# What exactly is "bad sex?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 31, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714 "2002-07-31T16:47:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/21 "2002-08-01T14:39:03Z")
Bad sex? I guess it would have to do more with attitude than technique. If either of the participants acted bored, selfish, or less than enthusiastic, then that would be bad. Also, anyone who comes to the bed with any kind of “I dont _do_ that” attitude would be bad a bad lover. When I read about people who have partners that refuse to pleasure them orally or try any kind of toy or experimentation, it just makes me kinda sad. Good sex? Ideally happens when both partners are clean, feeling good, enthusastic and attentive to each other’s needs. But I have had some incredible, toe curling, collapsed in a soft heap panting afterwards kind of sex when I was funky sweaty, hungover or running a fever too. Good sex can come in many forms like sweet tender, kissing, cuddling, stroking, continuous eye contact sex intense, spiritual, restrained tantric kind of sex slightly risky, might get caught any minute public sex hot, hot, hot frantic, tear each other’s clothes off while kissing and groping and leaving a trail of undies leading to the bedroom sex playful, imaginitive, tie me to the bed and let’s try out the new toy sex fun, messy anything involving whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey or almond oil sex lots and lots of oral multi orgasmic but not necessarily culminating in penetration sex energetic, 2 or 3 positons sex or my favorite, hard powerful, on my knees clutching the sheets and while screaming into my pillow sex 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mandielise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58956e/32.png) [@mandielise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandielise)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/22 "2002-08-01T15:01:26Z")
Did you HAVE to make me blush mermaid???:eek: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/23 "2002-08-01T15:37:26Z")
Well if that makes you blush, I better not even start on the kinky stuff. You know wild and reckless kinds of things like hot tub sex, public nudity, orgies, threesomes, etc. Not that I have any personal knowledge of those sorts of things you understand. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![loupdebois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e495f1/32.png) [@loupdebois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/loupdebois)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/24 "2002-08-01T19:05:37Z")
Bad sex… usually caused by insufficient foreplay, fatigue in one or both partners, or drunkenness. THe key is to have sex when you’ve got the time and energy, never out of a feeling that it should be had. If you don’t have 45 minutes for foreplay, or something exciting to do, or serious arousal in both parties, sex can be decidedly mediocre in my experience. Yes, bad sex is still pretty good, but that annoying feeling of ‘that could have been a lot better’ will follow you around afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/25 "2002-08-01T19:25:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > \*\*Well if that makes you blush, I better not even start on the kinky stuff. > > You know wild and reckless kinds of things like hot tub sex, public nudity, orgies, threesomes, etc. > > Not that I have any personal knowledge of those sorts of things you understand. 🆒 \*\* No, don’t dare start on the kinky stuff here, they couldn’t take it! [sub]send that to me in email instead![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/26 "2002-08-02T00:03:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > \*\* > > sweet tender, kissing, cuddling, stroking, continuous eye contact sex > > intense, spiritual, restrained tantric kind of sex > > slightly risky, might get caught any minute public sex > > hot, hot, hot frantic, tear each other’s clothes off while kissing and groping and leaving a trail of undies leading to the bedroom sex > > playful, imaginitive, tie me to the bed and let’s try out the new toy sex > > fun, messy anything involving whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey or almond oil sex > > lots and lots of oral multi orgasmic but not necessarily culminating in penetration sex > > energetic, 2 or 3 positons sex > > or my favorite, hard powerful, on my knees clutching the sheets and while screaming into my pillow sex 😃 \*\* Sounds like my past week. Did I mention it was a good week? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/27 "2002-08-02T15:39:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > playful, imaginitive, tie me to the bed and let’s try out the new toy sex 😃 > [@](#): > > fun, messy anything involving whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey or almond oil sex 😃 😃 > [@](#): > > lots and lots of oral multi orgasmic but not necessarily culminating in penetration sex where the hell is the two thumbs up smilie? > [@](#): > > energetic, 2 or 3 positons sex limiting yourself a bit aren’t you? what about 5-6+, and no I’m not just talking about flip stroke, flip stroke. > [@](#): > > or my favorite, hard powerful, on my knees clutching the sheets and while screaming into my pillow sex 😃 **So how you doin’?** Ohio huh? I can be by in a few hours. 😃 I can’t personally think of a time with bad sex, I remember the not so exciting, but I put that up more to inexperience than anything. I’m sure some of the women I’ve been with might think it was bad, but then again they were the ones that wouldn’t let me know what they did and did not like. As a matter of fact the better lovers are the ones that tell you what they like so talk about it. ---
**Author:** ![Clever\_Hans](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9a28c/32.png) [@Clever\_Hans](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clever_Hans)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/28 "2002-08-02T16:17:51Z")
Bad sex is passing out in a lady’s car who offered to give you a ride home from a bar, waking up next to a woman 15 years your senior with 4 kids (the oldest of which is closer to my age than I am to the mother), though you have never shown any intrest towards this woman in the whole time you were an aquaintence with her other than casual flirting, whom won’t let you leave for the next two days, and you finally just walk home to escape and so she won’t know where you live. Other than that it was a nice weekend 🙂 Does this thread remind anyone else of the cheesy Love is comic strip, but the opposite? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/29 "2002-08-02T16:28:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Edward The Head \* > \*\* : > limiting yourself a bit aren’t you? what about 5-6+, and no I’m not just talking about flip stroke, flip stroke. [ \*\* Well of course I meant 2-3 positions per orgasm, not per session. 🙂 I don’t understand people who won’t talk about likes and dislikes when it comes to sex. Like for example, if it turns you to jelly when someone licks your neck in long smooth breathy strokes from the collarbone to the ear while pausing for a little nibble here and there, why would you just sit there hoping your lover accidently stumbles on it by accident? Now while I think it would be extremely rude to coach and dictate every move during the act like some kind of director. [sub] “for god’s sake what is it going to take to make you do …” or “no that’s not it, I want you to lick there while you place your fingers here and there” or “speed it up already”[/sub], soft words of encouragement or gently directing his hand here or there are perfectly Ok. [sub] yes, I like that there, mmm that’s nice[/sub] It goes without saying that if a woman is screaming “Oh God yes, Don’t stop” then please don’t stop. Unless maybe she’s tied to the bed and you want to be particularly cruel 😉 I think the time to give gentle points on how to perfect a technique is right after lovemaking when you are both satisfied. And the best time to discuss new things is before you get in the bed not after, especially if it is something slightly kinky or deviant. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/30 "2002-08-02T17:01:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > Well of course I meant 2-3 positions per orgasm, not per session. 🙂 Oh ok, I get it now, that’s much better. > [@](#): > > Like for example, if it turns you to jelly when someone licks your neck in long smooth breathy strokes from the collarbone to the ear while pausing for a little nibble here and there Gee thanks now you got my leg all kickin’ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/31 "2002-08-02T18:58:33Z")
I always thought the hard part about giving tips while the act is in progress is that I’m usually waaaaay too far gone to be able to form coherent sentences. Anyone have a good way around that, preferably one which is a bit subtler than grabbing whichever part of his anatomy is in question and directing it toward whichever part of my anatomy I feel needs more attention? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/32 "2002-08-02T20:21:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lenny & Carl \* > \*\*I mean, is it being with someone who just lays there and doesn’t move? > \*\* Not if you are into necro. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/33 "2002-08-02T20:52:20Z")
I dunno, I never had bad sex. You may want to ask my partners though. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2002, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/34 "2002-08-02T22:44:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eva Luna \* > \*\*Anyone have a good way around that, preferably one which is a bit subtler than grabbing whichever part of his anatomy is in question and directing it toward whichever part of my anatomy I feel needs more attention? \*\* Nah, that usually does it nicely. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/35 "2002-08-03T00:45:07Z")
Bad sex is any time when I gave up in disgust midway through. Considering the people I’ve been able to finish with, that’s pretty bad. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/36 "2002-08-03T06:12:24Z")
Bad sex is when your having trouble cuz it’s way too hot… that was solved by moving to the balcony though where there was a nice cool breeze 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BeatenMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ab097/32.png) [@BeatenMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeatenMan)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2002, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714/37 "2002-08-03T12:42:48Z")
For me bad sex was having to look down because I still could feel cold air. A pail would have been a tighter fit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-exactly-is-bad-sex/121714.md?page=1)