# What event officializes a 1 on 1 relationship? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 15, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277 "2008-12-15T19:53:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gwyen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/858c86/32.png) [@Gwyen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gwyen)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/21 "2008-12-16T03:03:58Z")
I am a little disheartened that people feel now that you have to have a conversation to know that you are together. I mean really, how many dates are you people going on? I guess my train of thought on this comes from my small town upbringing., There aren’t that many folks to chose from really and everyone knows your business. If you go on a date with Johnny on Tuesday, and Rob on Friday then you are a whore. You don’t accept a date unless it is someone you want to have a relationship with really. None of that makes any sense does it? ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/22 "2008-12-16T03:11:19Z")
Meeting the parents kind of implies that you are now monogamous, to me anyway. If I take a woman over for Thanksgiving or Easter to my parents house and she accepts the invitation then we are practically engaged. Not really but that means a lot to me and I’m sure most women feel the same way. Hell, I’ve been monogamous since I was eighteen anyway. One woman at a time is more than enough for me. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/23 "2008-12-16T03:30:22Z")
> [@Gwyen](#): > > I am a little disheartened that people feel now that you have to have a conversation to know that you are together. I mean really, how many dates are you people going on? I guess my train of thought on this comes from my small town upbringing., There aren’t that many folks to chose from really and everyone knows your business. If you go on a date with Johnny on Tuesday, and Rob on Friday then you are a whore. You don’t accept a date unless it is someone you want to have a relationship with really. > > None of that makes any sense does it? It does to me. I grew up in a very small town and I don’t understand dating that is not monagomus even as soon as the first serious date. I would never want to date a female that is entertaining all offers as they come. I understand perfectly and that has been one of my many unresolved life questions as to why someone would think otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/24 "2008-12-16T03:48:14Z")
> [@Gwyen](#): > > I am a little disheartened that people feel now that you have to have a conversation to know that you are together. I mean really, how many dates are you people going on? I guess my train of thought on this comes from my small town upbringing., There aren’t that many folks to chose from really and everyone knows your business. If you go on a date with Johnny on Tuesday, and Rob on Friday then you are a whore. You don’t accept a date unless it is someone you want to have a relationship with really. If people think you’re a whore for going on dates with two different guys in a week, that says much more about them than it does about you. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/25 "2008-12-16T04:00:13Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > If people think you’re a whore for going on dates with two different guys in a week, that says much more about them than it does about you. No, I know exactly what she is talking about and I have wondered about it myself many times. There is no problem with being with two different people in the same week but monogamy implies that there is some level of sexual involvement. If someone has two partners in the same week, that is dangerously close to a crack-whore situation in my mind and I don’t understand how anyone could tolerate that situation. I know that others may disagree but **Gwyen** and I see the same thing. I have never understood casual dating even in TV shows from the 1950’s. If you want a serious relationship, you can just switch off when the last one didn’t work out. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/26 "2008-12-16T04:57:07Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > No, I know exactly what she is talking about and I have wondered about it myself many times. There is no problem with being with two different people in the same week but monogamy implies that there is some level of sexual involvement. **If someone has two partners in the same week, that is dangerously close to a crack-whore situation in my mind** and I don’t understand how anyone could tolerate that situation. I know that others may disagree but Gwyen and I see the same thing. I have never understood casual dating even in TV shows from the 1950’s. Bolding mine. That is some serious insanity right there. I mean, i’m talking levels of delusion requiring medication. You are on a planet completely separated from reality. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/27 "2008-12-16T07:39:41Z")
I wonder if this is a US versus Europe thing… IME, if two people are dating/going out with each other, then they’re pretty much an exclusive couple and to date someone else would not be done… The idea of dating multiple people at the same time is practically alien I think in the UK/Europe – you ask someone on a date, the idea is that its a monogamous thing. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/28 "2008-12-16T08:06:19Z")
The referee holding up the winner’s hand. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/29 "2008-12-16T11:20:42Z")
> [@petew83](#): > > Ok so this managed to fill my laughter quota for the day. > > By 1 on 1 relationship, I mean the kind where the girl calls you her boyfriend and vice versa. Sadly, calling each other bf/gf does not indicate a 1 on 1 relationship. I made the mistake to think that bf/gf plus “I want you to be the mother of my children” did: it didn’t, not every time. I’ve never gone on dates with several people at the same time. If I’m dating someone, I date only him. And to me “dating” doesn’t always involve “bedding.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/30 "2008-12-16T11:27:10Z")
Too late: the bf on the 1-to-many case reckoned that “the other ones” didn’t count because he wasn’t dating them, he was just shagging them. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/31 "2008-12-16T11:51:39Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Too late: > > the bf on the 1-to-many case reckoned that “the other ones” didn’t count because he wasn’t dating them, he was just shagging them. Men, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/32 "2008-12-16T12:05:31Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Men, eh? **and** women. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/33 "2008-12-16T15:53:02Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > I wonder if this is a US versus Europe thing… IME, if two people are dating/going out with each other, then they’re pretty much an exclusive couple and to date someone else would not be done… The idea of dating multiple people at the same time is practically alien I think in the UK/Europe – you ask someone on a date, the idea is that its a monogamous thing. What she said. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/34 "2008-12-16T15:54:32Z")
Though I think that \*\*Giraffes \*\* idea has a lot of merit. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/35 "2008-12-16T15:57:37Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Though I think that \*\*Giraffes \*\* idea has a lot of merit. Oh! So that’s what they call it? ---
**Author:** ![Atomicflea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Atomicflea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomicflea)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/36 "2008-12-16T16:23:11Z")
I usually have the conversation before any sexification. I’m not down with non-monogamous sex. If I’m casually seeing someone, I don’t sleep with them. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/37 "2008-12-16T17:00:02Z")
> [@Gwyen](#): > > I am a little disheartened that people feel now that you have to have a conversation to know that you are together… Well, it’s either that or hurt somebody’s feelings, and I don’t like doing that. > [@Shagnasty](#): > > If someone has two partners in the same week, that… …probably means they had an awesome week! ETA: > [@Angua](#): > > I wonder if this is a US versus Europe thing… IME, if two people are dating/going out with each other, then they’re pretty much an exclusive couple and to date someone else would not be done… The idea of dating multiple people at the same time is practically alien I think in the UK/Europe – you ask someone on a date, the idea is that its a monogamous thing. What do people in the UK do if they want to go out, have a few drinks, go home to have sex, and part ways in the morning? It’s not so much that I’m _dating_ multiple people, it’s more that I’m _seeing_ multiple people. Which is why the conversation needs to take place, so everybody is on the same page. I really can’t imagine there aren’t quite a lot of people in Europe out having casual sex. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/38 "2008-12-16T17:35:12Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > What do people in the UK do if they want to go out, have a few drinks, go home to have sex, and part ways in the morning? It’s not so much that I’m _dating_ multiple people, it’s more that I’m _seeing_ multiple people. Which is why the conversation needs to take place, so everybody is on the same page. I really can’t imagine there aren’t quite a lot of people in Europe out having casual sex. They do just that. One night stands happen certainly, and well you just don’t give the other person your contact details or whatever, but _dating_ tends, IME, to be monogamous. And whilst I’ve had longer term relationships come out of what I thought was just going to be one night of sex, most of my relationships (and those of my friends) have started from talking and getting to know the person on a more casual basis first, before letting things progress if the chemistry is there. And well, when its blatantly obvious that the chemistry _is_ there, the getting to know you phase can be brief. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/39 "2008-12-16T18:30:05Z")
G’morning! In my reality the words ‘casual’ and ‘sex’ put together constitute a dichotomy. We’ve had eight children and our youngest daughter, who has one more year to go at university to acquire her teaching degree (she’s twenty, but was homeschooled and so started her BA early), became formally engaged a couple of weeks ago and she and her fiancé are marrying on May 1st. They’ve been seeing each other for over a year and **have not** been intimate sexually. We raised all of our children to behave decently and to view making love as sacred, which I believe it is. I remember when I was seventeen I thought I was the only virgin in London, England, where I was working at the time. I wasn’t raised in a ‘religious’ household and my parents taught me nothing about sex. I’ve always felt it’s innately wrong to be ‘Casual’ about joining one’s body to someone else’s. I used to have to stipulate, when going out on dates, that I was _not_ dessert - and that was nearly forty years ago! Abortions, STD’s, broken hearts, and a host of other problems wouldn’t exist if we viewed making love as a sacred act meant to take place between married couples only. Sex for the sake of it sounds empty to me, while making love with one’s _only_ partner has a spiritual aspect to it, which makes the experience… more intense and profound than mere words can articulate. BTW, when I was dating, in Britain, Europe, or the Americas, I did expect the person I was seeing to be seeing only me - and vice versa. When someone asks a person out on a date in Scotland (where I’m from) or any other place in Europe, it’s taken as a given that they wish to _see_ you - not schedule you in for a quickie. Dating is seen as a serious attempt at getting to know another person with a view to marriage if it works out well. I had many ‘boy’ and ‘men’ friends, none of whom I dated, but all of whom I spent quality time with in some pursuit or other _as_ friends. People who wait 'til they’re married to make love rarely divorce. Just a li’l bit of trivia that might be illuminating. Shalom Aleikhem - Jesse. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/40 "2008-12-16T18:47:07Z")
It was 1 on 1 for me when I cancelled the rest of my scheduled bootie calls\*, and told told the FWB crowd\* we were back to being friends. Plurals added here to artificially inflate my bachelor days. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277.md?page=3)