# What fictional lawyer do you want to represent you? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 7, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114 "2003-10-07T17:47:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/1 "2003-10-07T17:47:09Z")
If I ever kill someone (ahem, sorry, “allegedly” kill someone) I want Eugene from “the practice” Others? Would anyone take Tom Cruise from “a few good men?” ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/2 "2003-10-07T18:18:52Z")
Give me Perry Mason… there can be only one. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/3 "2003-10-07T18:32:24Z")
Lionel Hutz - if he wins the case, I get a smoking monkey toy! ---
**Author:** ![Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuji_Kitakyusho)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/4 "2003-10-07T18:35:33Z")
Jackie Chiles ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/5 "2003-10-07T18:40:21Z")
What?! No one votes for ATTICUS FINCH? ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/6 "2003-10-07T19:09:38Z")
> [@](#): > > What?! No one votes for ATTICUS FINCH? This is the justice system. I’ll take someone from Wolfram and Hart. They get results. ---
**Author:** ![AK-Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@AK-Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK-Dave)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/7 "2003-10-07T19:16:14Z")
Leonard “J.” Crabs ---
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/8 "2003-10-07T19:23:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fuji Kitakyusho \* > \*\*Jackie Chiles \*\* that would be outrageous. Egregious. Preposterous. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/9 "2003-10-07T19:30:51Z")
Monday’s Cafe Society thread of the same subject: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=215079](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=215079) ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/10 "2003-10-07T19:32:48Z")
And by “Monday” I of course mean “Friday”. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/11 "2003-10-07T19:59:27Z")
Perry Mason always seemed to find somebody else who did it and got them to confess. I’d have to go with Perry. Unless they’re naked. Then JAG’s Catherine Bell. ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/12 "2003-10-07T20:02:07Z")
Keenu Reeves from the devil’s advocate. Nothing like having the son of satan on your side to get you off the hook. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/13 "2003-10-07T20:05:34Z")
Johnathan Wilk, Orson Welles’ character from the amazingly excellent 1959 film _Compulsion_. Best closing arguments I’ve ever seen on film. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/14 "2003-10-07T21:26:46Z")
Don’t take Perry Mason; he always won because his clients were always innocent. Me, I’ll take Daniel Webster. The fictional one, not the real one. Beat the best lawyer of all time with the jury stacked against him. ---
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/15 "2003-10-07T21:36:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Munch \* > \*\*Monday’s Cafe Society thread of the same subject: > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=215079](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=215079) \*\* Crap! And now I can’t rule out that maybe I saw it in passing and that’s where I got the idea.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/16 "2003-10-07T21:41:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Johnathan Wilk, Orson Welles’ character from the amazingly excellent 1959 film _Compulsion_. Best closing arguments I’ve ever seen on film. \*\* Edited down from the eleven-hour version in the [“original script,”](http://www.inficad.com/~ksup/darrow.html) they still rock. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/17 "2003-10-08T15:17:00Z")
My cousin Vinny ---
**Author:** ![Stage\_Manager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stage_manager/32/7267_2.png) [@Stage\_Manager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stage_Manager)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/18 "2003-10-08T16:22:39Z")
Ben Matlock. Yes. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-lawyer-do-you-want-to-represent-you/206114/19 "2003-10-08T22:09:05Z")
[Rumpole of the Bailey](http://www.law4u.com.au/lil/tv_rumpole.html), who else? 🙂