# What ever happened to common civility? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 13, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484 "2005-09-13T20:51:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484/21 "2005-09-15T16:33:18Z")
> [@scr4](#): > > Hmm, which is a more extreme reaction to a minor offense - giving the finger, or starting a Pit thread? That’s certainly a fair question, **scr4** , and one that deserves an answer. I was not commenting that the person’s actions were extreme, rather that they were uncivil. There is a difference between the two. I certainly understand the other driver’s anger - I’ve been known to get a bit steamed when I see people doing stupid things in cars too. I’m not begrudging him the right to his emotions. However, despite this being the pit, I have been extremely civil about the matter. I did not call the other driver names, hurl epithets at him, or even call him uncivilized. I simply lamented the lack of common courtesy, as illustrated by the example. Just because one posts something in the Pit, that doesn’t mean that it’s an extreme reaction. I’ve posted items in the Pit and in each case (feel free to look up my Pit history) I’ve been civil and respectful throughout. Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484/22 "2005-09-15T20:32:55Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#): > > … both the driver of the Ford and I give a quick goose to the accelerator and scoot forward about a foot. > Pedestrian jumps straight into the air like a scared rabbit and zips across the street. > > I turn to look at the other driver just as he turns to look at me… > > and we LAAAAAA-AAAAUGHED! Hee-hee! Assault with a dangerous instrument! Funny! _Don’t_ do that again. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484/23 "2005-09-15T20:44:42Z")
Not that things ever are or were perfect but I think that after folks were “robbed” in a contentious election, attacked on 9/11, have seen respect for their country squandered in an unpopular war, are suffering through the heat of summer, watch their neighbors lose their jobs and pensions and are paying through the nose for gas and, soon, heating oil… well… it just all kinda adds up and they’re not as charitable as we’d like to see. Sorry **Zev** , I’m truly doubtful y’all were deserving of that measure of rudeness. ---
**Author:** ![SlyFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SlyFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlyFrog)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484/24 "2005-09-15T21:55:49Z")
> [@zev\_steinhardt](#): > > We all do stupid things from time to time - things that we regret doing. My wife had just such a moment last night. > > We were coming back from a school function and were getting ready to park the car. My wife put the car into reverse and started to back up to parallel park. About a second later, there was a loud honk behind us - she had started to back up and had not seen the car behind her. She hit the brakes and stopped. An accident was averted. > > OK, no real harm done. Yes, it was her fault. Yes, she should have looked better. No one is looking to say otherwise. > > However, as the driver of the other car pulled away, he turned to us and gave us the finger. > > Now, I’m not faulting him for being somewhat upset. I get upset when I see people who cause accidents too. I can understand his anger. But was that really necessary? What ever happened to simply letting bygones be bygones – especially in situations where no harm was done? Is it really necessary to “utter” obscenties at someone just because you have the “upper moral hand” (so to speak)? > > Zev Steinhardt Another possibility is that the person believed your wife was intentionally being an asshole. I’ve found that even in these times, it take relatively “special” person to get really pissed off and rude at someone who is making unintentional mistakes (frustrated, yes, flipping the person off, no). It is quite possible the guy thought your wife was being an asshole. I find a lot that on the highway, as I’m trying desperately to merge in, the idiots who keep a car length or two, only to speed up when they see my put my blinker on to change lanes, somehow think I’m the aggressor for daring to cut in front of them and not run my car into the retaining wall at the end of the merge lane. In my world, they are the aggressive assholes for speeding up and trying to keep me from merging; in their world, I’m the aggressive asshole for “cutting them off.” ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484/25 "2005-09-15T23:18:23Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > It’s a special circumstance due to the fact that the other person was in a car, and could drive away without having to deal with your no doubt negative reaction, no different from the way that posters to a message board often say things to each other they would never consider saying if they were face to face. This is what I’ve always thought. I was standing in line at the bank the other day, and two ladies in front of me were chatting. They were so engrossed in their conversation, they didn’t notice that the line had moved up until I cleared my throat and mentioned it to them. They said they were sorry and moved up. No muss, no fuss. Now imagine instead if I had yelled “HEY, WHAT THE HELL’S THE MATTER WITH YOU! CAN’T YOU SEE THE LINE’S MOVED UP, DUMBASS?!” Oh, and I’d probably honk one of those canned air horns, too, just to make my point. Something about the anonymity of being in a car just peels away that veneer of civility. ---
**Author:** ![Mapache](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58956e/32.png) [@Mapache](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mapache)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484/26 "2005-09-16T01:13:25Z")
Hey, being polite even works with cops (sometimes) I was up in Wichita Ks a couple weeks ago, had to get the rent-a-car back in fifteen minutes, three gas stations in a row had long lines. Saw an empty pump on the wrong side of the street and cut in front of a couple of trucks who honked and yelled. I was thinking of making some kind of nasty reply when a cruiser pulled up beside me, the cop giving me a very displeased look and reaching for his ticket book. Big sheepish smile, spread hands in apology, got out of my car and walked over saying “Boy, that was really dumb, right? Don’t know what I was thinking of” and so on. Not only didn’t he give me a ticket, he ended up driving off with a “welcome to Wichita, drive nice now” and a smile. I suppose they’re so used to getting rudeness from the people they have to interact with that any kind of civilized behaviour improves their mood. Worked for me anyway. Now if I can just keep that in mind when I have to cope with Mexico City traffic… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2005, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484/27 "2005-09-16T01:44:36Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#): > > This precise thing happened to me recently. > > Sitting at a red traffic light; I in my Chevy S10 and the another driver to my left in his Ford F150. > Pedestrian in front of us, crossing in violation of the bright DON’T WALK sign …moving sloooo-oooowly. > Light turns green and pedestrian (moving right-to-left) has almost cleared my front bumper and is preparing to step in front of the Ford. > And, as if telepathically summoned, both the driver of the Ford and I give a quick goose to the accelerator and scoot forward about a foot. > Pedestrian jumps straight into the air like a scared rabbit and zips across the street. > > I turn to look at the other driver just as he turns to look at me… > > and we LAAAAAA-AAAAUGHED! This is when it’s good to be driving a stick - I can make the engine rev really loudly without the car moving forward when an illegal pedestrian (usually a teenager - I wouldn’t scare Granny) is lollygagging in front of me. In answer to the OP, common civility is not very common. I think we need it more than ever, as we live in increasingly crowded conditions, where everywhere you go you are being forced to interact with other human beings, but instead of becoming more common, it seem to be becoming less common as people move further out of our monkeysphere. It is somewhat of a chore to remain civil when you have rude interaction after rude interaction, and it starts to feel like you are the only civil person left in civilization, but it’s a choice I make because it’s important to me to remain courteous (and a challenge, as well). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ever-happened-to-common-civility/321484.md?page=1)