# What, exactly, is a "dad bod" and why tf are they considered attractive? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 29, 2019, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388 "2019-08-29T01:04:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2019, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/101 "2019-08-31T19:51:38Z")
The movies, marketing and media often portray certain body types as more attractive. Many people who look okay would like to change something about the way they look, hence the relative popularity of plastic surgery, diets, exercise, skin treatments, supplements and hardcore drugs like steroids. The Hollywood ideal often requires genetics, a willingness to misuse dangerous substances, diets and exercise routines more strict than most people would care for and considerable investments of time, work, money and narcissism. An ideal that makes most other people feel bad about themselves in some way has some obvious flaws. Prioritizing work and family is a more productive; people whose conversations are limited to discussing a restrictive diet or CrossFit routines (and I like CrossFit) may benefit from more depth. Most men of any age find women in their 20s to be physically attractive. But there is something sexy about being a good parent or provider that transcends physical qualities and demonstrates qualities like sacrifice or empathy. Motherhood is sexy, but not because of the stretch marks. IIRC, “Dad Bod” became popular in the media because a woman said, in essence, she found fatherhood attractive. Having 5% body fat usually means a very bland, strict and repetitive diet. Most people like to eat delicious food. Until recently, eating a salad was not considered very masculine. Naturally, since men are generally egotistical, the idea of a woman praising muffin tops and unathletic bodies appealed to many men; probably less than 20% of men aged forty go to the gym at all or engage in any type of regular, moderately intense exercise. The health benefits of exercise are very clear; an unrealistic, and even stupid, ideal does not need to be the main goal. And many men are attracted to larger or curvier women despite what most advertising might suggest. Accordingly, women tend to find men closer in age (and slightly older until age 30 or so, then slightly younger) to be most attractive. Many women, but far from all, like some degree of muscle. But too much leanness and muscle is less popular; and in practice means a fairly extreme lifestyle. So why wouldn’t many women find “dad bods” sexy, or at least say they do? Particularly when too much attention is paid to problematic ideals which often seem outdated (although there is a lot of hypocrisy about preferences, there are some signs people are becoming more accepting, and cultural issues cycle over time). ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2019, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/102 "2019-08-31T22:45:30Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > First of all I am definitely prioritizing my health over that of my wife and kids. I am a firm believer in the “airline safety walkthrough” philosophy of life in that unless my personal shit is squared away, I can’t be in a position to take care of other people. Does that require working out every day, or can you just eat sensibly and avoid bad habits for a few years until both of you have more time? > [@](#): > > Besides, how hard is it to get up a half hour earlier than your wife and go for a jog? When my kids were small, my wife and I got up at 5:00 a.m., took quick showers, then got the kids up, dressed and fed so we could get everyone dropped off and get ourselves to work. We got everyone home about 6:00, then there was dinner, some few minutes of quality time with the kids, then getting them to bed. That left about 60 minutes at the end of the day for us to entertain ourselves and/or each other, and get our stuff ready for tomorrow. We were in bed no earlier than 10:30 every night so we could do the same thing the next day. Weekends were for shopping, laundry, and assorted other errands. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2019, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/103 "2019-08-31T23:31:37Z")
Skipping a half hour of sleep may do more harm to your health than an extra half hour of exercise would benefit you. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/104 "2019-09-01T00:48:55Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > It has absolutely nothing to do with “appearance” or prioritizing pursuits of vanity over family and fatherly responsibilities. If anything, I’d say its exactly the opposite. It’s about doing the things necessary to be at your best so you can fufill your roles as a father and husband as fully and happily as possiblr. :rolleyes: Oh wonderful. Some guy who doesn’t have to wake up at 6:00 to prepare breakfast for the kids, race home after work for get dinner ready, make sure that the homework gets done, keep the kids from fighting with each other and driving their mother crazy because kids are kids is now going to give us lectures about to fulfill our roles as fathers. Yes sensei. Please tell me how what I need to do. I’m all ears. Or just go back to watching your videos and working out and idling wondering why parents just don’t have as much free time as parentless adults. Imagine that. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/105 "2019-09-01T01:04:07Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > First of all I am definitely prioritizing my health over that of my wife and kids. I am a firm believer in the “airline safety walkthrough” philosophy of life in that unless my personal shit is squared away, I can’t be in a position to take care of other people. Don’t you have/had a nanny? For most families, there is just a certain amount of time required to do things. When we had one baby and one toddler with two working parents and no hired help, there was so much that needed to get done. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/106 "2019-09-01T11:49:25Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > :rolleyes: > > Oh wonderful. Some guy who doesn’t have to wake up at 6:00 to prepare breakfast for the kids, race home after work for get dinner ready, make sure that the homework gets done, keep the kids from fighting with each other and driving their mother crazy because kids are kids is now going to give us lectures about to fulfill our roles as fathers. > > Yes sensei. Please tell me how what I need to do. I’m all ears. > > Or just go back to watching your videos and working out and idling wondering why parents just don’t have as much free time as parentless adults. Imagine that. Jesus fucking Christ. You guys here are always on the lookout to take offense to anything, even if you have to twist yourselves into pretzels to do so. Look, I’m not lecturing one-fucking-person! I’m not “telling you what you need to do”. Fuck. I was saying that those men who _are_ able (for whatever reason) to balance family responsibilities and maintain a couple hours/week workout routine by and large do it for health reasons, _not_ because they are vain or devoting time better spent with family on their appearance. _They_ are not the ones with the ripped, overly muscular physiques. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/107 "2019-09-01T13:01:42Z")
If multiple people have interpreted your post in a certain way, you might consider that the problem doesn’t lie with them but rather you. Surely you can see the arrogance in this sentence: “ It’s about doing the things necessary to be at your best so you can fufill your roles as a father and husband as fully and happily as possiblr.” As a parent and spouse, the list of “necessary” things that I have to do to fulfill my roles is pretty long. Working out so that I get impressive ab definition and a perfect ass are not on the list. In fact, they don’t even get honorable mentions, as unbelievable as that might be. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/108 "2019-09-01T13:30:08Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Surely you can see the arrogance in this sentence: “ It’s about doing the things necessary to be at your best so you can fufill your roles as a father and husband as fully and happily as possiblr.” > . Sure but you took that sentence out of it’s proper context. This is the preceding sentence that you chose not to quote: **It has absolutely nothing to do with “appearance” or prioritizing pursuits of vanity over family and fatherly responsibilities. If anything, I’d say its exactly the opposite**. It’s about doing the things necessary to be at your best so you can fufill your roles as a father and husband as fully and happily as possible. I was contrasting the goals of extreme physique-driven exercising with that of moderate, quick but regular exercise. I was doing this because the conversation seemed to have drifted into the territory where moderate 3 times/week exercise rountines (at home or at a gym) were only pursued by vanity-driven men who didnt have (or were shirking) familial responsibilities. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/109 "2019-09-01T13:59:58Z")
But it’s still absurd to say that working out 3-4 x per week is “necessary” to being a good father and husband. It’s perfectly possible to be fit without building in time to work out. Carrying kids upstairs, rocking them to sleep, roughhousing with them, wrestling them into car seats, chasing after them when they freak out…all are forms of exercise a parent might engage in everyday. Plus, plenty of parents work jobs that keep them on their feet all day, carrying heavy shit and moving quickly between tasks. To imply these people aren’t doing the “necessary things” simply because they aren’t adding two hours of exercise per week on top of their active lives is ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/110 "2019-09-01T14:24:08Z")
It was just the suggesting that going to the gym 3 times a week was “moderate”. Even if you don’t spend long there, between getting there, changing, showering, getting home, you’ve killed at least a hour with each trip. Only dedicated gym rats work out at the gym that often. Doing a little lifting or yoga or running at (or starting at) home a couple times a week is something I can imagine parents of small children making time for. (Yeah, my gym offers child care, too. I’ve never seen anyone use it except the staff, honestly. nice thought, but…) Anyway, I didn’t realize a “dad bod” included a visible-when-clothed gut. I don’t ever find extra gut fat attractive – I have plenty to provide padding for both of us – so I guess I can’t help. I mean, it’s not like a little extra weight rules a guy out from being attractive, but it doesn’t make him MORE attractive. So I can’t help ya. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/111 "2019-09-01T15:33:32Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > But it’s still absurd to say that working out 3-4 x per week is “necessary” to being a good father and husband. It’s perfectly possible to be fit without building in time to work out. Carrying kids upstairs, rocking them to sleep, roughhousing with them, wrestling them into car seats, chasing after them when they freak out. > > To imply these people aren’t doing the “necessary things” simply because they aren’t adding two hours of exercise per week on top of their active lives is ridiculous. Look, I am not now and never intended to suggest _anything_ is necessary to being a good father or husband. I was saying, unlike those who go to the gym frequently to seek a ripped physique, most of the people who _exercised_ a few times a week (i am _not_ saying went to the gym) do so for more health centered practical reasons. Each and every word of the sentence may not have been perfectly chosen. But i tried to further clarify this point by saying unlike the self-interested, heavy workout rountines, (which are often fueled by vanity and an enlarged concern for one’s appearance), the moderate, light workout routines are often fueled by a person’s desire to be at their reasonable healthiest while fufilling all their various responsibilities, duties and roles they play in their interpersonal lives. I in no way ever meant to suggest there was any particular path that needed to be taken to be a good husband or father. Not in any way whatsoever. That’d be like me preaching to women about how they should be wearing their tampons! 🙂 Perhaps i wrote clumsily but _all_ I meant was to challenge the notion that a moderate 2 hour a week exercise rountine was somehow excessive or only pursued by men (or people) who prioritized thei appearance over their family. Or that if you were a normal father, 2 hours a week was simply out of the qustion (for some fathers it might but it’s by no means an across the board reality). ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/112 "2019-09-01T16:20:11Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Look, I am not now and never intended to suggest _anything_ is necessary to being a good father or husband. I was saying, unlike those who go to the gym frequently to seek a ripped physique, most of the people who _exercised_ a few times a week (i am _not_ saying went to the gym) do so for more health centered practical reasons. I totally agree with that. I’m not on the schedule, myself. I gained about 20-30 pounds since the kids were born, because I just got lazy and just haven’t given a shit to find the time to exercise and my eating habits have gone to crap. I can find the extra hour a day to exercise if I wanted to; it’s just that I haven’t found the energy to do so. I really should take a little better care of my body now, _especially_ because I have kids. It shouldn’t be a negative that a dad (or mom) wants time to work out. Hell, I give my wife time whenever she wants to work out. The idea that it’s an either-or-proposition of going to the gym vs having more time for your spouse and kids is a silly one. You can do both if you want to. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/113 "2019-09-01T17:04:07Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > This is exactly what i was referring to by “vast excluded middle”. Its not a choice between ripped/muscle-bound and beer belly/dad bod. There is the man who works out 3-4 times a week and makes at least some effort to eat wisely. LOL that you think that is the “middle” ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/114 "2019-09-01T17:21:44Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > LOL that you think that is the “middle” Please tell me what you think the “middle” is betwen “ripped” and “pudgy”? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/115 "2019-09-01T18:32:50Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Please tell me what you think the “middle” is betwen “ripped” and “pudgy”? People who onlyworkout occasionally but are still healthy because daily life (i.e. chasing kids) keeps them reasonably active. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/116 "2019-09-01T19:19:44Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Please tell me what you think the “middle” is betwen “ripped” and “pudgy”? People who never set foot in a gym but eat OK-ish and maybe walk the dog every day, maybe ride a bike to work on a sunny day, or catch the subway to work rather than use a car, maybe they like a swim on the weekends. Or maybe their actual work is physical. Working out at a gym 3-4x a week is _not_ it. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/117 "2019-09-01T19:46:42Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Working out at a gym 3-4x a week is _not_ it. I agree. That’s why I’ve _repeatedly_ stressed the word “exercise” in the place of “going to the gym”. Going to the gym is only one potential option for that exercise. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2019, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/118 "2019-09-01T20:26:22Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I agree. That’s why I’ve _repeatedly_ stressed the word “exercise” in the place of “going to the gym”. Going to the gym is only one potential option for that exercise. Not in the post I was replying to. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2019, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/119 "2019-09-06T00:39:22Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Two hours a week working out. It could easily be done at home with minimal equipment, it doesnt require a gym membership or travelling to a gym. > > ETA: that is definitely not “prioritizing appearance” over his kids/wife’s time. That’s just caring about one’s health. I know a lot of couples who really don’t want their spouses to care about their own health, for whatever reason. Same thing for those who don’t want them to have any other friends or outside hobbies or interests- not healthy family/relationship dynamics, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2019, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388/120 "2019-09-06T02:04:04Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Not in the post I was replying to. It’s always an advisable thing to read the thread before posting. It’s not like this is some omnibus-length thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-a-dad-bod-and-why-tf-are-they-considered-attractive/839388.md?page=7)