# What fetishes don't work well in real life? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 25, 2021, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857 "2021-05-25T07:13:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/81 "2021-05-27T10:02:31Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > But BDSM is really easy to do in real life, no reason it shouldn’t work for anybody that’s into it. A woman I knew who was into S&M pretty heavily had problems when she needed medical care. Getting her eyebrow stitched up, for instance, meant dealing with doctors, social workers, nurses, wanting to help with her situation. Meanwhile she wanted/needed nothing. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/82 "2021-05-27T19:26:28Z")
Replacing your hands with [DORRANCE #5X _STAINLESS_ STEEL _HOOKS_](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-somewhat-disturbing-link/58856/3) ---
**Author:** ![FlikTheBlue](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fliktheblue/32/10972_2.png) [@FlikTheBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlikTheBlue)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/83 "2021-05-27T19:45:13Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Then there are fetishes that work great in real life. > > For special occasions my gf buys shoes from a crazy high end shoe store, where a tiny shoe with a wisp of a strap costs $300. The owner of the store has a foot fetish. Everyone who shops there knows about it. He loves his work and his customers seem to appreciate the care he takes in fitting shoes. I was at the halfway point of your post and started thinking it was going to be about financial S&M, where one partner gets off on the other partner overspending their money on things like expensive shoes. Depending on the persons wealth, that can either work or not work in real life. ---
**Author:** ![FlikTheBlue](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fliktheblue/32/10972_2.png) [@FlikTheBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlikTheBlue)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/84 "2021-05-27T19:49:54Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > I’m thinking that a shoe fetish isn’t really workable. You either have to steal them, which is very hard to do because women generally walk around with their shoes on their feet, or you have to go out and buy them. Besides being expensive, you’d have to go into a women’s shoe store and buy them yourself. What guy buys women’s shoes without a woman with him? You’ve pretty much outed yourself to everyone around you. Al Bundy would disagree 😜 ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/85 "2021-05-27T20:32:32Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Replacing your hands with [DORRANCE #5X _STAINLESS_ STEEL _HOOKS_](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-somewhat-disturbing-link/58856/3) That’s a blast from the past. I’m not sure, since all the links seem dead, but I don’t think the girl that wanted her arms cut off wanted them off for sexual reasons. She felt they didn’t belong there. However, there are people that are specifically attracted to amputees. That is probably a difficult one to accomplish in real life. First you have to meet a bunch of amputees, then you need to find one that is missing the limb that you desire to be missing. If you only like Pacific Islanders that have had their left leg amputated below the knee, your odds of success are pretty low. > [@FlikTheBlue](#): > > I was at the halfway point of your post and started thinking it was going to be about financial S&M, where one partner gets off on the other partner overspending their money on things like expensive shoes. Depending on the persons wealth, that can either work or not work in real life. That’s a new one on me. Another example of it takes all kinds. Is there a sliding scale involved in this? Like I buy a girl some sandals and I get a hand job. I buy her 8" stiletto heels with the red sole that’s made out of pterodactyl skin I get a whole night where anything goes? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/86 "2021-05-27T22:38:19Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > That’s a new one on me. Another example of it takes all kinds. Is there a sliding scale involved in this? Like I buy a girl some sandals and I get a hand job. I buy her 8" stiletto heels with the red sole that’s made out of pterodactyl skin I get a whole night where anything goes? The version I’m most familiar with is just more a camgirl thing. It’s not a trade or anything: that’s just prostitution, which isn’t really a fetish. It’s more a type of dominance, of doing things for their princess. There was even one article I read about where they would give her access to their bank account or remote access to their computer. Such has also led to people being quite concerned that these people being exploited, thinking there would be no way someone would willingly do this unless she was manipulating them in some way. And, yes, I did keep this gendered, as everything I’ve seen always has the financial dominant be female, and the financial submissive be male. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/87 "2021-05-27T23:00:35Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The version I’m most familiar with is just more a camgirl thing. It’s not a trade or anything: that’s just prostitution, which isn’t really a fetish. It’s more a type of dominance, of doing things for their princess Ok, I think I got you. Are you talking about where they never meet in person, just online stuff? I have read about that, but that sounds even weirder than doing it in person. And you can find a lot of weird camgirl stuff where they never meet their customers. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2021, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/88 "2021-05-27T23:27:17Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > A woman I knew who was into S&M pretty heavily had problems when she needed medical care. Getting her eyebrow stitched up, for instance, meant dealing with doctors, social workers, nurses, wanting to help with her situation. Meanwhile she wanted/needed nothing. But this is an issue even vanilla\* people sometimes have. When I had seriously cut my hand with the lid of a cat food can, I had to speak with the same doctors, nurses and social workers. When one of them asked me whether I ever wanted to hurt anyone, I answered, “Only politicians.” \*I’m not saying my sex life is totally vanilla; it just that this particular injury didn’t occur in our dungeon. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/89 "2021-05-28T01:23:56Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > A question, if you don’t mind. Pre easy access to adult sized diapers, was it more likely to make do with undersized disposable diapers or would people use cloth ones? Cloth seems much easier to be adaptable size wise. These days, with pretty much anything available for purchase, it comes down to preference and it often relates to what the fetishist grew up with and/or what particular thing their brain got attached to early on. There is a forum for this kind of stuff called ADISC, and from discussions there it seems older folks tend to fetishize cloth diapers and plastic pants, and younger folks are all about disposables – and some of the youngest folks (late teens, early 20s) have a fascination with disposable pull-ups. One young woman there wrote about early childhood memories in which she was wearing just a pull-up and a t-shirt and being carried by her dad, and her fetish seemed to be about recreating that care-free, cared-for feeling she remembered experiencing at the time. Although I grew up with cloth diapers, somehow my brain latched onto disposables; mentally, they were somehow much more strongly “diapers, not underwear”. These were thoughts that existed as far back as my toddler days, but it wasn’t until puberty that I started thinking about them in a sexual way. As a teenager in early high school, I occasionally bought disposable baby diapers (the largest size I could find) and just slid them inside my underwear; it was basically the best I could do at the time. Before the end of high school, June Allyson was shilling for Depends and you could find their products in drugstores, so I endured an extremely harrowing in-person purchase process – including a classic over-the-PA price check by a lovely young female cashier barely older than I, followed by a long, intensely embarrassing wait for a response – and shortly after returning home I was in heaven. > [@MrDibble](#): > > Our human mercantile instinct never fails 🙂 Fetishes have always been around, but it took the internet to reach geographically isolated practitioners and integrate them into one integrated marketplace big enough to support such business ventures. On top of that, the internet also enables the faceless, voiceless (i.e. comfortably anonymous) sales transactions that are so important to most of the customer base. > [@running\_coach](#): > > Are shoes with laces a form of bondage? Debatable, since the laces would be accessible to the wearer. You can however buy “shoe locks”, which typically involve a padlocked cuff around the ankle and a strap under the arch of the foot/shoe to prevent the wearer from removing the shoe. Useful in scenarios involving forced feminization/sissification. > [@Jasmine](#): > > I’m thinking that a shoe fetish isn’t really workable. You either have to steal them, which is very hard to do because women generally walk around with their shoes on their feet, or you have to go out and buy them. Besides being expensive, you’d have to go into a women’s shoe store and buy them yourself. What guy buys women’s shoes without a woman with him? You’ve pretty much outed yourself to everyone around you. Just like ABDL diapers, you can buy these kinds of things on the internet these days, and there are even vendors that offer female-styled shoes in typically male sizes. As far as cost goes, “expensive” is up to the customer. Some folks sink thousands of dollars into BDSM gear, such is their passion. I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on motorcycles and related gear over the years, so who am I to judge what is too expensive in the pursuit of happiness? > [@mordecaiB](#): > > > [@Miller](#): > > > > The worst thing a shoe fetishist in SF is going to be called is “vanilla.” > > I do think you need a better descriptor than vanilla. “Vanilla” is a common slang descriptor in sexuality for plain/uncomplicated/run-of-the-mill (as opposed to exotic). Point being that if someone in SF outs themselves as a shoe fetishist, the people around them will be indifferent. > [@mordecaiB](#): > > Yes, just a BDSM subset. I suspect the humiliation is a big part of this, hence the public display, maybe a little of a punishment for misbehaving at home. As long as they are properly clothed, this would be totally legal. The public reaction would just add to the game for them. I don’t think this falls into onlookers being unwilling participants, although some people may. It can be challenging to draw a bright red line between what is OK/not OK behavior in public settings. Legally acceptable behavior and dress that is considered socially acceptable at the Folsom Street Fair (NSFW link here with space inserted for two-click rule: [Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/) Folsom\_Street\_Fair) will probably get you kicked out of your local retail mall for making everyone around you uncomfortable. > **[Staten Island man photographed walking fiancée in mall on leash explains...](https://www.nydailynews.com/2015/05/24/staten-island-man-photographed-walking-fiance-in-mall-on-leash-explains-puppy-play-lifestyle/)** > > And they called it puppy love … An engaged Staten Island couple that caused an Internet firestorm after pictures of the man walking his fiancée through the Staten Island Mall on a leas… > [@kayaker](#): > > A woman I knew who was into S&M pretty heavily had problems when she needed medical care. Getting her eyebrow stitched up, for instance, meant dealing with doctors, social workers, nurses, wanting to help with her situation. Meanwhile she wanted/needed nothing. Seems like a thing medical folks ought to be educated about. Also, it sounds like the S&M itself isn’t the main problem here – it’s the stigma that makes it difficult to have productive conversations with health care providers when you’re trying to convince them that your injuries are not due domestic abuse ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/90 "2021-05-28T05:36:22Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > “Vanilla” is a common slang descriptor in sexuality for plain/uncomplicated/run-of-the-mill (as opposed to exotic). Point being that if someone in SF outs themselves as a shoe fetishist, the people around them will be indifferent. Yep, I was just joking on my “different flavors” line. Foot/shoe fetishes are so mainstream I think you would have to live in Mayberry to actually shock someone. Thanks for taking the time to reply, it was very informative about a fetish few people have direct knowledge of. Sorry to chuckle, but the price check story is great. It’s one of those where everyone thinks “this could never happen to me” stories. Until it does. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/91 "2021-05-28T06:06:18Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > > [@kayaker](#): > > > > A woman I knew who was into S&M pretty heavily had problems when she needed medical care. Getting her eyebrow stitched up, for instance, meant dealing with doctors, social workers, nurses, wanting to help with her situation. Meanwhile she wanted/needed nothing. > > But this is an issue even vanilla\* people sometimes have. When I had seriously cut my hand with the lid of a cat food can, I had to speak with the same doctors, nurses and social workers. When one of them asked me whether I ever wanted to hurt anyone, I answered, “Only politicians In 2019, we adopted a 8 month old puppy who had really long nails, like they had never been cut. Of course, I had to get down on the floor to play/wrestle with her, resulting in some huge scratches across both forearms. So, I go for my yearly physical, my doc walks in the room and sees 15 or 20 wounds on my arms and says “somebody got a new cat.” I explained it was a dog and she laughed and said to use neosporin on them. That was it. When I see the nurse beforehand, when they ask you the list of questions, they always ask if I feel safe at home. That threw me the first time because I wasn’t sure what they meant, like if I was worried about falling down and breaking my hip, but I was in my forties at the time. When I asked her about it, she explained it was a chance for people to report domestic abuse. I don’t know if it’s effective but at least they are trying. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/92 "2021-05-28T12:55:17Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > However, there are people that are specifically attracted to amputees. That is probably a difficult one to accomplish in real life. First you have to meet a bunch of amputees, then you need to find one that is missing the limb that you desire to be missing. If you only like Pacific Islanders that have had their left leg amputated below the knee, your odds of success are pretty low. I got a message on my OKCupid profile once from an amputee fetishist in Germany. I tried to let him down easy. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/93 "2021-05-28T13:21:45Z")
> [@Bootb](#): > > I guess this is some sort of pet fetish–I have no idea what the “official” name would be. But it typically doesn’t work out well. That’d be “puppy play”. There’s a related thing called “pony play”, in which participants enjoy being treated like horses. Bridles, reins, hoof-shaped boots, various other decorations, made to pull a carriage, and so on. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/94 "2021-05-28T15:14:03Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > When I see the nurse beforehand, when they ask you the list of questions, they always ask if I feel safe at home. That threw me the first time because I wasn’t sure what they meant, like if I was worried about falling down and breaking my hip, but I was in my forties at the time. When I asked her about it, she explained it was a chance for people to report domestic abuse. I don’t know if it’s effective but at least they are trying. Earlier this year we had quite the thread on the perceived appropriateness / inappropriateness of medics asking those “are you safe?” questions: > [@Are Doctors still asking odd (to me) questions?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-doctors-still-asking-odd-to-me-questions/933133): > > I haven’t been to a doctor in a long time and my gf has been getting on my case about it. The thing is, the last time I was at a doctor’s office I was offended/weirded out by the out-of-left-field questions they asked. The first was “do you have guns in your house” or something similar. I answered, “that’s none of your business”. Then it was “do you feel safe in your home?”. I lost it. I was there wanting to find out if my foot pain was caused by gout, which was what my googling had come up … With a large side order of gun debate. An interesting thread and not too testy. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/95 "2021-05-28T15:17:24Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I got a message on my OKCupid profile once from an amputee fetishist in Germany. I tried to let him down easy. It helps to be disarming. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/96 "2021-05-28T15:24:49Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > It would be hard to have a bee fetish. There are such things as human-sized inflatable bee dolls. ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/97 "2021-05-28T15:40:56Z")
> **[Watch Saturday Night Live Highlight: Peter Pan Bees - NBC.com](https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/peter-pan-bees/3004246)** > > Watch Saturday Night Live highlight 'Peter Pan Bees' on NBC.com ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/98 "2021-05-28T18:49:41Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I got a message on my OKCupid profile once from an amputee fetishist in Germany. I tried to let him down easy. Did he think you were an amputee? Or did he see your profile pic and think to himself " Wow, this guy is handsome. I wonder if he would cut of his arms for me?" > [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Bridles, reins, hoof-shaped boots, various other decorations, made to pull a carriage, and so on. This is one that would fit the don’t work well in real life fetishes, I think. Especially the carriage part. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > Earlier this year we had quite the thread on the perceived appropriateness / inappropriateness of medics asking those “are you safe?” questions: I remember that thread. To me, the are you safe question is no big deal. As for how effective it is, if they can help one person by asking 10,000 people. I’m for it. It’s a simple yes or no question, it’s not like they continue grilling you about it until they are sure you are telling the truth. > [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](#): > > It helps to be disarming. You, out of the thread!! > [@Skywatcher](#): > > There are such things as human-sized inflatable bee dolls. I was going to ask for a cite or google it myself, but I realized of course there are human sized inflatable bee dolls. [Rule #34](https://xkcd.com/305/) always wins. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/99 "2021-05-28T18:51:47Z")
> [@mordecaiB](#): > > I was going to ask for a cite or google it myself, but I realized of course there are human sized inflatable bee dolls. I purchased other things from a company that makes 'em. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2021, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857/100 "2021-05-28T19:20:44Z")
Human sized butterfly costumes? 🙂 Not that there’s anything wrong with that! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fetishes-dont-work-well-in-real-life/942857.md?page=6)