# What does "knows how to treat a lady" mean? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 30, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398 "2004-03-30T21:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![far\_born](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@far\_born](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/far_born)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/1 "2004-03-30T21:20:42Z")
I’m asking this in regards to personal ads. I guess maybe I don’t know how to treat a lady. Is this a hint that they don’t want to go dutch? ---
**Author:** ![Padmaraga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Padmaraga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padmaraga)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/2 "2004-03-30T21:28:33Z")
Maybe you should ask the person what **they** mean by it. I, for instance, like a man to open doors for me, help me on & off with my coat, walk on the “outside” of the sidewalk so I can walk on the “inside”, and all the rest of that “old-fashioned” etiquette stuff. And yes, if he invites me out, I do assume that he’s paying, unless he specifically says otherwise (no one likes to be surprised when they’re stuck with a bill and no means to pay it). But if he can’t afford to pay my way, that doesn’t mean he’s not “treating me like a lady”, not to me. I also include in my definition of “how to treat a lady” that a man shouldn’t tell off-color jokes, swear, burp, fart, pick his nose, or generally behave rudely and crudely. But - as I said, you are best off asking the person for **their** definition. ---
**Author:** ![far\_born](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@far\_born](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/far_born)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/3 "2004-03-30T21:44:16Z")
> [@Padmaraga](#): > > Maybe you should ask the person what **they** mean by it. There’s wisdom in that, but it seems like one of those “if you have to ask, you don’t know” sort of things. I guess I’d like to here from the ladies who’d use that phrase themselves or men who’ve talked to women about it. > [@Padmaraga](#): > > I, for instance, like a man to open doors for me, help me on & off with my coat, walk on the “outside” of the sidewalk so I can walk on the “inside”, and all the rest of that “old-fashioned” etiquette stuff. And yes, if he invites me out, I do assume that he’s paying, unless he specifically says otherwise (no one likes to be surprised when they’re stuck with a bill and no means to pay it). But if he can’t afford to pay my way, that doesn’t mean he’s not “treating me like a lady”, not to me. Wow, walk on the outside of the sidewalk? Never would have occured to me. Is that to avoid car splashes and the like? Methinks I should stick to tomboys. > [@Padmaraga](#): > > I also include in my definition of “how to treat a lady” that a man shouldn’t tell off-color jokes, swear, burp, fart, pick his nose, or generally behave rudely and crudely… That parts easy enough I suppose, especially on a first date. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/4 "2004-03-30T21:47:16Z")
It means he’s not overtly looking to score on the first date. He won’t turn down the offer, but it’s not his M.O. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/5 "2004-03-30T21:54:17Z")
[QUOTE=far\_born] Methinks I should stick to tomboys. QUOTE]Easy there, fella. This tomboy still likes to be treated like a lady. It’s just that, at the end of the day, I’ll still kick your ass in _Mario Kart Double Dash!!_ ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/6 "2004-03-30T22:26:20Z")
I think it’s code for “high maintenance” (and I know there have been threads on what _that_ means). I expect to be treated courteously – but can’t imagine specifying that, any more than I can imagine specifying “must wear pants” or “must speak English.” To say that I want to be “treated like a lady” implies some very specific standards of “gentlemanly” behavior. I’d skip that candidate, frankly. ---
**Author:** ![Padmaraga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Padmaraga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padmaraga)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/7 "2004-03-30T22:40:21Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > I think it’s code for “high maintenance” (and I know there have been threads on what _that_ means). > I’d skip that candidate, frankly. Ok, maybe that’s been your experience. But I can tell you that I have never been regarded as “high maintenance” by anyone, to the very best of my knowledge. Believe me, I know “high maintenance” (I work with a classic example), and it has more to do with self-centeredness and a sense of entitlement than it does with wanting to be treated in a way that makes one feel feminine and respected, which is what my definition really is about. Most of my female friends would agree. But it’s well within your right to decide you don’t feel like dealing with someone who wants to be treated that way. You’re both better off, I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/2bfe46/32.png) [@Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xavier)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/8 "2004-03-30T22:45:05Z")
It means after bitch-slapping her for talking over you, hold the door open. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/9 "2004-03-30T22:57:19Z")
It’s kind of a corny statement and sounds like something a relatively unsophisitcated person would say, but some women like that in a man. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/10 "2004-03-31T00:27:54Z")
Some women like displays of old-fashioned manners – holding doors, paying for meals, waiting longer before becoming intimate. Other women, though, see this as weak, boring, or, even worse, patronizing. I’m thoroughly old school when it comes to public etiquette. And I’ve been in situations where I was ridiculed or insulted for this. One particular female threw a fit when I held a door open for her. “I’m perfectly capable of opening it myself,” was her comment. Another woman was enraged when I called her “ma’am”, claiming that I was labeling her as the proprietor of a brothel. She definitely would not last ten minutes in the South. Therefore, when I hear a woman say that she “likes to be treated like a lady”, I assume she prefers men who are chivalrous, nonagressive, thoughtful, and interested in spending time with her for motives that don’t necessarily include getting physical right away. She’s looking for someone who has class, is a romantic, and likes her for her mind. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/11 "2004-03-31T00:41:22Z")
If I saw that phrase in a personal ad, I’d guess it could mean any of the following: Likes old-fashioned manners Wants the man to pay for everything Doesn’t want to be abused Wants to be put on a pedestal Is not “just one of the guys” or who knows what else. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/12 "2004-03-31T01:05:47Z")
> [@Padmaraga](#): > > I also include in my definition of “how to treat a lady” that a man shouldn’t tell off-color jokes, swear, burp, fart, pick his nose, or generally behave rudely and crudely. So what in the world do you want a man for? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tokyo\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@Tokyo\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokyo_Mann)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/13 "2004-03-31T02:20:06Z")
> [@far\_born](#): > > Wow, walk on the outside of the sidewalk? Never would have occured to me. Is that to avoid car splashes and the like? My high school English teacher taught it was because (whenever) people used to dump liquids from upper stories, and the person outside was more likely to get it. Mostly likely that’s an urban legend. That custom does seem to be not as well known. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/14 "2004-03-31T02:26:47Z")
In my experience, generally the fair lady expects that if a commoner fails to doff his cap as she passes by, the gentleman will treat the scoundrel to a sound thrashing with his walking-stick. ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/15 "2004-03-31T02:29:24Z")
[QUOTE=JuanitaTech] > [@far\_born](#): > > Methinks I should stick to tomboys. QUOTE]Easy there, fella. This tomboy still likes to be treated like a lady. It’s just that, at the end of the day, I’ll still kick your ass in _Mario Kart Double Dash!!_ A quick hijack here…Mario Kart Double Dash…rocks!!! I will kick your ass at it or smile trying anytime you’d like! 😃 I’m not sure if I’ve had more fun playing DD than the original though…it’s a pretty good tossup. -K ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/16 "2004-03-31T02:39:45Z")
What is it about _Mario Kart Double Dash_ that brings out the ladies. **Morelin** and I were playing it while we waited for delivery of FFX-2 at the game store and she was just kicking the crap out of me! And we’d both never played it before… Waitaminute, I think I figured out the appeal… ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/17 "2004-03-31T05:25:11Z")
> [@Tokyo\_Mann](#): > > My high school English teacher taught it was because (whenever) people used to dump liquids from upper stories, and the person outside was more likely to get it. Mostly likely that’s an urban legend. > > That custom does seem to be not as well known. I was taught that it was a protective gesture as well, never heard the liquids (eww) theory but just placing the stronger person next to the traffic, random passerby, etc. If pedestrian traffic is right lane, then the inside person potentially has buildings on their right and the protector person on their left, see? I’ve thought about it and realized when walking with my child I place him on the inside, but when walking with a date I gravitate toward the inside. Even though I’m a **Twickster** wannabe and wouldn’t think of using the terminology to describe what I’m looking for, it’s sorta still there. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/18 "2004-03-31T05:48:11Z")
At best, it means she appreciates courtesy and good manners. At worst, as has been previously suggested, it could be a corny and rather off-putting phrase suggesting that she expects to be put on a pedestal. (Heheh - show me a fence and I’ll sit on it - I suppose that is not very helpful, but if I were a man reading that in a personals ad, it would not make me 100% happy, I think.) btw - I thought the “walking nearest the road” thing was about car splashes and so on. I had thought it was a well-known one , but then, I am getting to be an old fogey. ☹ Best of luck with it all, anyway, Mr **far-born**! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/19 "2004-03-31T05:55:01Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > In my experience, generally the fair lady expects that if a commoner fails to doff his cap as she passes by, the gentleman will treat the scoundrel to a sound thrashing with his walking-stick Thanks, best laugh I’ve had all day!! But lets see… Hmmm… What does it mean; “Knows how to treat a lady.” It means my pretentious meter just went off the f’n dail!! (stay away) ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398/20 "2004-03-31T11:53:17Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > In my experience, generally the fair lady expects that if a commoner fails to doff his cap as she passes by, the gentleman will treat the scoundrel to a sound thrashing with his walking-stick. Bally well horse-whip them! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-knows-how-to-treat-a-lady-mean/237398.md?page=2)