# What does this really mean? Really? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 29, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295 "2000-07-29T02:17:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![HomeSlice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/9d8465/32.png) [@HomeSlice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HomeSlice)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295/21 "2000-07-30T16:57:30Z")
She really seems like she wants to be friends with me, we email each other a couple times a day and chat on ICQ almost every night (I moved about a year ago, 2 hours away, but we’re going to Clemson together). ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295/22 "2000-07-31T04:36:52Z")
Hey Homeslice, I think you’ll really find out how she thinks of you when you get to college together. I hope it won’t hurt you too much. > [@](#): > > \*\* > then writing me letters about how happy i made you feel and how you were always laughing when you were dating me, then telling me that you don’t want to loose my friendship \*\* She is probably telling you these things because you feel “safe” to her. God knows this has happened to me. Save yourself some anguish and try to accept that she just probably isn’t going to happen for you. It will be painful at first, but will be best in the long run. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295/23 "2000-07-31T04:59:07Z")
Just friends? HA! What a fucking load of shit that is. When a girl says that to me, I always say, “No thanks. If we can’t be lovers then we can’t be friends. Besides, I’ve got enough friends already.” No way am I going to hang out with a person who just dumped me, especially since they usually only say it to placate their guilty conscience. Am I an asshole? Absolutely. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295/24 "2000-07-31T05:46:02Z")
homeslice; take this from a man who has “been there, done that, AND has a whole drawer of the fucking T-shirts”: drop her like flaming dog shit. Listen to unca wolfie on this one, lad- YOU DO NOT WANT TO LOOK BACK ON YOUR FIRST SEX WITH REGRETS, all your freaking life. ---
**Author:** ![Byzantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295/25 "2000-07-31T09:14:23Z")
I am really sickened by some things here. I can’t honestly believe that EVERY man feels this way about his virginity. Like it’s a horrible hat you can’t wait to take off. Surely, there are male posters here to whom this event was/will be very special. And Dan? Are you coming from a place of regret or what? I’m not sure… ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295/26 "2000-07-31T13:46:42Z")
JBirdman is not being an asshole. You cannot be dumped by somebody, or dump them, and just have an ordinary friendship. That’s bullshit. 99% of the time you have a friend, there’s a reason for it - either they’re a proximate friend (someone you work with, go to school with, etc.) or a real friend. An ex is usually neither. Hence, no friendship. When you break up with someone, get rid of them. I applaud the 1% exceptions. I went through this with a legitimately sociopathic slut (no kidding - she’s on medication now to keep her head straight) and damned if now my BEST FRIEND, who watched me make one dumbass mistake after another, isn’t doing the same thing. He’s banging a slut who’s married and who claims her marriage is loveless, I love you, kissy kissy, the whole nine yards. Yet she won’t leave her husband. She has claimed to want to break up with him a hundred times and bawls on the phone with him about her husband _three to five times a DAY_ for 6-8 months now. Then she tries every now and then to break up with my buddy, but bawls some more. It’s unfuckingbelievable. Here is a partial list of the reasons she’s given him why she hasn’t left her husband yet, who she allegedly has never loved: - She didn’t want to ruin her husband’s vacation. - He was thinking of retiring (he’s 40 but rich) and she didn’t want to ruin his retirement. - She was going to be home for awhile and didn’t want to tell him and then be around him long. - She WASN’T going to be home for awhile and didn’t want to tell him and then NOT be around. (Really.) - She “just wasn’t ready.” - She’s worried about financials, although she’d come away with millions, being independently wealthy and in a no-fault state. - She wants to go home to the Olympics and is worried a divorce would interfere with this. (She’s from down under.) So recently my buddy finally started suggesting to her that he might at least call for a pause in their “relationship,” and you know what she did? She told him she’d pay for his car loan and his rent - not EXACTLY saying she was paying for sex, but it sure sounds like it. HOLY FUCK. I’ve tried to talk to my buddy about what a whore she is without actually saying she’s a whore, but everything bounces off his fucking forehead. I’m going to have to come out and say it, I guess. Here’s the truth: If you lie with dogs, you will rise with fleas. If someone is jerking you around, never speak to them again. If someone’s cheating on someone else with you, never speak to them again. If they’re cheating on you, never speak to them again. If they dump you for some idiot reason and then ask for you back, never speak to them again. You want someone who’s open, honest, and not fucked in the head. Find people who are single. Date them. If it works out, great. If not, get rid of them and move on. My congratulations to anyone who’s experienced these things and salvaged a real relationship, but I have watched dozens, scores, maybe hundreds of people fuck around with this shit and it’s never worked out. Homeslice, you would be well served by getting rid of this woman forever. Change your phone number if you have to. It hurts at first. After awhile you’ll wonder why you ever liked her. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295/27 "2000-07-31T15:28:35Z")
> [@](#): > > Surely, there are male posters here to whom this event was/will be very special. Yep, was then, still is. It’s one of my best memories. I pity those of you that do not remember your first sex fondly. Errr … that’s _fondly_, you assholes, not _fondling_. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295/28 "2000-07-31T19:45:03Z")
Byz- I don’t see my virginity as some horrible burden I’m waiting to get rid of. I mean, if I were that desperate to get laid, it would’ve happened a loooooong time ago. I’ve never asked a woman out, nor do I plan to. If it’s gonna happen it’s gonna happen on it’s own. Besides, I’m nineteen, why should I rush? And if losing my virginity is gonna be special, it’ll be because of the woman involved, not the event itself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-this-really-mean-really/27295.md?page=1)