# What, exactly, constitutes as being "bad in bed?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 28, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072 "2003-05-28T17:54:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/61 "2003-05-30T06:30:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spiro51 \* > \*\*\ > > silence > > You can be happy in every other way with someone, but goddamn, silence sure wears a guy down. Something’s just _wrong_ if **I** have to question whether it’s in… ☹ > > I don’t expect a woman to wail like a banshee or pant filthy things (hey, bonus if she does!)… but sqeezing her lips tight to quash any/every natural sound that might emerge? _ **whatthefuckisthat???** _ \*\* Okay, maybe I can help. Some of us just didn’t KNOW that we were supposed to make noise (never fear, someone taught me), but the truth is that the closer I got, the more quiet I would get, so as to concentrate on it I guess. I mean, I never watched any porn, and no one ever complained (I was pretty physical, definitely not a “just lay there” type). Maybe in part it was all the typical girl silliness of not wanting to seem unladylike or “whorish” (I know, I know). I was always enthusiastic and moved a great deal, and would definately talk and giggle, but would rarely make much noise (moans etc). My current boyfriend is the one who just came out and said “hey, make some noise” and after a talk, I gradually learned to be less vocally shy, and “applaud” him. Of couse the “payoff” made me naturally noisier over time. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Antonius\_Block](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Antonius\_Block](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antonius_Block)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/62 "2003-05-30T11:20:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marley23 \* > \*\*If you sprain or dislocate ANYTHING - on yourself or your partner - you’re probably bad in bed. In fact, if anything you do sexually results in a hospital visit, that should qualify. \*\* Presumably you are excluding **pregnancy** from that statement. After all, many religions and cultures would claim that a hospital visit --to the maternity ward – is the _desired_ result of sexual acts! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/63 "2003-05-30T12:33:34Z")
On bumping the cervix: Softly is fine, but personally, I’d rather not. Hard is painful to me, 'couse some people like a little pain in their sex. One of my girlfriends ended up going to the emergency room - you can bruise a cervix. ---
**Author:** ![angelabaca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@angelabaca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelabaca)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/64 "2003-05-30T18:00:18Z")
I’m sure you felt like quite the stud in the ER that day! ---
**Author:** ![angelabaca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@angelabaca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelabaca)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/65 "2003-05-30T18:05:21Z")
I’m sure you felt like quite the stud in the ER that day! ---
**Author:** ![spiro51](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@spiro51](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spiro51)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072/66 "2003-05-30T23:45:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \***I mean, I never watched any porn, and no one ever complained (I was pretty physical, definitely not a “just lay there” type). Maybe in part it was all the typical girl silliness of not wanting to seem unladylike or “whorish” (I know, I know).** Thanks for your reply - your shots outline my issues; see, she accuses me of wanting her to act like a porn star if I’m unhappy with silence (or the near-silence of held breath). Mind you, she likes sex, though she refuses to say as much. What’s interesting about _your_ answer, though, is how you reference porn. Do you mean that porn was what guided your boyfriend’s desires, and then you didn’t mind following them? How does this relate to what _you_ want? I’m interested because my woman loathes the idea that men’s sexual desires are shaped by porn - and then she has to deal with those desires… that I may want her to act in ways that aren’t natural to her. That would be a reasonable argument if I were asking her to take on three guys or use really absurd positions… or for implants and a faked orgasm every 90 seconds… but I’m not. It seems that she requires a reserve of privacy when it comes to showing sexual desire or pleasure, even from me. It’s pride & privacy & maybe even embarrassment together. Anyhow, that wasn’t your response to your guy, but I guess you do have differing backgrounds and stuff. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-constitutes-as-being-bad-in-bed/178072.md?page=3)