# What, exactly, constitutes as being "bad in bed?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 28, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072 "2003-05-28T17:54:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/21 "2003-05-28T20:09:23Z")
DUnno about the rest of y’all, but if I don’t make my partner orgasm, then I’m being bad in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Jonno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/22 "2003-05-28T20:10:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Giraffe \* > \*\*Guess I should take the words “super fast ejaculator” out of my online personal ad, then. \*\* And you can replace them with “sexually efficient”. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/23 "2003-05-28T20:15:03Z")
> [@](#): > > If you sprain or dislocate ANYTHING - on yourself or your partner - you’re probably bad in bed. In fact, if anything you do sexually results in a hospital visit, that should qualify. I’ll have to respectfully disagree on these points - the sex-related injuries I’ve had have resulted from exceptional abilities on the part of my lovers ! No hospital trips, though - but only because the bleeding stopped by morning. And that wasn’t even BDSM or fetish stuff - just vanilla, creative, enthusiasm. Yum. ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/24 "2003-05-28T20:21:26Z")
“Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.” ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/25 "2003-05-28T20:25:16Z")
Old joke from PLAYBOY: Man 1: I just had the worst piece of ass I’ve ever experienced. Man 2: Oh! How was it? Man 1: Marvelous! That said: “Good in bed” means both participants make the act pleasurable for one another. “Bad in bed” refers to someone who doesn’t, someone who is just there for his/her own pleasure or who approaches sex in a perfunctory manner like it was an odious duty. In cinema, I guess the worst woman to have sex with would’ve been Xenia Onatopp from _Goldeneye._ ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/26 "2003-05-28T20:29:21Z")
One of my partners was a just-lay-there sort. (Well, aside from leaving painful scratch marks) She certainly enjoyed herself, and told others that I was good in bed. I was a little distressed to be unable to return the compliment. Another partner showed no initiative. She’d want to have sex, but once in the bedroom (or hallway, living room, wherever) she’d willingly follow any ideas or suggestions I had, but never offer any of her own, at all. I found out later that at least one of these women was seriously submissive, so perhaps that’s why they behaved that way. I suppose their passivity could be considered a bonus in a dom/sub relationship, but it certainly wasn’t what I was looking for at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/27 "2003-05-28T20:34:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LouisB \* > \*\*Do we want to know how you know this? \*\* No. Not at all. . . The empty white florescent lights lit the azure tile floor with a cold but clean glint. The metal tables themselves reflected a life of being scrubbed with abrasives one too many times. **Bruce\_Daddy** glanced up casually to see one of the lackies pull a large drawer out of the wall and heard it snap to a authoritative click. **Bruce\_Daddy** let out a slow breath and muttered “What a way to spend a Friday night. At least this one has a head. . .” ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/28 "2003-05-28T20:36:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Krokodil \* > \*\* > In cinema, I guess the worst woman to have sex with would’ve been Xenia Onatopp from _Goldeneye._ \*\* But what a way to go. Squeezed to death by Famke Jansen. 🆒 At least she’s enthusiastic! ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/29 "2003-05-28T20:38:58Z")
Oh, almost forgot… Me: “OUCH!!!” Her: “Oh, sorry…” Me: “What’d you do that for?” Her: “I thought iit might be kind of sexy if I bit your testicle.” Me: “For future reference, _no_, it is _not_ considered sexy to bite my testicle.” ---
**Author:** ![skreemr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@skreemr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skreemr)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/30 "2003-05-28T20:44:28Z")
A big fat beer belly smashing the breath out of you is bad - no matter what else is going on, it’s impossible to feel pleasure. ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/31 "2003-05-28T20:44:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rjung \* > \*\*DUnno about the rest of y’all, but if I don’t make my partner orgasm, then I’m being bad in bed. \*\* Sorry, I respectfully disagree. Sometimes people just can’t get off, but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t enjoy it. I know plenty of women who hate the “Did you come? Didja? Huh? Didja?” aspect of the aftersex. Heck, even I have had major romp-fests that ended with me getting over-sensitized and not being able to come. Now, I just waited 15 minutes and tried again, but there have been a few times when Mr. Happy just wouldn’t cooperate. And those were some of my greatest times in bed. Sometimes it is hard to orgasm after 4 solid hours of sex. Frustrating too, admittedly, but still there was nothing bad about it. -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/32 "2003-05-28T20:47:53Z")
The inability to laugh at what’s essentially silly equals ‘bad in bed’ to me. I’ve had partners who had physical shortcomings, none of which were insurmountable, as long as the sense of humor was intact. If I can laugh about what gravity has done to my cleavage when I lay on my back, he oughta be able secure enough to giggle about his beer belly or whatever. Once everyone’s naked, it shouldn’t be time for critiques, just fun stuff. There certainly is a degree of skill involved, especially considering techniques performed for your partners pleasure. If you aren’t willing to modify as you go along, what is the point? Nothing worse than a partner who expects gold stars for a bad performance, as if the fact that they even attempted it means something significant. I once had a bf that I got along with so well in every other aspect of our lives, but being told what I should enjoy and how I should enjoy it ended what should have been a long-lasting good time. I’m pretty sure that I’m a better judge of what I like than whatever well-intentioned Maxim article he read said I should like. ---
**Author:** ![MarlaDurden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@MarlaDurden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MarlaDurden)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/33 "2003-05-28T20:59:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Krokodil \* > **Old joke from PLAYBOY: > Man 1: I just had the worst piece of ass I’ve ever experienced. > Man 2: Oh! How was it? > Man 1: Marvelous!** Ha. It’s like pizza. Even if the pizza is bad, you’re still going to eat it because it’s pizza. If the sex it bad, you’re still going to do it, because it’s sex. All you men out there talk of women who just lay there…well, I’ve had men who do the same thing. It’s pure laziness. No one is going to enjoy it if only one person does the work. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/34 "2003-05-28T21:14:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ll have to respectfully disagree on these points - the sex-related injuries I’ve had have resulted from exceptional abilities on the part of my lovers ! I didn’t mean that only bad lovers will get you sore or whatever else. I meant that injuring somebody isn’t good in and of itself. A little bleeding or whatever is one thing. I’m talking about dislocating a shoulder or something. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee59a6/32.png) [@CrazyMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyMonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/35 "2003-05-28T21:46:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marley23 \* > \*\*In fact, if anything you do sexually results in a hospital visit, that should qualify. \*\* Hey! I’m a legend at the college I went to as the naked guy who fell out of a loft in the girl’s dorm and knocked himself out – buy I’ve never had any _other_ complaints. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/36 "2003-05-29T00:34:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tomcat \* > \*\*Sorry, I respectfully disagree. Sometimes people just can’t get off, but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t enjoy it. > > -Tcat \*\* I have to agree with this. The best sex I ever had did not result in my having an orgasm. It was just an all-around thrilling, pleasurable experience. And a long, long time ago. Feh. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/37 "2003-05-29T00:52:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Queen Tonya \* > **…I once had a bf that I got along with so well in every other aspect of our lives, but being told what I should enjoy and how I should enjoy it ended what should have been a long-lasting good time. I’m pretty sure that I’m a better judge of what I like than whatever well-intentioned Maxim article he read said I should like.** Apart from some of what’s already been mentioned, this had been one of the biggest turn-offs for me… guys who thought they KNEW it all and couldn’t be told a damn thing. Like, “um, honey, it really doesn’t go _there_ despite what **Playboy** might say” or “I don’t like _that_ even though porn movies seem to make it all the rage”… Gah! I hate those mucho suave, can-do-no-work Romeo types. I’d rather have a geek, willing-to-try-anything fella any day. Oooh, yeah! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/38 "2003-05-29T02:00:54Z")
Not necessarily “bad” in bed, but mismatched doesn’t help. A short bodied woman with a larger than average man who thinks deep penetration is a good idea - bad. As well as the one minute wonder, you have the one hour wonder. “Look, I’m impressed with your stamina, but I stopped having fun and just started getting sore about twenty minutes ago, could you just come already?” (Was it a bad sign that I actually said that to my ex husband back when we were dating?) Foreplay can take hours. The bouncy bouncy stuff can get old after about twenty minutes. Especially if you believe the natural position of my feet is hooked around my ears, or think missionary is fun for me when you weigh two and a half times what I do. ---
**Author:** ![spiro51](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@spiro51](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spiro51)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/39 "2003-05-29T03:29:01Z")
\ silence You can be happy in every other way with someone, but goddamn, silence sure wears a guy down. Something’s just _wrong_ if **I** have to question whether it’s in… ☹ I don’t expect a woman to wail like a banshee or pant filthy things (hey, bonus if she does!)… but sqeezing her lips tight to quash any/every natural sound that might emerge? _ **whatthefuckisthat???** _ ---
**Author:** ![litost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@litost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/litost)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/40 "2003-05-29T03:31:28Z")
What’s with this feet hooked behind the ears thing? Everyone seems to be doing it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072.md?page=3)