# What, exactly, constitutes as being "bad in bed?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 28, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072 "2003-05-28T17:54:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![the\_great\_dalmuti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b2d939/32.png) [@the\_great\_dalmuti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_great_dalmuti)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/1 "2003-05-28T17:54:31Z")
I’ve seen and heard the term “bad in bed” thrown around quite often, in books, on TV, in movies, etc. Sure, there are bad, less-than-perfect sexual experiences. But I’ve never actually heard a non-fictional person state that one of their lovers or ex-lovers is/was “bad in bed.” I don’t know. I’ve always considered the act to be rather easy. There’s only a handful of parts involved, so there’s not a whole lot to get broken or misplaced. So, any ideas? I’d love to hear some tales and anecdotes about past relationships with people who were “bad in bed.” I mean, were they _always_ bad in bed? Just sometimes bad in bed? Even if you don’t have a huge (or any) basis for comparison, did you still know, somehow, that they were inherently bad in bed? Again, I’m not looking for uncomfortable, bad experiences. We all have those. I’m thinking more long-term. What drives one to think that his or her lover is really “bad in bed?” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/2 "2003-05-28T18:02:36Z")
Had a gf who was definitely bad in bed. She would lay there, passive, unmoving, and thinking of England for all I know. All my other parteners over the years have enthusiastically responded to my efforts, so I don’t think it was some flaw in my technique. I hope she eventually married a closet necrophiliac. She did a pretty good imitation of corpse during sex anyway. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/3 "2003-05-28T18:22:27Z")
> [@](#): > > There’s only a handful of parts involved You’re kidding, Right? On the Demeanor Side: Unimaginitive Abruptness Dispassion Unsharing Cold Unfocused Uninterested Aloof On The Physical Side: Well, that’s a matter of personal preference for a totally different thread. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/4 "2003-05-28T18:28:39Z")
What **Scumpup** said, except substitute “wife” for gf." **Spiff** is ☹ . ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/5 "2003-05-28T18:34:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scumpup \* > \*\* She would lay there, passive, unmoving… She did a pretty good imitation of corpse during sex anyway. \*\* I KNOW THIS GIRL! She would _only_ lie flat on her back, ever. She turned her head to the side, closed her eyes tightly and made this annoying, “Ehh” sound every now and then. Periodicly she would say something really sexy like, “Would you like it if I stimulated your penis?” (she said it like PEE-nis) What? Are we screwing or are you doing a science project? Didn’t last long. Bad in bed. Come to think of it, she was about the only one I can say that about. All the rest were winners, with some even making up for certain shortcomings with an abundance of enthusiasm! 😃 * * * Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/6 "2003-05-28T18:40:43Z")
Unenthusiastic. Or dead. Same difference. ---
**Author:** ![Sionach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Sionach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sionach)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/7 "2003-05-28T18:42:24Z")
Other than the psychological issues JohnBckWLD mentioned, from the female perspective, “bad in bed” can mean a guy who is a one-minute-wonder and doesn’t show any consideration for his female partner’s pleasure. Another way a guy can be bad in bed is if he’s just pounding away like a jackhammer with no technique, or thinks the natural position of our feet is “hooked behind our ears.” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/8 "2003-05-28T18:55:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sionach \* > **Other than the psychological issues JohnBckWLD mentioned, from the female perspective, “bad in bed” can mean a guy who is a one-minute-wonder…** You mean, because he’s not fast enough, right? RIGHT?? ---
**Author:** ![Sionach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Sionach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sionach)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/9 "2003-05-28T18:59:07Z")
No, I mean because he’s done before she gets started. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/10 "2003-05-28T19:03:47Z")
Guess I should take the words “super fast ejaculator” out of my online personal ad, then. ---
**Author:** ![SlowMindThinking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@SlowMindThinking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlowMindThinking)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/11 "2003-05-28T19:10:26Z")
Being in the wrong person’s bed comes to mind. 😛 Oh, you meant not any fun in bed! I agree with the above. Lack of enthusiasm, and not taking pleasure in your partner’s pleasure. ("EWWWW! That’s not the missionary position!!! I’m not doing THAT!!) Withholding sex or using sex as a relationship weapon probably count too. ---
**Author:** ![Sappho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sappho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sappho)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/12 "2003-05-28T19:15:03Z")
Well, having had sex with both men and women, the things that make someone “bad in bed” are pretty much the same for both: Not caring about your pleasure. Men and women who are selfish in bed. Not being able to receive pleasure - being too self-conscious. This can be kind of endearing but it also makes me feel guilty. Someone being self-conscious about their body. And very occasionally, someone who just isn’t very “skilled” - doesn’t seem to know what to do, or respond to your input. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/13 "2003-05-28T19:16:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sionach \* > \*\*Other than the psychological issues JohnBckWLD mentioned, from the female perspective, “bad in bed” can mean a guy who is a one-minute-wonder and doesn’t show any consideration for his female partner’s pleasure. Another way a guy can be bad in bed is if he’s just pounding away like a jackhammer with no technique, or thinks the natural position of our feet is “hooked behind our ears.” :rolleyes: \*\* [ul]🆒 [sup] **I was waiting for the feminine perspective and knew exactly what she’s say, except for that “hooked behind our ears.”** [/sup][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/14 "2003-05-28T19:20:21Z")
The attitude items listed by johnbckwld are all more important than anything physical, but there are some physical things can diminish the experience. Being with a woman who can’t seem to get aroused is pretty disappointing. Or if she doesn’t move at all the whole time. Or doesn’t express any preferences or particular enthusiasms. Or if the woman doesn’t seem to have any muscularity or tension in certain places, then there may not be enough gripping action to keep things stimulating. But mostly, the ‘bad in bed’ issue relates to being inhibited or disinterested in having sex in the first place. Physical problems reflect the woman’s attitude more than any particular anatomical issues. I’ve been with a woman who was at times wonderful in bed and at other times was just terrible, depending upon her mood and how the relationship was going. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/15 "2003-05-28T19:24:07Z")
Out of my past partners, two would qualify–in my book anyway–as BAD. One was horridly unimaginative, to say the least. Same way, every time, incapable of mixing it up, couldn’t get off unless things were _just so_, despite my best efforts. The other, well, he was just a sad case all around. Guys, you know how we say “that’s okay, it happens to everyone”? That’s true. But what’s also true is that if it happens every frickin’ time you ought to see a doctor instead of just pretending things are hunky dory. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/16 "2003-05-28T19:24:53Z")
If you sprain or dislocate ANYTHING - on yourself or your partner - you’re probably bad in bed. In fact, if anything you do sexually results in a hospital visit, that should qualify. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/17 "2003-05-28T19:30:26Z")
Also, creating teethmarks on places and at times that are inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/18 "2003-05-28T19:39:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bruce\_Daddy \* > \*\*Unenthusiastic. > > Or dead. > > Same difference. \*\* Do we want to know how you know this? ---
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/19 "2003-05-28T19:45:40Z")
I’m thinking that not having sex constitutes being “bad” at it. The rest is all about preference. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/20 "2003-05-28T19:59:57Z")
I’ve never had any of my buddies say they’d been with women who were bad in bed. But I’ve had some female friends who told me their boyfriends were bad in bed. (And yeah, sometimes it was a pretty non-subtle invitation.) I did have one lover who could not KISS to save her life. Lovely girl, otherwise very good in bed, but she simply could not kiss right. So maybe there’s a physical skill thing to various acts of love. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072.md?page=2)