# What, exactly, is a "dad bod" and why tf are they considered attractive? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 29, 2019, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388 "2019-08-29T01:04:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/41 "2019-08-29T13:06:19Z")
I think the Sheriff Hopper example is a good one. Dad bod isn’t a fat slob. It’s a guy that has other priorities, but still is strong and capable. Someone that can haul sacks of concrete around and build a porch, but still eats dessert and has beer. As for why they’re attractive? I’m a straight man, but seems like the best of both worlds to me. Strong and capable, but also more relatable and won’t make you feel bad about more fun/not optimally healthy lifestyles. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/42 "2019-08-29T13:23:37Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > when was this mythical time that the average guy was always going to the gym and was “buff” until he had kids? The dad bod isn’t the average guy. If I understand the meme correctly, he’s what happens to the buff guy after he has kids. That doesn’t mean every guy with kids has a dad bod. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/43 "2019-08-29T13:26:25Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > So far as I have seen among my friends, once they get a girlfriend, their girl always tries to fatten them up. > > My fiancee directly told me to put on weight. > > I don’t think they’re looking for weak, they just like men with a little meat - the same as most guys prefer a woman with some curves. > > The popular conception of beauty, for both men and women, has been defined by the media with (I’m given to understand) an outsized vote by gay men. Gay men like the Greek statue look and if they can’t have that then they at least don’t like womanly curves. > > End result: The media tells us that a handsome man has a narrow waist and a six pack when, in actuality, women prefer a bit of gut and thick biceps more than defined biceps. And, similarly, it tells women that men think that they should be thin reeds rather than a tiny bit plump and curvaceous. I always understood it to be more of an acknowledgement of the fact that being in/keeping yourself in GOOD shape- i.e. muscular, low body fat, etc… takes a whole lot of work and time, and that a lot of guys prioritize that over other relationship aspects- having fun, being relaxed, etc… Most women don’t want a high-maintenance guy who’s going to spend 2 hours a day at the gym, and be prissy about his food, because he wants to be ripped or swole or whatever. They’d rather have a guy who is fun to be around and who wants to spend time with her, and who would be willing to eat brownies if she made him some. Not a total slob, but not some kind of fitness prima-donna either. In other words, “dad bod” in itself isn’t sexy per-se, but what it tends to indicate is. Men have the same thing- I’d rather date a woman with some chub, rather than some six-pack abs chick who may look great in yoga pants, but who won’t get down on a pizza and a pitcher of beer with me because she’s too worried about her figure. That’s how I understand it (with a bit of clarification from my wife) ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/44 "2019-08-29T13:28:28Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Your not Thor, but you’re not Fat Thor either. So…basically “Star Lord”. [I’m not thinking this guy is a good example of dad bod…](https://pmcvariety.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/guardians-of-the-galaxy-vol-2-sb.jpg?w=700) ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/45 "2019-08-29T13:45:03Z")
Many women feel that their spouse/partner being in extremely good shape increases the pressure on them (the women) to be in extremely good shape themselves. And they feel enough pressure as it is, and are somewhat insecure as to whether they truly measure up. Having a guy who is a little soft himself alleviates that to some extent. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/46 "2019-08-29T13:52:33Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > Well I don’t know, I’m married for decades, but it seems to me that young women looking for a partner might look at a sculpted gym-toned guy and think, “Nah, he’s probably a vegan. Probably doesn’t eat ice cream. Bet he hasn’t had a brownie in years.” And therefore, if she’s with him, no ice cream, no brownies, vegan food…possibly that green grass juice stuff. Or maybe that he just looks like too high-maintenance. > > UNLESS, she is also a gym-toned, diet-conscious, super healthy lifestyle type, and then he will look ideal. They can drink their wheat-grass juice together and be smug about how superior their bodies are to the masses. Yep, this is how I see it (albeit a little less harshly!), as a woman. You can look at a guy and make some assumptions of what his dating profile might look like. Some guys are all “I climb rocks in my spare time” and other guys are “I want to Netflix and chill, but in the literal sense, where we actually watch Netflix.” Both are valid ways to spend one’s free time, and we’re basing our initial attraction on what we see ourselves doing with the man in our shared free time. Maybe you can consider the “rise of the dad bod” as an indicator of the growing appreciation for the realities of how much work it takes to be trim and buff. We’re all waking up to the fact that you don’t look like Thor without a lot of time and dedication, and not everyone wants to be a part of a lifestyle that appreciates the body shape enough to put in the time and dedication, so we’re looking for mates that physically represent the amount of time and dedication we’re willing to expend ourselves. Also, that doughy butt. Mmmm. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/47 "2019-08-29T14:25:29Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > I don’t really care for its opposite, the “buff” “gym bunny” look or whatever is the preferred term for that: I mean guys who look “ripped” with enlarged muscles and a lot of definition. Absolutely nothing wrong with going for that look if you like it, but not everyone finds it attractive. . This. That super-muscular look doesn’t look good to everybody. To some of us it just looks kind of silly. And I’m dubious about how much it has to do with fitness. I’ve known people who could do massive amounts of physical work all day long, not just for a couple of hours at the gym; and then go out dancing at night. They didn’t have that ‘I work out at the gym every day’ look at all. Some of them had muscle overlaid with fat. Some of them were thin and wiry and didn’t look like they had huge muscles at all. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/48 "2019-08-29T14:39:16Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > This. > > That super-muscular look doesn’t look good to everybody. To some of us it just looks kind of silly. Oddly enough, my cousin is fairly ripped and works out daily – he was one of those “Body for Life” guys who went looking from an average doughy guy with a few extra pounds, to looking like an absolutely ripped body builder. His preference in women, judging by all the women he dates, is quite the opposite. In the 20 years or so since he’s been a ripped guy, I only remember him dating one fellow fitness fanatic. His preference is for softer and curvier women. I just don’t think he likes the ultra-toned look on women. Different strokes for different folks, as they say. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/49 "2019-08-29T22:50:29Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Have you never heard of a MILF? Not waxed & sculpted like a photoshopped magazine model, but just confident in general nonetheless. DadBod = DILF. Sure I’ve heard of MILF. But my understanding, come to by the repeated use of the term for certain types of mothers, is that the -ILF portion of the term is _despite_ the M, not in any way _because_ of it. In other words, the vast majority of times ive seen or heard the term used, it was for mothers who _didnt_ look like mothers. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/50 "2019-08-29T22:55:42Z")
I think the number of men who have the ripped, sculpted, overly muscular look are a miniscule portion of all men. So why is it being elevated as some sort of mainstream contrast to dad bods, which I’d say represent a faaar larger percentage of men? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/51 "2019-08-29T23:18:22Z")
There isn’t a “mom bod” craze, but I do think there is an equivalent: the woman who has a little bit of “cushion.” Or possibly the “fit” woman who tries not to be too cut, and wants to keep her curves. Growing up, I’ve always heard of women finding guys who were too cut to be not as attractive as those who kept themselves fit but weren’t body builder types. I think dad bod extends from that a bit, going a little further to actually having a little bit of fat, but still being stocky and strong. The guy who could suck in his tummy and look fit. Of course, many women do find the body builder physique attractive, too. But I think a lot of the societal idea that body builder means sexy is more a male power fantasy, and that some women are rebelling in the same way men rebel from the female-led idea that we all want super skinny women. That’s my take, anyways. I’ve thought about it a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/52 "2019-08-29T23:27:32Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think the number of men who have the ripped, sculpted, overly muscular look are a miniscule portion of all men. So why is it being elevated as some sort of mainstream contrast to dad bods, which I’d say represent a faaar larger percentage of men? Probably because the ripped body is overrepresented in movies, TV, sports, and visual art (which includes advertising.) Media always presents an idealized version of reality. As far as the whole comcept of “dad bod” I’d say it’s just a manifestation of the fact that the generation of people who grew up making memes and coining buzzwords on the internet, is now aging into the “dad bod” phase of life. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/53 "2019-08-29T23:28:53Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Of course, many women do find the body builder physique attractive, too. But I think a lot of the societal idea that body builder means sexy is more a male power fantasy… Given how many female bodybuilders there are, I’d say it’s more than just an exclusively male power fantasy. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2019, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/54 "2019-08-29T23:29:41Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think the number of men who have the ripped, sculpted, overly muscular look are a miniscule portion of all men. So why is it being elevated as some sort of mainstream contrast to dad bods, which I’d say represent a faaar larger percentage of men? Specifically because the “ripped, sculpted” look is so often pushed as an ideal, despite the low number of people who actually fit it. That’s why I think it’s more men pushing it as a power fantasy, rather than women saying “This is what I find attractive.” I’m not saying there aren’t women who find it attractive, just that it isn’t as widespread as the culture would lead you to believe. I mean, what did they do to Thor to make him an unattractive slob? Had him stick out his belly to look more overweight, while still keeping most of his muscular frame. Yet there were plenty of women who said they found him more attractive that way. So it’s clear that Hollywood thinks “super muscular” is most attractive, just like they think a certain thin female body type means attractive. And that some women think that’s silly. Again, it’s like the idea that has been shown in actual experiments: women think that men will find the thinner woman more attractive, while men actually found the next size up more attractive. The difference between expectations and reality spawned a meme. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2019, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/55 "2019-08-30T00:01:53Z")
I think the overall thing we should take away from this discussion is that we should stop letting Hollywood define How Things Should Be. In Hollywood, all men have firm physiques with \<5% body fat. All women have perfect proportions. Overweight people are slobs who can only ever be the butt of the joke. In Hollywood, “nerds” are perfect actors with bad haircuts and weird clothes. “Ugly” means a bad haircut, braces, and thick glasses. In Hollywood, the Nice Guy always gets the girl, as though she’s a “prize” to be “won.” [This is Hollywood’s idea of an “ugly” person.](https://www.thewrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/ugly-betty-creator-new-pilot-nbc.jpg) America Ferrera with a frumpy hairdo, braces, and glasses. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2019, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/56 "2019-08-30T02:29:09Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I guess. I mean, in the sense it’s a term, but I think it’s somewhat tongue-in-cheek. I feel like there has been a mainstream swing towards similar concepts in female attractiveness and standards of beauty, but without there being an equivalent “mom bod” type of hashtag meme. [Well, there’s this…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X53ZSxkQ3Ho) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2019, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/57 "2019-08-30T02:54:09Z")
> [@jz78817;21832708\[This is Hollywood's idea of an "ugly" person.](#): > > ([https://www.thewrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/ugly-betty-creator-new-pilot-nbc.jpg](https://www.thewrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/ugly-betty-creator-new-pilot-nbc.jpg)) America Ferrera with a frumpy hairdo, braces, and glasses. > **[John Malkovich | Actor, Producer, Writer](https://m.imdb.com/name/nm0000518/)** > > Known for: Being John Malkovich, In the Line of Fire, Dangerous Liaisons Johm Malcovich would like to have a word with you. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2019, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/58 "2019-08-30T03:08:09Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > This is exactly what i was referring to by “vast excluded middle”. Its not a choice between ripped/muscle-bound and beer belly/dad bod. There is the man who works out 3-4 times a week and makes at least some effort to eat wisely. You think 3-4 times a week is a moderate workout schedule? A full-time job and 3 active kids would have made almost any gym membership a problem for me. As someone else said - I don’t think the dad bod has a beer belly. Possibly a bit of pooch, but just keeping your weight in control without a gym routine is what I consider a dad bod (of course, I would say that, since it is my bod). ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2019, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/59 "2019-08-30T03:22:16Z")
> [@Folacin](#): > > You think 3-4 times a week is a moderate workout schedule? A full-time job and 3 active kids would have made almost any gym membership a problem for me. Plenty of very average normal guys manage 3/week workouts, it’s really not hard. You can get a decent workout in 30-45 minutes. Less than 2 hours a week of gym time, yes I’d call that moderate. Especially compared to most of the guys who train to be super ripped and buff. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2019, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/60 "2019-08-30T05:48:02Z")
It’s a diversion so that the few men who don’t look like they’ve given up on life can get all the attention. Well, maybe, not really. It’s one of those things that’s well meaning like: Hey guys, you don’t need 6 pack abs to be attractive. But then it gets taken to the extreme in either direction. For example, Jason Momoa being “dad bod shamed” for his well above-average body that he “let go” a little to not having defined abs. On the other end, let’s all neglect our health completely because slovenly dudes who don’t sleep, eat well, or exercise are “hot.” And the media/social counter to the “dad bod shaming” is an onslaught of terrible misinformation like the ideas that abs aren’t sustainable, every guy with over 140lbs in lean body mass must be on steroids, every guy who isn’t obese has to be able to afford a personal trainer, nutritionist, and personal chef, you have to spend all day in the gym, etc. FWIW, I have a fulltime job (up to 6 days and 60 hours, 40 hrs a week min), multiple small businesses, kids, and friends. I manage to sleep 7-8 hours, meal plan, and exercise regularly. No gym membership or personal chef. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388.md?page=4)