# What does "mostly bisexual" mean to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2017, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169 "2017-04-24T21:41:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/21 "2017-04-24T23:39:00Z")
[Bi-erasure.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_erasure) In a nutshell, it’s the practice of denying that bisexual people are “really” bi, and insisting that people who identify as bi are fooling themselves/their partners about their actual sexual orientation. It usually comes in two, predictably gendered, flavors: bisexual women are “tourists” who are only dating women to be trendy, before they inevitably settle down in a heterosexual relationship, and bisexual men are really self-loathing gay men who need to get over their hang ups and admit they’re only into guys. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/22 "2017-04-24T23:44:28Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > What is the difference between bisexual and pansexual? I hope this is not too much of a hijack. I truly am not really sure. I think it means bisexual + polyamorous. Paging **Pantastic** … ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/23 "2017-04-24T23:46:25Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > [Bi-erasure.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_erasure) In a nutshell, it’s the practice of denying that bisexual people are “really” bi, and insisting that people who identify as bi are fooling themselves/their partners about their actual sexual orientation. It usually comes in two, predictably gendered, flavors: bisexual women are “tourists” who are only dating women to be trendy, before they inevitably settle down in a heterosexual relationship, and bisexual men are really self-loathing gay men who need to get over their hang ups and admit they’re only into guys. But **panache** was not saying all bisexauls are in denial, only that it’s a thing, especially for men, and that he’s known quite a few. And when you consider his age, he probably knows a lot of guys who just can’t quite admit to being gay. IIRC, you identify as bi, but you shouldn’t take this personally. I can’t imagine **panache** was talking about you. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/24 "2017-04-24T23:59:42Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > What is the difference between bisexual and pansexual? I hope this is not too much of a hijack. Pansexual means not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity. So, the whole enchilada, whereas bisexual is mostly just talking about the biological sex. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/25 "2017-04-25T00:00:46Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Pansexual means not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity. So, the whole enchilada, whereas bisexual is mostly just talking about the biological sex. Huh? What exactly are the ingredients of that enchilada? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/26 "2017-04-25T00:02:23Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > What is the difference between bisexual and pansexual? I hope this is not too much of a hijack. I think it goes something like this: if you ask me whether I want a red sweater or a blue sweater, and I say either one, I could be using two different thought processes. I might like the color red and the color blue, so I’m happy about either one (but maybe I strongly dislike green sweaters). Or, I might only care about the length or material, and the color isn’t even relevant. In terms of orientation there isn’t much in the way of “green sweaters” (maybe intersex people?), so the distinction is mostly academical. I’m not bi- or pan-, so if I’m wrong someone please correct me. But that’s how I’ve understood it. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/27 "2017-04-25T00:13:40Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I truly am not really sure. I think it means bisexual + polyamorous. Paging **Pantastic** … Is he polyamourous? I always assumed he was just really into bread. At any rate, no, it’s nothing to do with polyamory. It’s about rejecting binary gender models. Some people feel that “bisexual” implies that there are only two genders. “Pansexual” indicates an openness to dating people who do not identify as part of the gender binary, or who don’t occupy a fixed position on it. Granted, people who identify as pansexual tend to also identify as polyamorous, but there’s not a definitional link there. ETA: **Malleus** ’s metaphor is really good. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/28 "2017-04-25T00:17:11Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Huh? What exactly are the ingredients of that enchilada? Ice cream. It’s an ice cream enchilada. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/29 "2017-04-25T00:20:21Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Ice cream. It’s an ice cream enchilada. Chocolate or Vanilla? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/30 "2017-04-25T00:22:37Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Huh? What exactly are the ingredients of that enchilada? Means being attracted to people, regardless of whether they were assigned male or female at birth, have male or female body parts, or feel themselves to be male or female. A bisexual man would be assumed to be attracted to women who were interested in men, and men who were interested in men. A much smaller subset of the pansexual outlook. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/31 "2017-04-25T00:23:01Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Is he polyamourous? I always assumed he was just really into bread. She (I think) is pansexual and has had poly relationships, IRRC. Thanks for the clarification. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/32 "2017-04-25T00:26:44Z")
They are about 60/40 gay half the time and 60/40 straight for the other half. As a result they are more bi more of the time than either straight or gay. Or they may just want to see if you can get the joke. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/33 "2017-04-25T00:29:04Z")
FWIW, I bought into the “bi means you just haven’t figured it out yet,” and identified politically as a lesbian, so I briefly called myself that for about two years in my 20s, but I knew in my heart of hearts that I had no regrets about prior experiences with men, and I still felt attracted to them once in a while. I have a lot of years of being bisexual under my belt, and I can’t explain “mostly bi,” unless it really means “It’s not a phase, even if I might date one gender exclusively for a while.” Kinda like how I learned my lesson after trying to be a lesbian. I have been married to a man since 2001, and we have been completely monogamous, with no desire to stray, not even when we were separated while he was in Iraq, but I still recognize that ontologically, I am bisexual. It’s OK. My husband and I can share recognizing women as attractive, and it’s kind of cool. When I find a man attractive, I keep it to myself though-- well, around my husband, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/34 "2017-04-25T00:45:04Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Chocolate or Vanilla? If you’re straight/gay, it’s either chocolate or vanilla. If you’re bi, it’s both chocolate and vanilla. If you’re pansexual, then who cares? It’s ice cream. Let’s eat. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/35 "2017-04-25T00:46:52Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > They are about 60/40 gay half the time and 60/40 straight for the other half. As a result they are more bi more of the time than either straight or gay. I think Abraham Lincoln said that. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/36 "2017-04-25T00:53:05Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Chocolate or Vanilla? It can be chocolate and vanilla or just chocolate, but never just vanilla. See, it’s not that hard to keep up. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/37 "2017-04-25T00:53:17Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > If you’re straight/gay, it’s either chocolate or vanilla. > If you’re bi, it’s both chocolate and vanilla. > If you’re pansexual, then who cares? It’s ice cream. Let’s eat. That’s the most sensible thing anyone has posted in this thread! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/38 "2017-04-25T01:19:51Z")
Remember that ice cream that had chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry in the same container? Do they still make that? I hated that stuff. I was happy with either chocolate or vanilla or both, but some of the strawberry inevitably sneaked in and ruined everything. I guess that makes me bi-icecreamal, but not pan-icecreamal. Oh, and “mostly bi?” I have no idea wtf that means. And count me amongst those that never assumed bisexual meant a 50/50 attraction. ---
**Author:** ![DrForrester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@DrForrester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrForrester)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/39 "2017-04-25T02:00:27Z")
I’ve always found it interesting that there are fewer people willing to self-identify that they are bisexual than gay. Instead, I hear terms like “omnisexual”. Somehow, there seems to be a non-committal element in bisexuality. Make up your mind! It’s fascinating how something as seemingly simple as sex is ceaselessly complex. It’s variations and social interactions echo on and on and on forever. Maybe it’s a fractal? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/40 "2017-04-25T02:07:15Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > But **panache** was not saying all bisexauls are in denial, only that it’s a thing, especially for men, and that he’s known quite a few. I refer you back to my initial response to **panache** ’s post. It’s inclusive to the points you raise here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169.md?page=3)