# What fetishes don't work well in real life? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 25, 2021, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857 "2021-05-25T07:13:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/61 "2021-05-26T19:44:28Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > don’t know where or whether _Beat Me in St. Louis_ is still held. But I bet Google does. 😉 Just in time! It’s not too late to get tickets for this year. # Beat Me in St Louis - XXIII ### A 3-Day BDSM Event, Educational Seminar & Play Party ### Friday July 9th through Sunday 11th, 2021 ## Tickets go on sale May 13th, 8:00PM ## Premier Hotel Guest rooms at the Event Hotel feature Ultra-Comfort™ beds, cable television, free WiFi, iron & ironing board, hair dryer, coffee maker, daily maid service and much more. All rooms also have microwave & refrigerators. Also available is a well-equipped exercise room and an indoor heated swimming pool. ## Food Options The hotel Café & Tavern also offers a wide variety of standard American cuisine menu items and breakfast, lunch, and dinner buffets. Many local restaurants can be found within a 5 minute drive of the venue. ## Kinky Shopping Shop till you drop in the Kinky Shopping Mall! Vendors include floggers, whips, paddles, canes, fetish clothing, shoes, jewelry, leather and much more. Participate in our silent auction, the proceeds of which are donated to local charities All from their site on, you guessed it, google. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/62 "2021-05-26T20:10:52Z")
Too late on the edit: Hopefully, my last word on furries. If almost 90% of furries are male, with 20% of those males being gay, life must be either heaven or hell for females. If you are lesbian, very little choice in partners. If you are straight, you are going to be hit on way more than straight women in the general public are. Not to mention all those males that are never going to be able to hook up just because of the huge number disparity. Makes me wonder how large the incel population is among furries. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/63 "2021-05-26T20:44:34Z")
I wondered who’d take the bait. 🙂 > [@BippityBoppityBoo](#): > > Just in time! It’s not too late to get tickets for this year. That vague excerpt left me curious where they were actually holding the event. So I hit their actual website to hunt that down. Interestingly, that wasn’t **BBB** mucking up her citing. Their website carefully does not reveal the name of the venue hotel. They do say all the rooms are already booked at the main venue, but they have discount arrangements with other nearby hotels. The pix of the hotel are certainly nicer than the dump they used in the old days. ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/64 "2021-05-26T21:09:43Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Speaking for myself - no. Manga doesn’t register as realistic to me. Obviously many people’s mileage varies. Interesting. > [@mordecaiB](#): > > Hopefully, my last word on furries. If almost 90% of furries are male, with 20% of those males being gay, life must be either heaven or hell for females. If you are lesbian, very little choice in partners. If you are straight, you are going to be hit on way more than straight women in the general public are. Not to mention all those males that are never going to be able to hook up just because of the huge number disparity. Makes me wonder how large the incel population is among furries. It’s more like 95% are male, but 90% of those are gay or bi, so it all works out. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/65 "2021-05-26T21:12:37Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > Furries at a con is not a fetish, it’s cosplaying. For some, that’s just drawn-out foreplay. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/66 "2021-05-26T21:25:08Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > For some, that’s just drawn-out foreplay. I know what I’m about to say isn’t strictly a fetish either, but con as drawn out foreplay applies to lots more than furries. I’ve also had the pleasure of staying at hotels hosting comic cons or fantasy cons or SF cons. Lots of Wonderwomen and Flash running around. Or Klingons and Storm Troopers. Or wizards and witches and damsels … Oh My! From the looks on the faces of a lot of the participants, this was _the_ big chance to get laid that year. Totally one of those “The goods are odd but the odds are good!” scenarios. As long as everyones’ oddities fit together like … well … you know, who am I to judge? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/67 "2021-05-26T21:56:24Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > They do say all the rooms are already booked at the main venue Well that sucks, who wants to stay at a second class hotel for such a prestigious event. Plus Evil Laugh Guy will be there. I totally missed out. Hi, @BippityBoppityBoo I asked in ATMB and didn’t get an answer, can I ask how you posted the Beat Me info so it has the link icons when you hover over the beginning of each paragraph? The one poster that answer said all he does is copy/paste. Is that what you did? > [@DemonTree](#): > > It’s more like 95% are male, but 90% of those are gay or bi, so it all works out. The numbers are all over the place, depending where you look. I’d still be surprised if het males aren’t a majority. > [@MrDibble](#): > > For some, that’s just drawn-out foreplay. Who has that much time for that? I have other things to do, you know. Wash the car, walk the dog. No, those aren’t euphemisms. Maybe have your partner do the foreplay/cosplay on their own and I could just show up for the sex part. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > From the looks on the faces of a lot of the participants, this was _the_ big chance to get laid that year. Totally one of those “The goods are odd but the odds are good!” scenarios. The ones that look good in costume have good odds, the forty year old 300 pound bald guy in a form fitting Superman outfit, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/68 "2021-05-26T22:23:51Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > The numbers are all over the place, depending where you look. I’d still be surprised if het males aren’t a majority. I found a survey; it’s a bit old and heavily leans towards US furries, but it shows 25% of male furries are exclusively heterosexual, male furries are more than twice as likely to be single as female furries, and only 10-15% of those surveyed own a fursuit. [https://furscience.com/research-findings/appendix-1-previous-research/international-summer-2011/](https://furscience.com/research-findings/appendix-1-previous-research/international-summer-2011/) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/69 "2021-05-26T22:26:04Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > The ones that look good in costume have good odds, the forty year old 300 pound bald guy in a form fitting Superman outfit, not so much. The 300# Tinkerbell with cleavage larger than my whole chest would beg to differ. 😉 > [@mordecaiB](#): > > Hi, @BippityBoppityBoo I asked in ATMB and didn’t get an answer, can I ask how you posted the Beat Me info so it has the link icons when you hover over the beginning of each paragraph? The one poster that answer said all he does is copy/paste. Is that what you did? Those mouseover chain-link icons that appear next to the bolded headings are NOT links to wherever she found that stuff. Those, like the chain-link icon at the bottom right of every post, are something you can click to create a URL pointing to that heading. They are automatically created by Discourse when you use the heading format feature. Much like on a wiki article there’s a url that takes you directly to each sub-entry within the article. You do headings using the # sign at the start of a line: # This is a top level heading with 1 #-sign on the front. ## This is a second level heading with 2 #-signs on the front. ### This is a third level heading with 3 #-signs on the front. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/70 "2021-05-26T22:26:49Z")
And now in some other post I can refer directly to that third-level heading in my earlier post like this: [What fetishes don't work well in real life? - #69 by LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/69#this-is-a-third-level-heading-with-3-signs-on-the-front-3) So when you click that you jump directly to that heading within my post. Which would be useful for long-winded guys like me whose posts need chapter markers to separate the parts. As to the other guy in ATMB, often when content is pasted from a newspaper site or some such, it contains a similar idea of headlines and sub heads and sub-sub heads and body text. When you paste that content with embedded HTML into Discourse, Discourse will massage the stuff it recognizes into its formatting codes and discard the rest. Which often results in something like my example above or what **BBB** posted from the site she found. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/71 "2021-05-26T22:30:18Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > The one poster that answer said all he does is copy/paste. Is that what you did? Sorry, I didn’t notice your question in ATMB. I’m tech daft, coming to this game at an advanced age and with no experience, training or education in computing. That said, I’m working within iOS on a touchscreen (duh) iPad Pro purchased in 2017. What I did was copy and paste from the web site I found through googling. I am sure there is a much more adept, technologically apt way to do that but I don’t know it-yet. I’m trying to learn the wonders and way of message boarding-slow but sure. I know and can do a hell of more than I could less than a year ago when I joined da Dope. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/72 "2021-05-26T22:39:29Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > The 300# Tinkerbell with cleavage larger than my whole chest would beg to differ That’s a whole nother fetish there! > [@LSLGuy](#): > > Those, like the chain-link icon at the bottom right of every post, are something you can click to create a URL pointing to that heading. They are automatically created by Discourse when you use the heading format feature. Much like on a wiki article there’s a url that takes you directly to each sub-entry within the article. > > You do headings using the # sign at the start of a line: You may have to dumb this down for me or I need to do a post to the test thread. Wait, I think I got it from your second post. I was confused on them because clicking on the link icon didn’t actually take me to a different place like I was expecting it to. I originally thought it had something to do with the share buttons for Facebook, Twitter etc. Thanks! I owe you one. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2021, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/73 "2021-05-26T22:41:17Z")
Yeah, my first post is the set-up. The second is the punch line. Can’t really explain it any other way. Glad it makes sense now. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/74 "2021-05-27T01:42:28Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > There are people who ask their (adult, consensual) partner to wear a diaper and pretend to be a baby. I think that counts as a fetish. I gather it’s a moderately common fetish, even. > 🤷‍♂️ > > And… like women who like to play out fake rape fantasies in which they are actually in control, I doubt the diaper-loving-guys actually want to have sex with real babies. They want a fantasy version where no one gets hurt and all the parties have agency. Speaking as an ABDL (“Adult Baby/Diaper Lover”), it’s got aspects in common with BDSM, in that there are people who want to be babied (submissive) and people who want to be a mommy/daddy (dominant), and there are “switches”, i.e. people who are comfortable participating in either role. The nature of the interaction can range from heavy-duty bondage/discipline/humiliation on one end of the spectrum (with diapers and other accessories serving as markers of subservience/submission, similar to a chastity belt or slave collar for BDSM folks), to the kind of loving and nurturing a parent might give an actual child (with diapers and other accessories serving as cues to help the wearer transition into their “little” headspace). And no, participants don’t want to involve little kids, just as practitioners of BDSM don’t want to kidnap and tie up random passers-by. In fact, most submissive ABDLs probably fantasize about _being_ the baby, not interacting with one. > [@DemonTree](#): > > AFAIK the great majority of people with this fetish want to wear the diapers themselves. I think you’re right about that. To the extent that ABDLs want their partner to diaper up, it might suggest that they are “switches”, or that they just want their partner to participate in the fetish in whatever way that partner is willing. If a partner isn’t willing to participate as a mommy/daddy, then having them participate as a “playmate” (not the Playboy kind) is better than nothing and at least connotes some kind of acceptance of the ABDL fetish. As far as what does and doesn’t work well in real life, there’s some of both. In the plus column, there’s been a massive increase in commercially available products in the past 10-15 years. There was a time when plain adult diapers for incontinence were all you could find, but lately if you google (or google-images) “ABDL diapers”, you’ll find a huge marketplace of vendors offering diapers with all kinds of juvenile prints and a range of sizes suitable for adults. Likewise with “ABDL clothing” and other accessories, like pacifiers. This has been great. What doesn’t work well? For heterosexual male submissive ABDLs, fantasies sometimes veer toward being physically controlled by a dominant female. That’s hard to achieve unless you’re an extraordinarily small/weak man interacting with an extraordinarily large/strong woman. Erotic humiliation is potent fantasy material for many ABDLs. This includes things like being seen wearing ABDL clothes, or being forced to conspicuously wear/use a diaper, especially in public. That can’t really be done in real life unless you’re willing to unethically involve nonconsenting third parties in your scene. For ABDLs, simply finding a romantic partner who is OK with them having this fetish can be challenging. Standard BDSM shows up in pop culture on a regular basis, but most folks (especially when I was a young adult) have never even heard of ABDL. If you do happen to find a partner who is OK with what you are, convincing them to participate can be challenging. A lot of folks are too weirded-out by the idea of wearing a diaper, or grossed out by the idea or act of using them (or being with someone who uses them) for their intended purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/75 "2021-05-27T02:49:37Z")
I do not have any bona fide fetishes. But I am kind of amused by the BDSM convention advertising UltraComfort ™ beds. Because, of course. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/76 "2021-05-27T06:16:46Z")
@Machine_Elf , thanks for the great post. That’s a lot of first hand info. To me, this fetish seemed totally workable in real life, once you could find a partner. The essentials seems like they would be easy to come by and a place to do your thing should be easy. I didn’t know there was a public aspect to this but I should have known there would be. Any kind of humiliation fetish will always have a subset that like the public aspect. A question, if you don’t mind. Pre easy access to adult sized diapers, was it more likely to make do with undersized disposable diapers or would people use cloth ones? Cloth seems much easier to be adaptable size wise. > [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > But I am kind of amused by the BDSM convention advertising UltraComfort ™ beds. Because, of course. Hey, you try being whipped/whipping someone for a few hours. That’s a lot of sore muscles. You’d want a comfortable bed too. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/77 "2021-05-27T06:35:33Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > lately if you google (or google-images) “ABDL diapers”, you’ll find a huge marketplace of vendors offering diapers with all kinds of juvenile prints and a range of sizes suitable for adults. Likewise with “ABDL clothing” and other accessories, like pacifiers. Our human mercantile instinct never fails 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/78 "2021-05-27T06:44:18Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Our human mercantile instinct never fails 🙂 No matter how small the niche you belong to is, it’s a million(s) dollar market to someone. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/79 "2021-05-27T07:47:12Z")
> [@Bootb](#): > > I guess this is some sort of pet fetish–I have no idea what the “official” name would be. But it typically doesn’t work out well. > > [Boyfriend walks girlfriend on a leash in grocery store | Daily Mail Online](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4595946/Boyfriend-walks-girlfriend-leash-grocery-store.html) I believe that’s usually more a BDSM thing, being light bondage and submissive, possibly with a bit of humiliation mixed in. When Shades of Gray came out, there was all this talk online about how it was a bad representation of BDSM, and I wound up reading a bunch of articles and watching explainer videos. There was talk of stuff like sub collars, which were worn to say you were someone’s sub. And there was also talk of more “lifestyle” BDSM, where you get into “contracts” and take it out of the bedroom to some degree. That’s not to say pet fetish things don’t exist, but, if the videos I’ve been recommended are right, there’s a lot more roleplay involved. No fur suits, but I did see tails and ears and face paint. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/80 "2021-05-27T07:56:14Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I believe that’s usually more a BDSM thing, being light bondage and submissive, possibly with a bit of humiliation mixed in Yes, just a BDSM subset. I suspect the humiliation is a big part of this, hence the public display, maybe a little of a punishment for misbehaving at home. As long as they are properly clothed, this would be totally legal. The public reaction would just add to the game for them. I don’t think this falls into onlookers being unwilling participants, although some people may. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857.md?page=5)