# What does the bisexual community want us to know? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 30, 2014, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918 "2014-03-30T17:46:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/41 "2014-03-31T16:08:02Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Are bisexuals reasonably accepted into society or do they have problems, do you think? > > If they do have problems, do you have any thoughts about what to do about it? What can we do about any lingering bigotry? Be kind and educate. You want a PSA campaign? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/42 "2014-03-31T17:12:28Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Comparing a preference for blondes over brunettes to something as deeply felt as gender preference seems overly simplistic and reminds me of the college-years idealism about an enlightened communist utopian vision where we all surrender our individualism and become some sort of floating brains who fall in love based on the beauty of our pure thoughts. It’s fun to contemplate, but falls flat, quickly and abruptly, when put to the test under real-life conditions. That’s pretty much exactly the metaphor I’ve been using to describe my own sexual attraction for as long as I’ve been aware that I’m not heterosexual. As for what the “bisexual community wants,” well, we’d generally prefer not to have our experiences dismissed as naive, dorm-room bullshit. But I suspect you already knew that. ---
**Author:** ![Jane\_Elliot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jane_elliot/32/6166_2.png) [@Jane\_Elliot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jane_Elliot)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/43 "2014-03-31T17:51:19Z")
What _this_ bisexual wants and needs: 1. That society accepts that my relationships, regardless of the genders involved, are just as rich, varied, and important as any other. 2. Shoes with more arch support. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/44 "2014-03-31T20:44:27Z")
Well, I’m sorry for hurting people’s feelings. It just seems the bisexual community isn’t as happy as society at large, and I wonder what has to change to make them happier and more fulfilled. Does the bisexual community need more community? Gays, for the most part, form romantic and sexual relationships with other gays. Should bisexuals stick mainly with other bisexuals, or would they rather everyone turn bisexual and get over their hangups? Gays don’t expect straights to get over it and turn gay. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/45 "2014-03-31T20:50:22Z")
In college they said sexual preference is like a number line where say 1 to 10, 1 being straight - 10 being gay, most people fall somewhere on that line and sometimes people jump around some in life. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/46 "2014-03-31T21:10:38Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > And friedo is right, there are a LOT of gay people who don’t believe that it’s possible to be bisexual. I have heard the same thing from gay people. I suspect that for a lot of gay people, they go thru a phase where they think of themselves as bisexual because it is less frightening, or an alteration to their self-image, than coming all the way out. Then they make it all the way out of the closet and assume that every other bisexual is going thru the same process. I wonder if part of the rest of it is due to reaction against the idea that someone can cease to be gay. In order to deny that anyone can ever stop being gay, it seems sometimes necessary to say that gay/straight is a binary set of values and there is no turning back. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Crawlspace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Crawlspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crawlspace)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/47 "2014-04-01T03:08:34Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > It just seems the bisexual community isn’t as happy as society at large, and I wonder what has to change to make them happier and more fulfilled. Does the bisexual community need more community? The LGBT community as a whole isn’t as happy as society at large. Depression, alcoholism and drug addiction are all higher within community. Does the gay community need more community? > [@levdrakon](#): > > Should bisexuals stick mainly with other bisexuals, or would they rather everyone turn bisexual and get over their hangups? Gays don’t expect straights to get over it and turn gay. I’ve never heard a bisexual state they expect everyone to turn bisexual. Why is it you’ve made this analogy twice? > [@drewtwo99](#): > > Bisexuals get upset when people question whether they really exist, and it’s very tiring to hear it. What’s tiring? You’re wording is ambiguous. ---
**Author:** ![BleizDu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@BleizDu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BleizDu)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/48 "2014-04-01T07:43:20Z")
Dug out from my bookmarks, about bisexuals health and such: > **[Snippet #4: The bisexual invisibility report](https://radicalbi.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/snippet-4-the-bisexual-invisibility-report/)** > > This is a excerpt from my book Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution. If you like this text, please consider buying a copy. Okay, so I know I haven’t posted anything of my own in a while, so I … > [@](#): > > Published in March 2011, the Bisexual Invisibility report (perhaps more aptly called “the bisexual erasure report” or the “monosexism report”\*) is the first report about bisexuality to have been released by a government body in the US. > [@](#): > > Bisexuals report higher rates of hypertension, poor or fair physical health, smoking, and risky drinking than heterosexuals or lesbians/gays. > [@](#): > > Bisexual women in relationships with monosexual partners have an increased rate of domestic violence compared to women in other demographic categories. > [@](#): > > They’ve found that whereas “\*n nonurban areas, lesbians and bisexual women experience similar levels of frequent mental distress, the odds of frequent mental distress decrease significantly for lesbians in urban areas, while [becoming] nearly double for bisexual women” (emphasis in original). The researchers theorize that the reason for this is that gay and lesbian communities are more well-organized in urban areas, contributing to the isolation of bisexual people who experience rejection while seeking support, once outside of their home communities. There’s more at the link, including the link to a pdf of the report. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/49 "2014-04-01T08:06:00Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Just so I understand the terminology in use, how is that different from bisexual? Most people, including bisexuals, don’t just have a gender preference, but also other preferences, like height, weight, hair color, age, ethnicity, etc. My partner has no preferences like that. He’s attracted to people’s personalities or spiritual qualities. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/50 "2014-04-01T16:50:57Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Most people, including bisexuals, don’t just have a gender preference, but also other preferences, like height, weight, hair color, age, ethnicity, etc. My partner has no preferences like that. He’s attracted to people’s personalities or spiritual qualities. But does he still have preferences for living human beings over corpses, or department store manniquins, or sheep, or toasters? Speaking as a heterosexual, and making the best attempt at introspection and self-understanding that I can: while the characteristics you mention may have some effect on how attracted I might be to a particular woman, it’s inaccurate to use the same word “preference” for the fact that I’m attracted to women and not to men. With women, their “femaleness” **is** , in a certain very real sense, what I am attracted to (sexually and/or romantically). It’s something that men just don’t have, any more than dogs and cats and lampposts do. And this makes me wonder about bisexuals: are they attracted to _both_ the femaleness in women and to the maleness in men? Or are they attracted to neither, deaf to that sort of appeal, and only respond to the nonsexual characteristics of people? Or something else? ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/51 "2014-04-01T17:17:46Z")
> [@Crawlspace](#): > > The LGBT community as a whole isn’t as happy as society at large. Depression, alcoholism and drug addiction are all higher within community. Does the gay community need more community? It’s getting better, and it’s better than for bisexuals. What’s worse for bi’s than gays? Even straights suffer from higher rates of depression, alcoholism and suicide than we’d like, but we’re working on identifying the reasons and figuring out ways to make everyone happier. Theoretically at least. > [@](#): > > I’ve never heard a bisexual state they expect everyone to turn bisexual. Why is it you’ve made this analogy twice? It’s just a WAG. Why are bisexuals lagging behind the progress gays have made? You tell me. I hear complaints they want acceptance. I’m not seeing a special lack of acceptance that explains their lagging behind gay progress. Maybe they’re just unhappy that non-bi’s don’t want to have sex with them or fall in love and marry them. I see that as their problem. Gays are perfectly happy marrying other gays. Why aren’t bi’s happy marrying other bi’s? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/52 "2014-04-01T17:54:54Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I hear complaints they want acceptance. I’m not seeing a special lack of acceptance that explains their lagging behind gay progress. Maybe they’re just unhappy that non-bi’s don’t want to have sex with them or fall in love and marry them. I see that as their problem. Gays are perfectly happy marrying other gays. Why aren’t bi’s happy marrying other bi’s? What, precisely, is your objection to bisexuals being in relationships with non-bisexuals? ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/53 "2014-04-01T18:03:26Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > What, precisely, is your objection to bisexuals being in relationships with non-bisexuals? I’m not bisexual and I don’t want to be with someone who needs boobs when all I’ve got is a cock. What, precisely, is your objection to my needing that in a partner? I’m not a blind ominsexual floating brain, and neither are most other people. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/54 "2014-04-01T18:05:33Z")
Man what the heck, it’s not this hard. It’s not about “gays are perfectly happy marrying other gays” - gay folks are perfectly happy marrying someone they are in love with. It just so happens that for this to happen both must have a desire for the same gender. Bisexuals desire men and women. Depending on who they meet and fall in love with, they may marry a man or a woman. The man or woman they marry could be gay, or straight, or bisexual, it doesn’t really matter as long as they love them back. There’s no reason for bisexuals to limit themselves to other bisexuals because a bisexual man can be perfectly happy and in love for the rest of his life with a straight woman because that is who he fell in love with and who fell in love with him back. In this case, he will appear a completely normal guy to everyone else unless he tells them. That certainly doesn’t help with the visibility of bisexual people. Anyway, it’s about who you desire and fall in love with. It’s not “I love gay people” or “I love bisexual people”. It’s “I love you” (you being their preferred gender). It’s no wonder they feel marginalized when a swath of the human populace pretends they don’t exist and worse, completely have no idea who they are. Try to get any acceptance or rights pulled through society when people will look you straight in the eye and say “You don’t exist. You’re a lie.” and another huge chunk will say, “Aren’t you just sex-crazed perverts who can’t stay in a steady relationship? Why should I care about a lowlife like you?” I mean, we don’t have to think twice about why women have a greater chance of eating disorders - obviously society is giving them bad and wrong messages about their bodies. Same thing. Society is full of bad and wrong messages about the very existence of bisexual people, so of course they’re going to struggle as a group against that. What do they want? To be seen as normal people (not as deviants, or devils, or perverts, or flakes, or liars, etc etc etc), and to be free to love who they love (for some that means being able to marry the same gender). That’s it! ---
**Author:** ![delsina363](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@delsina363](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delsina363)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/55 "2014-04-01T18:05:33Z")
Speaking for the ladies… I have never, ever heard of bisexuals complaining about anything. This is crazy talk. To me, and others, it just mean you are attracted to both sexes. I, for one, do not like the word “bisexual”, as being attracted to the same gender does not have to be about “sex”. But that is the word always used to describe people who are attracted to both males and females. The only reason one would complain is if they are in a same sex relationship, and are being treated different than if they were in a straight relationship. One World, One Love, as Mackelmore would say. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/56 "2014-04-01T18:23:41Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I’m not bisexual and I don’t want to be with someone who needs boobs when all I’ve got is a cock. > > What, precisely, is your objection to my needing that in a partner? I’m not a blind ominsexual floating brain, and neither are most other people. A bisexual woman doesn’t “need boobs.” Anymore than you “need” to be with everyone who can find sexually attractive. A bisexual woman can be attracted to both men and women. If she wants to be with you, in a marriage for example, she’s saying she’s committed to being just with you and is okay forsaking “boobs.” (absent an agreement between you to the contrary) ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/57 "2014-04-01T18:36:24Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I’m not bisexual and I don’t want to be with someone who needs boobs when all I’ve got is a cock. > > What, precisely, is your objection to my needing that in a partner? I’m not a blind ominsexual floating brain, and neither are most other people. Being attracted to a wider variety of options does not mean that not having all those options available in one person mean they’re unacceptable or less than satisfactory in some way. If that were so, bisexuals like me would _never_ be happy with one partner; this is manifestly not the case. It’s not “I must have everything!”. If it were, you’d never be able to find a partner, given they would be attracted to people who are different in some way from you. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/58 "2014-04-01T19:35:06Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I’m not bisexual and I don’t want to be with someone who needs boobs when all I’ve got is a cock. I didn’t ask why _you_ don’t date bisexuals. > [@](#): > > What, precisely, is your objection to my needing that in a partner? I’m not a blind ominsexual floating brain, and neither are most other people. Speaking as a bisexual, I support you 100% in your refusal to date bisexuals, and would like to thank you on behalf of the community for staying away from us. ---
**Author:** ![F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.Pu-du-he-pa-as)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/59 "2014-04-01T19:42:20Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I’m not bisexual and I don’t want to be with someone who needs boobs when all I’ve got is a cock. Being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean that I _need_ romance or sex with both a man or a woman, just that I would be happy with _either_ a man or a woman. I don’t really see where all the insecurity comes from, except through ignorance-- I mean, a bi woman could leave you for a man or a woman, but a straight woman could always leave you for another man, so… ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918/60 "2014-04-01T19:45:01Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I didn’t ask why _you_ don’t date bisexuals. > > Speaking as a bisexual, I support you 100% in your refusal to date bisexuals, and would like to thank you on behalf of the community for staying away from us. At least he thinks he stays away from us. I dated lots of guys for short periods of time who I never discussed my sexuality with in that much depth. If he dated much at all before getting married he has probably dated at least one bisexual woman and not known it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-the-bisexual-community-want-us-to-know/684918.md?page=4)