# What does "mostly bisexual" mean to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2017, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169 "2017-04-24T21:41:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/61 "2017-04-25T16:20:48Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I find it difficult to imagine how who you have sex with is something that just happens. Life is something that happens to you. I think most of us know in the rational part of our mind that the idea that every person has a soul mate is nonsense. You meet people in the course of your life. Some of them you’ll be attracted to. Some of them will be attracted to you. Some of them will be single. Some of them will be people you’ll meet when you are single. The Venn Diagram of all this indicates who you have relationships with a lot more that your pre-existing notions of who your ideal mate is. As for the odds, I think pretty much everyone agrees that heterosexuality is more common than homosexuality. So a bisexual man is likely to meet more women who are attracted to men than men who are attracted to men. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/62 "2017-04-25T18:13:03Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > Pansexual means ‘attracted to people regardless of gender’, and explicitly includes non-binary and trans people. Generally the main difference between ‘pansexual’ and bisexual’ is that a pansexual person is trying to explicitly include non-binary people, and often they don’t consider gender important, though that also doesn’t mean ‘bisexual’ explicitly excludes anyone. There’s no hard line between the two other than ‘what someone says they are’. It doesn’t have anything to do with being polyamorous or not. Poly is a completely separate thing that has it’s own department of identity police to argue about, there are plenty of people who identify as pansexual and not poly. This is how my pansexual husband describes himself, and prior to our meeting he had all kinds of relations, including poly (he was brought out at age 9 by two older girls and a boy). He has occasionally described “pansexual” as having sex while cooking. > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Some of them you’ll be attracted to. Some of them will be attracted to you. Some of them will be single. Some of them will be people you’ll meet when you are single. _“Some of them want to use you, Some of them want to get used by you, Some of them want to abuse you, Some of them want to be abused.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/63 "2017-04-25T20:57:08Z")
All you can do is keep your head up and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/64 "2017-04-25T22:20:41Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > If you’re straight/gay, it’s either chocolate or vanilla. > If you’re bi, it’s both chocolate and vanilla. > If you’re pansexual, then who cares? It’s ice cream. Let’s eat. It is worth noting that there’s a significant percentage of bisexuals who would fall in the “then who cares? It’s ice cream?” camp. They don’t want to change because they think that all the work in getting exposure and representation for bisexuals shouldn’t be thrown away because someone came up with a slightly more etymologically correct term. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2017, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/65 "2017-04-27T00:28:06Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > homophobes […] tend to confuse “bisexual” with “will try to have sex with anything that moves or does not move” Indeed, and that kind of misconception is probably even worse for a term like pansexual. I suppose it gets confused in some people’s minds with “promiscuous” or “indiscriminate”. I don’t really get why, as even if someone doesn’t discriminate based on gender, they’re still going to be doing it on the basis of physical attractiveness, age, socioeconomic status, personality, fetishistic idiosyncrasies, etc, same as anyone else. And at a certain age, they’ll probably be in a stable monogamous relationship, same as anyone else. Or, in other words: In a world of pansexuals, I still most likely wouldn’t be able to get a date. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2017, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/66 "2017-04-27T00:56:19Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Ok, I’m back. Sorry if my post was misleading. I said there are SOME people who use “bi” in order to deny their homosexuality. I wasn’t denying that genuine bisexuality exists. In fact, I believe that the vast majority of people, if they were truly self-aware, are to some degree bisexual. In fact, I think life would be a lot easier if we all were. I agree that in a world where there were no stigmas, everyone would be bisexual to some degree. > [@](#): > > My husband and I both recognize attractive men and women. The difference is that he understands that I’m only sexually attracted to the men, whereas my attraction to the women is entirely aesthetic. OK. My husband and I talk about finding other women “doable,” for lack of a less crass term. We frequently agree that we would not kick a woman out of bed for eating crackers. I find it interesting that we like a lot of the same women. Not always, though-- there’s about a 75% overlap. He has no interest whatsoever in discussing that merits of say, Denzel Washington, or Cary Grant. > [@Taber](#): > > It is worth noting that there’s a significant percentage of bisexuals who would fall in the “then who cares? It’s ice cream?” camp. They don’t want to change because they think that all the work in getting exposure and representation for bisexuals shouldn’t be thrown away because someone came up with a slightly more etymologically correct term. I am in the “Who cares?” camp, in that, while I am completely monogamous with DH, and have no plans to be otherwise, if I were ever dating again, I would be open to transgendered people, MtF, FtM, pre-op, post-op, none of that matters. Also, non-binary-gendered people, or whatever the term is: intersexed, othersexed, whatever. Doesn’t matter. However, I am into _people_. Adult people. I’m a little afraid that the term “pansexual” might be misunderstood to include children or animals. It’s just not common enough to have a generally understood meaning. And “pan” does mean “all,” or “everything.” If the word becomes generally used and understood, I might use it. ---
**Author:** ![igor\_frankensteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/839c29/32.png) [@igor\_frankensteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/igor_frankensteen)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2017, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/67 "2017-04-27T02:16:22Z")
My my. I’m seeing almost the full range of all the arguments and suggestions I’ve been seeing since I was a kid, and first became aware that there was more than just heterosexual girls and boys. The only thing that interests ME in all this, are the various motivations people have for arguing about it or calculating it. Especially calculating it. Ten percent this and ninety percent that? Really? Based on what? Anyway. I have come to suspect that sexuality is THE most complicated subject area for humans of all. Not \* just\* because we have so many new subgroups to pretend to be scientific about, but because individual sexuality all by itself, involves dozens, maybe hundreds or even thousands of small facets and factors. Just for myself, for example: I only get hot to trot for females. But what gets me thinking and feeling sexual is a lot of subtle factors, even once all the males are out of the room. How she moves. How she talks. How she smells. These and much more, are all SENSORY elements of experiencing another person, not just idle visual elements. And I am convinced from direct experience, that MOST elements of sexual attraction are NOT determined by psychology. Because actual SEXUAL desire for someone IS entirely different from the mechanics of contact. Shaking hands with one person can be entirely meaningless, while with another it can be electric. Anyway. before I get to far afield, I mainly wanted to put in my vote with the people who say that when someone says “I’m mostly X,” that it’s NOT them being all scientific, and reporting the results of extensive screening tests. I suspect MOST people, regardless of which label they declare, are really referring to what they want to IMAGINE that they are, and that they want other people to IMAGINE that they are. And in my observational experience, there’s almost never any clear measurable relationship between the intensity of the selected label, and the actual person’s sexuality. Because it’s so complicated. But there IS always a measurable close relationship between the chosen label, and the politics of personal experience the person is going through when they are asked. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2017, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/68 "2017-04-27T02:23:53Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > He has occasionally described “pansexual” as having sex while cooking. Pan-fried ice cream enchilada. Sounds good. But now I’m getting flashbacks to the pan-fried semen thread. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2017, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/69 "2017-04-27T04:09:08Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > So a bisexual man is likely to meet more women who are attracted to men than men who are attracted to men. Unless you’re a bar person. You go into a straight bar, and what’s the percentage of available men vs. available women? Probably a lot fewer than 50% of the people are available women. But you go into a gay (male) bar, and 100% of the people are men who are attracted to men. And even outside of bars, there are many types of places that provide opportunities for gay men to meet other gay men. So we tend to congregate in places where the odds are better. It’s not entirely random. > [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Pan-fried ice cream enchilada. Sounds good. But now I’m getting flashbacks to the pan-fried semen thread. I was trying very hard not to go there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2017, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/70 "2017-04-27T05:03:34Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > But you go into a gay (male) bar, and 100% of the people are men who are attracted to men. Only an anecdote to share, and I suspect that, in most cases, that number is close enough to 100% to be 100%. 🙂 When I was in college at the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the '80s, there were several of us (straight boys and girls) who would go to a gay dance club, because it happened to also be the best dance club in the city. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2017, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/71 "2017-04-27T10:16:18Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > When I was in college at the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the '80s, there were several of us (straight boys and girls) who would go to a gay dance club, because it happened to also be the best dance club in the city. And who did you go home with? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2017, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/72 "2017-04-28T05:24:15Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > When I was in college at the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the '80s, there were several of us (straight boys and girls) who would go to a gay dance club, because it happened to also be the best dance club in the city. In Dublin, straight boys and girls both go to the main gay bars. And I’ve heard straight boys say they’re actually a good place to pick up girls. Because there’s less competition there, and being chill enough to go to a gay bar as a straight boy automatically makes you more attractive. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2017, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169/73 "2017-04-28T06:09:30Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And who did you go home with? 😉 The same woman with whom I arrived there. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-mostly-bisexual-mean-to-you/785169.md?page=3)