# what does your computer say to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866 "2003-03-12T16:59:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/1 "2003-03-12T16:59:19Z")
I’d like to know what sounds you dopers have for “events” on your computers. Due to the plethora of events, I’ll limit this to the following, and include mine: 1 - default sound - “d’oh!” good 'ole Homer J 2 - Exclamation - “warning! warning” robot from _Lost in Space_ 3 - Question - “try again, dumbass!” Mr. Garrison from _South Park_ 4 - Start Up - " It’s alive…" Gene Wilder from _Young Frankenstein_ 5 - Shut Down - some little quote by Peter Lorre about a trapdoor 6 - New Mail - “Houston, we have a problem” Apollo 13 (the REAL one) How 'bout y’all? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/2 "2003-03-12T17:05:53Z")
That nifty. How do you set that kind of thing up? ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/3 "2003-03-12T17:16:18Z")
Well, in my Jurassic NT 4, go to Start / Settings / Control Panel, then dbl click on the Sounds Icon. You can change the sounds from there…but - you need to GET the sounds first, and put them into the windows/media file (I think) ---
**Author:** ![Ego\_Mk2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Ego\_Mk2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ego_Mk2)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/4 "2003-03-12T17:20:15Z")
Mine says “Prepare to experience seething uncontrollable rage!” and then drops a blue screen of death. ---
**Author:** ![Ego\_Mk2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Ego\_Mk2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ego_Mk2)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/5 "2003-03-12T17:24:08Z")
Actually, I hate for my computer to make any noise at all (unless I’m playing a game or watching TV on it) so I de-listed all the sounds it makes, except for the Question noise. I used to put all sorts of sounds on it, Eric Cartman and Dexter sounds were my favorite. Then it just lost its novelty. My email program makes a cool matrixy sound that I found a long time ago, but it only checks mail when I want it to. Otherwise I’d get sick of that sound too. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/6 "2003-03-12T17:33:35Z")
Well, my Linux box runs the fortune program whenever I run a new bash prompt, so it’s liable to say damn near anything to me. And once I installed the `off’ fortunes, its repertoire became much more amusing. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/7 "2003-03-12T18:05:25Z")
Start Up – SKREEEEEONNNKKKK!!! (_i.e._, Godzilla roaring) Shut Down – “This is it, George. Steve Martin, signing off from Tokyo, Japan” (words spoken by Raymond Burr’s character just before Godzilla trashes the building he is staying in). 😉 Barry ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/8 "2003-03-12T18:20:20Z")
Start-up - still deciding. Error - “Whatevah! I do what I want!” _Cartman_ Empty Recycled Bin - “DELETED!” _Strong Bad_ New Email - “Ohhhh…Electronic MAIL!” _Strong Bad_ Shut-down - “It’s about time! Why don’t you go outside or something?..nerd!” _Strong Bad_ I like Strong Bad. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/9 "2003-03-12T19:18:01Z")
Call me boring, but I just like to use simple beeps, bells or some other short sounds that indicate what is happening. I’ve tried setting my computer to play movie/TV quotes and the like, but they tend to get old and tiresome rather quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/10 "2003-03-12T19:24:47Z")
I’m with **dwc1970**. All putting quotes on my computer does is make me soon want to never hear that quote again. ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/11 "2003-03-12T19:54:16Z")
Critical Stop - “That sort of thing’s not my bag, baby” Austin Powers Exclamation - “Ha ha” - Nelson Munz Exit Windows - “All done. If you survive, please come again” - Apu Program Error - “D’oh” - if you have to ask, you shouldn’t be here Start Windows - “Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie” -Donny from Just Shoot Me (I know, it doesn’t really fit. I just think it’s funny) I used to have a lot of others, but like dwc1970 and Giraffe said, they got tiresome. These sounds are rare enough that they don’t seem to annoy me. ---
**Author:** ![coyasicanbe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bcef8e/32.png) [@coyasicanbe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coyasicanbe)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/12 "2003-03-12T20:10:31Z")
I’m with Ego; I don’t want my computer to speak unless it’s spoken to, and when I want its opinion, I’ll beat it out of it (there were alot of "it"s in that sentence). Anyhoo, I like my computer to be quiet so I can hear what’s playing on my Itunes. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/13 "2003-03-12T20:23:03Z")
I only have 3 customized sounds: Exclamation: “D’oh!” Startup: “This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message. I’ll get back to you.” (tone) Shutdown: “Goodnight, Mr. Walters!” “Uunnnnnhhhh.” Those last two I downloaded from [www.tvland.com](http://www.tvland.com) ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/14 "2003-03-12T20:44:59Z")
Start-up: “Good morning, Dr. Chandra, this is HAL. I am ready for my first lesson.” HAL9000 from _2010_ Shut-down: “Thank you for coming; I’ll see you in hell! (gunshot)” Apu from one Simpsons where there was a crime spree Everything else got annoying. Luckily I couldn’t find a sound that said, “Ow! Not so hard!” for the exclamation event. ---
**Author:** ![SmackFu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@SmackFu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmackFu)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/15 "2003-03-13T00:09:33Z")
Instant Message: “Hello, Children”, Chef from South Park Exclamation/Crash: “You unbelievable bastard.”, Val Kilmer from Real Genius (used to be “D’oheth” from the Simpsons, which I quite liked) New Mail: “You’ve got Mail” from AOL, but I don’t have AOL, so it’s postmodern irony or something. ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/16 "2003-03-13T00:26:34Z")
I perfer dings, clicking, beeping sounds. Admittedly, I about a dozen _different_ dings, clicks and beeps, but it’s mostly done to reassure me that the computer is responding to commands. Running SimCity 4: “Argghhh! Help! Sod this, I’m outta here!” [Little gerbil exits treadmill in computer and heads stage left] ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/17 "2003-03-13T00:32:13Z")
Mail: [http://www.slonet.org/~rloomis/mail7.wav](http://www.slonet.org/~rloomis/mail7.wav) ---
**Author:** ![Nightsong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nightsong/32/3083_2.png) [@Nightsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightsong)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/18 "2003-03-13T01:18:29Z")
I rotate mine amongst sound clips from Warcraft (I, II, and III) and Starcraft/Broodwars. At the moment, the ‘exclamation’ sound is of the Peasent from Warcraft: “Now whut?” For awhile, my start up sound was: (Han Solo): “Jedi Knight? I’m out of it for a little while and everyone gets delusions of grandeur!” * * * \<\< COFFEE.EXE not found. Insert cup, and hit any key to contiune. \>\> ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/19 "2003-03-13T01:45:44Z")
Start-up Steve Martin singing “I’m picking out a thermos for you” Program error Arnold Swatzewhatever saying “What the f\*ck did I do wrong!” from Total Recall Shutdown “'scuze me while I whip this out” from Balzing Saddles ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866/20 "2003-03-13T01:58:06Z")
Start up:“Hello,computer” (Scotty-Star Trek:The Voyage Home) Shut Down:“Warning,primary power will go offline in 10 seconds.” (Enterprise computer) All other events are silent,I hate vocal 'puters. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-does-your-computer-say-to-you/160866.md?page=2)