# What event officializes a 1 on 1 relationship? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 15, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277 "2008-12-15T19:53:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/41 "2008-12-16T18:54:50Z")
> [@Jesse\_Leigh](#): > > Abortions, STD’s, broken hearts, and a host of other problems wouldn’t exist if we viewed making love as a sacred act meant to take place between married couples only. Because those things never happen within the bonds of holy matrimony, right? I’ve managed to have sex with a lot of people and have yet to have a single abortion. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/42 "2008-12-16T18:56:36Z")
One year before the day she first ask you, “What did you git me for our anniversary?”. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/43 "2008-12-16T19:00:48Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Because those things never happen within the bonds of holy matrimony, right? I’ve managed to have sex with a lot of people and have yet to have a single abortion. 😉 Me too! It’s amazing that I have managed to be sexually active for the last 8 1/2 years without getting an abortion or an STD since these things are _obviously_ the way god punishes those of us who refuse to “behave decently” and don’t choose to wait for holy matrimony.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/44 "2008-12-16T19:01:38Z")
> [@Jesse\_Leigh](#): > > \ > People who wait 'til they’re married to make love rarely divorce. Just a li’l bit of trivia that might be illuminating. Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/45 "2008-12-16T19:02:44Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Me too! It’s amazing that I have managed to be sexually active for the last 8 1/2 years without getting an abortion or an STD since these things are _obviously_ the way god punishes those of us who refuse to “behave decently” and don’t choose to wait for holy matrimony.:rolleyes: Quite. But then I’m going to hell for a variety of reasons so if you’re going to cast out it might as well be for having a good time rather than failing to show up for church regularly, don’t you think? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/46 "2008-12-16T19:21:57Z")
> [@Jesse\_Leigh](#): > > Abortions, STD’s, broken hearts, and a host of other problems wouldn’t exist if we viewed making love as a sacred act meant to take place between married couples only. Gee, wish someone had told me that before I gave up my virginity so frivolously and embarked on a life of sin. :dubious: Let’s not kid ourselves here. Hearts can be broken even if hymens remain intact, abortions sometimes happen in loving marriages, STDs can be passed on even in the most faithful of unions, and sometimes marriages fall apart for reasons that have nothing to do with sex (regardless of who was a virgin on their wedding night and who wasn’t). Your glib assertion that this isn’t possible is awfully disrespectful of anyone who’s ever been in any of those situations. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/47 "2008-12-16T19:24:19Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Because those things never happen within the bonds of holy matrimony, right? I’ve managed to have sex with a lot of people and have yet to have a single abortion. 😉 G’morning! Not within the bonds of **‘Holy matrimony,’** no. There are, of course, those who view marriage and abortion as casually as they view sex - sadly. - Jesse. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/48 "2008-12-16T19:34:54Z")
> [@Mahna\_Mahna](#): > > Gee, wish someone had told me that before I gave up my virginity so frivolously and embarked on a life of sin. :dubious: > > Let’s not kid ourselves here. Hearts can be broken even if hymens remain intact, abortions sometimes happen in loving marriages, STDs can be passed on even in the most faithful of unions, and sometimes marriages fall apart for reasons that have nothing to do with sex (regardless of who was a virgin on their wedding night and who wasn’t). > > Your glib assertion that this isn’t possible is awfully disrespectful of anyone who’s ever been in any of those situations. G’morning! First, my sincere aplogies to anyone to whom my comments appeared as ‘Glib,’ they’re certainly not intended that way. I was responding to the questions asked about casual sex and dating in Britain and Europe since I come from there. My understanding is that this thread has everything to do with sex, faithful unions (or not) and the moral issues surrounding the subject. My observations are just that and no one here answers to me. Still, if I have hurt anyone’s feelings here, for that I’m truly sorry. I did not, however, say that heartache and divorce aren’t possible within marriages, clearly they are, but STD’s and elective abortions shouldn’t be an issue. - Jesse. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/49 "2008-12-16T19:35:34Z")
After reading this thread, I changed my Facebook status to “In a relationship”. We had ‘the talk’ last weekend, and he’ll be meeting my grandmother (Mom in most aspects) for the first time in 10 days. I guess I’m not single anymore. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/50 "2008-12-16T19:37:34Z")
> [@Jesse\_Leigh](#): > > G’morning! > > Not within the bonds of **‘Holy matrimony,’** no. There are, of course, those who view marriage and abortion as casually as they view sex - sadly. - Jesse. Ah, the standard fallback of arguments like this: the “no true Scotsman” position. Refreshing to see it trotted out again. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/51 "2008-12-16T19:38:11Z")
facebook status ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/52 "2008-12-16T19:47:04Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > Ah, the standard fallback of arguments like this: the “no true Scotsman” position. Refreshing to see it trotted out again. ??? Mhendo, I’m unfamiliar with this phrase. Care to educate me? TIA - Jesse. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/53 "2008-12-16T19:55:09Z")
> [@Jesse\_Leigh](#): > > ??? > > Mhendo, I’m unfamiliar with this phrase. Care to educate me? TIA - Jesse. ['Cause Google is hard.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_true_Scotsman) ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/54 "2008-12-16T19:57:58Z")
> [@Jesse\_Leigh](#): > > I did not, however, say that heartache and divorce aren’t possible within marriages, clearly they are, but STD’s and elective abortions shouldn’t be an issue. - Jesse. I do know people who’ve had abortions while married; just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can, should, or must carry a child to term to either raise or give up for adoption. Also, herpes simplex virus (HSV-1) of the mouth (often just called “cold sores”) can be picked up from living with an infected parent/family member by kissing, using the same towel, etc. There are uncommon cases where people infected with this version of herpes can accidentally transfer it to their own genitals via rubbing their mouth then touching their genital area, or to a partner via oral sex. Human papilloma virus (HPV, aka “genital warts”, implicated in cervical cancer and potentially in other cancers) can rarely be transmitted from mother to child during childbirth. HIV can pass from an infected mother to her infant during pregnancy, delivery, or breastfeeding, and of course there are the accidental transmissions from blood transfusions and needle sticks. I’m sure there are other infections I’m missing. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/55 "2008-12-16T20:08:06Z")
Thank you, Turek! I appreciate the link. In this case the original quip doesn’t apply as I didn’t change any words, I merely quoted them. Have yourself a spectacular day, I need to go to bed now - I’m two hours late as it is. I write at night and sleep during the day, but just found this forum and… couldn’t help myself! :o G’night - Jesse. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/56 "2008-12-16T20:15:17Z")
> [@Lionne](#): > > After reading this thread, I changed my Facebook status to “In a relationship”. Oh crap. You’re right. In this day and age, the changing of a Facebook status is really the most official acknowledgment of a relationship available (and no, I’m not being glib). Really, _not_ changing one’s status can cause just as much gossip and as many fights as changing it. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/57 "2008-12-16T20:16:08Z")
> [@Jesse\_Leigh](#): > > ??? > > Mhendo, I’m unfamiliar with this phrase. Care to educate me? TIA - Jesse. You can check out **Turek** ’s link, but basically it’s a logical fallacy whereby you automatically exclude from a particular category anyone who fails to fit your preconceived view of what characteristics people in that category should have. So, in your case, you made the argument that “Abortions, STD’s, broken hearts, and a host of other problems wouldn’t exist if we viewed making love as a sacred act meant to take place between married couples only.” Then **Illuminatiprimus** pointed out that such things do, in fact, happen within the bonds of holy matrimony. And then you, in classic “no true Scotsman” style, argued that, in fact, marriages where such things happen are not actually HOLY MATRIMONY. Do you not see why this begs the very question that we’re seeing to answer here? On preview: i see from your most recent post that you failed, rather spectacularly, to understand the “no true Scotsman” fallacy. Not too surprising, i guess, because the sort of reasoning that leads one to engage in the practice in the first place is probably also likely to mitigate against comprehension of what it entails and why it’s problematic. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Leigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@Jesse\_Leigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Leigh)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/58 "2008-12-16T20:19:47Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I do know people who’ve had abortions while married; just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can, should, or must carry a child to term to either raise or give up for adoption. > > Also, herpes simplex virus (HSV-1) of the mouth (often just called “cold sores”) can be picked up from living with an infected parent/family member by kissing, using the same towel, etc. There are uncommon cases where people infected with this version of herpes can accidentally transfer it to their own genitals via rubbing their mouth then touching their genital area, or to a partner via oral sex. Human papilloma virus (HPV, aka “genital warts”, implicated in cervical cancer and potentially in other cancers) can rarely be transmitted from mother to child during childbirth. HIV can pass from an infected mother to her infant during pregnancy, delivery, or breastfeeding, and of course there are the accidental transmissions from blood transfusions and needle sticks. I’m sure there are other infections I’m missing. Ferret, _rare_ occurrences of the forms of HSV-1and HPV etc. aren’t what we’re discussing here. We’re discussing what does and does not constitute moral behavior and when sex is appropriate. My comments were not based on absolutes, but rather were intended to point out that most of the unpleasant outcomes of ‘Casual’ sex, marriage, or abortion could be avoided if we behaved ourselves better. JMHO YMMV. G’night - I write on the night shift and need to sleep. I’ll TTYL - God Willing. - Jesse. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/59 "2008-12-16T20:20:46Z")
> [@Jesse\_Leigh](#): > > \ > People who wait 'til they’re married to make love rarely divorce. Just a li’l bit of trivia that might be illuminating. > [@](#): > > …a 1998 study (10 years old) by Michael et al found only 22% of men and 18% of women age 18 to 24 had abstained from sex before marriage. [link](http://www.psychpage.com/family/mod_couples_thx/divorce.html) Not a particularly strong citation, but you get the idea. Instead of just saying something I think is true, I offer some type of backing to demonstrate that what I’m saying isn’t something I’m just making up out of whole cloth. > [@](#): > > Early initiation of sexual intercourse was associated with various sexual risk factors, including increased numbers of sexual partners and recent sexual intercourse under the influence of alcohol… > [.B]oth early and late initiation were associated with sexual problems such as problems with arousal and orgasm, primarily among men… > Relationship solidity and sexual relationship satisfaction were not associated with early or late initiation. [link](http://www.ajph.org/cgi/content/abstract/98/1/155) It’s difficult to say with certainty how this study deals with “Realtionship Solidity” in terms of marriage, but it would seem to indicate that your “l’il bit of trivia” is BS. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277/60 "2008-12-16T20:53:27Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > On preview: i see from your most recent post that you failed, rather spectacularly, to understand the “no true Scotsman” fallacy. Not too surprising, i guess, because the sort of reasoning that leads one to engage in the practice in the first place is probably also likely to mitigate against comprehension of what it entails and why it’s problematic. Every time I read one of **Jesse Leigh** ’s statements I cringe- my name starts with Jesse Lee… I agree with your comment completely. (S)he does not seem to get it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-event-officializes-a-1-on-1-relationship/477277.md?page=4)