# What fictional characters would make great Dopers? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 26, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045 "2010-07-26T14:29:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/81 "2010-08-01T11:49:51Z")
> [@Stink Fish Pot](#): > > Phineas J. Whoopee Good choice for a Username. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/82 "2010-08-01T12:14:47Z")
Hannibal Lecter. Cafe Society. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/83 "2010-08-01T15:06:48Z")
Now that we have an Internet connection the boss has found it a wonder for research. Practically speaking, for me the only real change has been that instead of burying his head inside a book when he did not want to work or otherwise be disturbed, he would bury his head behind his terminal. Mostly he used the Internet for research, digging out information from the comfort of his favorite chair,which is the only way he could ever have been persuaded to do such a thing, given his tremendous laziness. Of course,the Web had its drawbacks. You can imagine the effect that the general level of literacy on the Web would have on a person who is outraged by the use of “contact” as a verb, and who might turn down a client who used “imply” and “infer” interchangeably. And of course, Wolfe was no fan of the Web’s propensity for naked women, understandable in that he did not care for them even when clothed. Wolfe also found kindred souls on the Net, a message board called Cafe Society full of food fanatics like himself. He was by turns outraged and entrhalled by the posts to be found there. I would hear him muttering about nincompoops who wasted almond butter in making ridiculous concoctions like almond butter and jam sandwiches, which he considered a disgusting thing to do, and I would hear him telling Fritz, “My researches have uncovered a shop on 14th Street where you can buy tarragon, dill and chervil growing in tiny planters!” I had on several occasions considered enrolling Wolfe in [Match.com](http://Match.com) just to watch the fireworks when the emails started to flood in, but I never did, and it was a good thing because this case started with what looked a lot like an email from a [Match.com](http://Match.com) customer … ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/84 "2010-08-01T15:08:49Z")
> [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > Now that we have an Internet connection the boss has found it a wonder for research. Practically speaking, for me the only real change has been that instead of burying his head inside a book when he did not want to work or otherwise be disturbed, he would bury his head behind his terminal. > > Mostly he used the Internet for research, digging out information from the comfort of his favorite chair,which is the only way he could ever have been persuaded to do such a thing, given his tremendous laziness. Of course,the Web had its drawbacks. You can imagine the effect that the general level of literacy on the Web would have on a person who is outraged by the use of “contact” as a verb, and who might turn down a client who used “imply” and “infer” interchangeably. And of course, Wolfe was no fan of the Web’s propensity for naked women, understandable in that he did not care for them even when clothed. > > Wolfe also found kindred souls on the Net, a message board called Cafe Society full of food fanatics like himself. He was by turns outraged and entrhalled by the posts to be found there. I would hear him muttering about nincompoops who wasted almond butter in making ridiculous concoctions like almond butter and jam sandwiches, which he considered a disgusting thing to do, and I would hear him telling Fritz, “My researches have uncovered a shop on 14th Street where you can buy tarragon, dill and chervil growing in tiny planters!” > > I had on several occasions considered enrolling Wolfe in [Match.com](http://Match.com) just to watch the fireworks when the emails started to flood in, but I never did, and it was a good thing because this case started with what looked a lot like an email from a [Match.com](http://Match.com) customer … :: applauds :: In recognition of the wonderfulness of this post, I have made a note that, when next I have the opportunity to betray you in furtherance of my evil plans, I will forebear. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/85 "2010-08-01T15:14:02Z")
:: joins the applause :: ---
**Author:** ![History\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b19c9b/32.png) [@History\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/History_Geek)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/86 "2010-08-01T16:08:58Z")
> [@zamboniracer](#): > > > [@Ranchoth](#): > > > > Peter Venkman, probably. > > Oh come on. Once Venkman (Bill Murray’s character from _Ghostbusters_ to those who don’t recognize the name) discovered internet porn do you really think he’s going to spend any time here on the Dope? 😃 Two words: tabbed browsing. Of course, you keep finding yourself logged out when you DO come back to post something… ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/87 "2010-08-02T12:19:35Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Now that you’ve said that, I’ll probably visualize **AClockworkMelon** as \*\*Bladezz \*\*from now on. You sure like associating me with other posters! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/88 "2010-08-02T14:37:01Z")
Ignatius J. Reilly from _A Confederacy of Dunces_. He’d be great in the Pit against certain posters with very high post counts… ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/89 "2010-08-02T15:30:33Z")
The Good Magician Humpfrey from the Xanth series. ---
**Author:** ![mkecane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@mkecane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mkecane)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/90 "2010-08-02T17:35:13Z")
Lisa Simpson would make a nice counter-balance to **Curtis LeMay** (I believe that’s the name of the kid who posts a lot in GD). ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045/91 "2010-08-02T18:00:56Z")
Lisa would be a bit shrill and self righteous at first, though. Can you imagine her early posts on going vegetarian? And you just know that the more carnivorous of us would have fun yanking her chain by mentioning all the meat they love to eat. And I’d _love_ to see the Pit thread where she pits Homer and talks about ruining his barbecue, and then finds herself skewered by the rest of the Dope. “Dude, seriously? You stole your dad’s pig and ruined everyone’s good time and we’re supposed to be pitting your family? Thanks for reinforcing the vegetarians as self centered asshole stereotype!” “Uh, you know she’s just a kid, right? She’ll get the hang of it eventually.” “Even eight is old enough to know that you don’t go around beating other people’s meat.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-characters-would-make-great-dopers/548045.md?page=4)