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/44 "2000-08-04T20:38:30Z")
Any film that has appeared on both MSTK and AMC Particularly “Hercules” type movies. My personal fave is a battle scene (why can’t shay spell?) where various Greeks and or Romans are being carried off the field and Crow yells " Call IXII, IXII!!" (911 in roman numerals for the curious) ---
**Author:** ![JosephFinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3bc359/32.png) [@JosephFinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JosephFinn)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/45 "2000-08-04T20:50:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*I liked the part when Mitchell got into the argument with the kid… > > Oh, and the part where the guy breaks into the house and they’re like, “It’s Johnny Mathis!” > \*\* Oh great, here comes the car chase scene’s ‘chase car.’ ---
**Author:** ![BlockHead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@BlockHead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlockHead)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/46 "2000-08-04T20:59:45Z")
Two dudes and one chick lost in the woods. Can you say Blair Witch? ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/47 "2000-08-04T21:09:50Z")
Baruch Atah Adonai, Elohaynu melech ha’olam, she-he-he-yanu v’kiy-manu vehigiyanu laz-man hazeh. JoesephFinn Is this the blessing over the post? On a completely different subject, I accompanied my grandfather to a funeral recently. He has a hearing aid in each ear so he can hear nothing in stereo. During the Mourner’s Kaddish (kaddush?) Grandpa was REALLY rolling. He was loud enough for 5 rows in every direction. At one point, he realized he was ahead of the rabbi, and announced to himself (and everyone else) “Oh, I better let this guy catch up” It was a really lovely service. ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/48 "2000-08-04T21:27:57Z")
No one has quite got it right so far, so I’ll throw in my $0.02: “The Slammer” Budget: $210M Soundtrack: Prince and Art of Noise Writer(s): Akiva Goldsman and Dean Devlin Produceer(s): Roland Emmerich and Jerry Bruckheimer Director: Roland Emmerich until he quits and Michael Bay takes over. Starring: Martin Lawrence Dustin Hoffman Sean Connery Dan Ackroyd Wesley Snipes Courtney Love ``` and ``` Nicholas Cage as “Cool Wheels Johnny” Premise: FBI Agent “Bullet” Wilder (Hoffman) is facing retirement, but is ordered by FBI Section Chief O’Biscuit (Connery) to train his replacement: undercover specialist and loose cannon Jimmy Jackson (Lawrence). Bullet wants to reject the assignment, but he is engaged to O’Biscuit’s wild daughter Cloe (Love) and doesn’t want to rock the boat! Training is anything but routine when the mismatched duo run afoul of evil genius Linus Skellwether (Ackroyd in heavy old age makeup) and his plans to unleash giant radioactive lizards in New York City. Tracking Skellwether to his secret hideout on recently-closed Riker’s Island, they realize the only men who can get them in is Cool Wheels Johnny (Cage), a former car thief turned Elvis impersonator, and Georgette (Snipes), a burglar-turned-drag queen/vampire hunter, who were cellmates at Riker’s but now hate each other. Notable scenes: Ackroyd heckles the heroes in a cheesy old man voice while Lawrence (dressed as an old fat woman), Cage and Snipes (in drag) sing their rendition of Prince’s “Raspberry Beret” to distract him. Meanwhile, Hoffman defuses the bomb that threatens to kill Love and Connery while Connery comically offers tea to a rapidly growing atomic lizard. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/49 "2000-08-04T23:02:02Z")
I um…uh…actually…uh…liked …theblairwitchproject…gulp…ducks flaming pies ---
**Author:** ![popokis5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@popokis5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/popokis5)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2000, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/50 "2000-08-05T04:31:57Z")
My vote is to have Nichole Kidman in it. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2000, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/51 "2000-08-05T21:08:03Z")
“The Blaire Witch Project” was a great movie! Sure, it was overhyped. Sure, it didn’t have fancy-pants special effects. Sure, nobody really believed that the movie was about actual events. But it was quite unique, interesting, and the only movie to truly scare me in a long, long time. Anyway, I think that a REALLY bad movie requires: 1. At least one horrible actor in a leading role. It doesn’t matter if all the other leading roles are filled with people with talent; one stinker spoils the whole thing. 2. Total lack of focus. Many movies try to do too many things. An action movie should focus on the action, a comedy should focus on the comedy, etc. A movie that switches back and forth, higgeldy-piggeldy, between one theme and another usually sucks bad. 3. A failed attempt at being a great movie. A lot of movies aren’t great, but they at least _know_ they aren’t great. Usually when this is the case, the movie is at least good. When a movie that might otherwise be good tries to be great, and fails, the result is a crappy movie. Anyway, just my $.02. :o ) ---
**Author:** ![Tzel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Tzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzel)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/52 "2000-08-06T05:48:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\*“The Blaire Witch Project” was a great movie! Sure, it was overhyped. Sure, it didn’t have fancy-pants special effects. Sure, nobody really believed that the movie was about actual events. But it was quite unique, interesting, and the only movie to truly scare me in a long, long time. > \*\* Actually, when the phenomenon was just starting to pick up its pace, I had some none-too-swift friends who were convinced that the movie was indeed factual. BTW, did anyone catch the Sci-Fi channel “Curse of Blair Witch” special that was airead before, to my knowledge, the actual movie had gone beyond it’s indy-film screening begininngs. I caught it by accident when my sis was trying to tape MST3K. It was kind of like a prelude to the whole BW ordeal. As for the awful movie: It would be one of those buddy comedies with an evil corporate presence thrown in just to create force a plot on which to hang the “jokes.” Audiences would, a few months later, forget they had ever even seen the movie. On the previews, it would mention other movies more than it mentions itself. (I noticed this on the commercial for Titan A.E. Mentioned Star Wars incessantly, as well as a few other lame comparisons I can’t recall.) It would be based on a book by a failed sci-fi writer who went on to found a shady religion popular with Hollywood celebrities and gullible people. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/53 "2000-08-06T18:57:02Z")
My terrible movie will be a period piece with lots of non-period conforming costumes. In other words, all the women’s boobs will be sticking out of the top, even if it is the Victorian era. Anyway, Kevin Costner will be a co-star and and he’ll have to affect an English - no, let’s say an IRISH - accent this time. Of course, since his Irish accent is the same as his English accent, which coincidentally is the same as his American accent, it shouldn’t pose a problem for him. We’ll call him Sean O’Brien. Sean is a guy who pines from afar for the harried widowed mom, Bridget Smith (Liv Tyler). How Bridget maintains her impeccable white teeth and sculptured arms while working 18-hour shifts at the mill to make ends meet, is a mystery. Anyway, at night she reads books by candlelight (to show off her great skin) to her adorable and well behaved 7 year old (that dude from Sixth Sense maybe?). Anyway, the guy who Bridget likes, John Case, is a studly roguish mill worker. He’s handsome but strictly no good. In a horrible miscast, he’ll be played by Justin Timberlake of 'nSync because the studio heads forced me into casting him. The music will be done by ELO and there will be a scene where Bridget and John go walking by the Thames. They pass a fair (Scarborough?) where a band will strike up some upbeat music. John will break out into impromptu dancing and Bridget falls more deeply in love with him, much to Sean’s chagrin. Anyway, in the end John will meet a horrific death by a knife wielding prostitute, played by Demi Moore, who will show us her breasts. Bridget will be crushed, but the ending scene has her walking off with Sean. Aerosmith, of course, will sing the love ballad. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/54 "2000-08-06T19:09:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wolfman \* > \*\*I would first pick a story by a bad sci-fi author like L. Ron, have the screenplay done by Tarantino, with a last minute rewrite by Adam Sandler > > It would directed by a collaborative effort by Kevin Costner and Oliver Stone, which would make it 4 hours long and incomprehesible. > It would star McCauley Caulkin, John Travolta and Darryl Hannah. > The DP(director of photography) and cameramen would be taken from the Batman TV series. > The costume designer would be who ever does costumes for Dr Who. > Finally throw on a soundtrack by Brittany Spears. \*\* wolfman, if you ever scrape together the funding for such a picture let me know. I would _pay_ to see such a horrific creation! ---
**Author:** ![Grendel69](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7bcc69/32.png) [@Grendel69](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grendel69)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/55 "2000-08-06T19:21:19Z")
Costner, Shatner, and Keanu Reeves doing a modern adaptation of Hamlet… \ ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/56 "2000-08-06T20:03:25Z")
The wrst movie in the world was already made, its called : Ricky-O… Not only is it the worst movie, its the worst Kung-fu choreography in it. Its the movie where the OLD Daily Show with Craig Kilbourne, got the clip of that huge guy smashing that other guys head with his fists. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/57 "2000-08-07T03:38:54Z")
A _ **really** _ bad movie? How does a remake of _Dirty Dancing_ woth Ricky Martin as Patrick Swayze and Britney Spears as Baby sound to you? I may retch. It’s all Eve’s fault that I found this out, too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/58 "2000-08-07T05:18:47Z")
Nobody has mentioned this element of bad-movie making, so I’ll bring it up: casting relatives of famous people in the starring roles. Operation Younger Brother, starring Neil Connery (also released as Operation Double Double-Oh-Seven) Savage Harbor, starring Frank Stallone. Hell, throw in a Baldwin or two, just for good measure. –sublight ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/59 "2000-08-08T02:33:43Z")
Worst movie I’ve had the misery to see was called “razorblade kisses” or something like that. See, it’s about this vampire who is also a paid assasin working for a secret government agency. She drives a really hot car,wears a LOT of tight leather and has nice long dark hair and shows lots of cleavage, also she has some the greatest boots I’ve ever seen. There are many slow-mo scenes where she flings her hair back and shows her fangs as they gleam in the moonlight. After she bites her victim in the neck and drains them of their life force, she then shoots her prey in the neck to cover up the bite marks. I couldn’t make this shit up. It has a little something for everybody…cars,leather,guns,blood,cleavage,occult,government conspiracies, hair and of course great footwear. ---
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788/60 "2000-08-08T02:58:15Z")
Anything based on the most recent children’s obsession, as long as it is made in the biggest hurry possible to make sure it’s still The Thing when it’s released. Such graduates of this school of thought include \*Masters of the Universe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, \*and of course, _Pokémon._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-it-take-to-make-a-really-bad-movie/27788.md?page=4)