# What fictional spacecraft could conquer the Earth all by their lonesome. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837 "2010-10-11T23:25:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/21 "2010-10-12T00:55:03Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Any Shadow or Vorlon vessel. Any of the ancient races ships. Probably any Whitestar. Possibly any Minbari cruiser. Dunno about the Narn or Centauri ships–they lagged in tech behind the Minbari, I think. > > Any of the really big Berserker ships could do it. That’s what they were designed for. > > That weird thing that ate Captain Pike–which according to one of the novels, was an anti-borg weapon designed by Guinan’s race, I think…but I was rarely sober the semester I read that instead of studying. I don’t think it was Captain Pike. It was Commodore Decker. No question that any Vorlon or Shadow vessel could do it – again, over breakfast. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/22 "2010-10-12T01:03:54Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Obviously _Serenity_ couldn’t have a chance of conquering even NEBRASKA. Just as obviously, the Death Star could do it over lunch. The Death Star seemed kinda limited to obliterating planets. The Empire was oddly dependent on ground assaults when it came to actual conquering, so I think we’d have a better chance then you think. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/23 "2010-10-12T01:06:10Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > Obviously _Serenity_ couldn’t have a chance of conquering even NEBRASKA. Just as obviously, the Death Star could do it over lunch. > > The Death Star seemed kinda limited to obliterating planets. The Empire was oddly dependent on ground assaults when it came to actual conquering, so I think we’d have a better chance then you think. I don’t think the Death Star was LIMITED to planets. Just that the Empire was run by bastards. If they’d wanted to destroy a single continent – the equivalent of Australia – they could’ve. My cite is information drawn directly from my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/24 "2010-10-12T01:08:01Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > Obviously _Serenity_ couldn’t have a chance of conquering even NEBRASKA. Just as obviously, the Death Star could do it over lunch. > > The Death Star seemed kinda limited to obliterating planets. The Empire was oddly dependent on ground assaults when it came to actual conquering, so I think we’d have a better chance then you think. It did have lower power blasts it could do fairly rapidly. I’m sure it wasn’t using planet-blaster mode when it was lighting up all those Mon-Calimari vessels in ROTJ. And if worse came to worse, they could land and roll around crushing all that stand against them. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/25 "2010-10-12T01:09:29Z")
> [@](#): > > My turn: how about the Post-Dated Check Loan from Schlock Mercenary? Or any of the battleplates? (The Serial Peacemaker is probably too small for anti-planet activities.) Ennesby could conquer the planet all by his lonesome, as could probably any other single member of Tagon’s Toughs. We have no terraport defenses, remember. It might take a while, but what can you do against someone who can instantaneously appear anywhere on the planet’s surface, or anywhere else in the Galaxy, and who wields weapons powered by total conversion of any available mass including air? ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/26 "2010-10-12T01:12:38Z")
> [@SCSimmons](#): > > Getting shot down isn’t an issue; releasing that rock, aimed in the correct general direction, anywhere inside Luna’s orbit will strike the Earth somewhere. That’s not so. Yes, the Earth is at the bottom of a gravity well, but still, it’s a very small target compared to the lunar orbit. If ‘Serenity’ is in a stable Earth orbit when she releases the rock, the rock will continue in a stable Earth orbit. If she’s in a hyberbolic orbit that would closely approach the Earth and then leave for parts unknown in the solar system, that would apply too. On the other hand, if Serenity is approaching the Earth _without angular momentum_ and passes the lunar orbit, then yes, you could release the rock, make a significant course change, and be reasonably sure that you’d get an impact. (It would be harder to be so sure about what point on the surface would be ground zero, as far as I can tell.) ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/27 "2010-10-12T01:17:11Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > > [@Simplicio](#): > > > > The Death Star seemed kinda limited to obliterating planets. The Empire was oddly dependent on ground assaults when it came to actual conquering, so I think we’d have a better chance then you think. > > It did have lower power blasts it could do fairly rapidly. I’m sure it wasn’t using planet-blaster mode when it was lighting up all those Mon-Calimari vessels in ROTJ. Why are you supplying actual FACTS? I SAID my citation was ass-derived, damn it! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/28 "2010-10-12T01:19:20Z")
Most _Warhammer 40,000_/_Battlefleet Gothic_ capital ships could do it, by wiping out all life on the Earth’s surface. The Planet Killer takes it one step further, and is capable of destroying Earth itself. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/29 "2010-10-12T01:21:40Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > Most _Warhammer 40,000_/_Battlefleet Gothic_ capital ships could do it, by wiping out all life on the Earth’s surface. The Planet Killer takes it one step further, and is capable of destroying Earth itself. Wiping out all life on Earth’s surface is not conquering the Earth. Conquering the Earth of necessity involves a lot of property damage, true, but you also have to enslave the men, stampede the women, and rape the cattle. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/30 "2010-10-12T01:34:03Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Simplicio](#): > > > > The Death Star seemed kinda limited to obliterating planets. The Empire was oddly dependent on ground assaults when it came to actual conquering, so I think we’d have a better chance then you think. > > I don’t think the Death Star was LIMITED to planets. Just that the Empire was run by bastards. If they’d wanted to destroy a single continent – the equivalent of Australia – they could’ve. > > My cite is information drawn directly from my ass. Plus, they have plenty of demonstration targets available, easily visible to our telescopes, within our solar system. A test shot at Mars, expanding the asteroid belt, would probably do wonders for our attitude. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/31 "2010-10-12T01:44:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Grumman](#): > > > > Most _Warhammer 40,000_/_Battlefleet Gothic_ capital ships could do it, by wiping out all life on the Earth’s surface. The Planet Killer takes it one step further, and is capable of destroying Earth itself. > > Wiping out all life on Earth’s surface is not conquering the Earth. Conquering the Earth of necessity involves a lot of property damage, true, but you also have to enslave the men, stampede the women, and rape the cattle. See, that’s the part that ain’t gonna work out so well for ET. As long as they nuke us from orbit, where we can’t get to them, they can abuse us at will. If they come down to the surface with hostile intent, they’ll have to fight us. Maybe they’ll win, maybe not. But they will know they’ve been in a fight. And when they finally get me, I’ll be bringing the boys from Valhalla back with me for round 2… ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/32 "2010-10-12T01:45:10Z")
Dora. In a millisecond. Hell, she wouldn’t have to fire a shot. She’d just sweet-talk Earth’s computers into giving up. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/33 "2010-10-12T01:47:16Z")
The _Millenium Falcon_ – she may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts. The SDF-1 – Imagine performing a space folder over Washington. Of course, it’ll just work that one time and the SDF-1 will take a year to get back from wherever it folded from. Peacekeeper Command Carrier – I have not doubt that it’s got enough firepower to turn much of Earth into molten slag. TARDIS – I’m sure there’s a way it could counquer Earth. Vogon star ship – Or just destroy Earth to make way for the hyperspace bypass. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/34 "2010-10-12T01:52:35Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > Wiping out all life on Earth’s surface is not conquering the Earth. Conquering the Earth of necessity involves a lot of property damage, true, but you also have to enslave the men, stampede the women, and rape the cattle. > > See, that’s the part that ain’t gonna work out so well for ET. As long as they nuke us from orbit, where we can’t get to them, they can abuse us at will. If they come down to the surface with hostile intent, they’ll have to fight us. Maybe they’ll win, maybe not. But they will know they’ve been in a fight. And when they finally get me, I’ll be bringing the boys from Valhalla back with me for round 2… That’s quite an internet-penis you have there. Tell me more about how you’ll destroy Space Marines with your rifle. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/35 "2010-10-12T02:45:21Z")
Of Culture vessels, certainly a General Offensive Unit, and probably General Contact Units, but conquest by force is really not the Culture’s style. More likely would be the landing of operatives from Special Circumstances to work political and social mischief. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/36 "2010-10-12T04:47:02Z")
Since nobody has bothered to mention the _[Andromeda Ascendant](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andromeda_Ascendant)_ yet, it’s worth noting that she carried forty missile launchers capable of firing 8 rounds per second each. Each missile can carry up to a twenty megaton warhead. In one case it was mentioned that Andromeda could complete depopulate a densely inhabited world in under two minutes. I don’t see how we could begin to mount a defense against this. If more subtle methods are called for then planetary warfare bots with multiple weapon configurations are available. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/37 "2010-10-12T05:40:47Z")
The Sulaco could do it, they’ve got sharp sticks. Actually, I gonna say that the real question is what warship with interstellar capabilites do we have a chance of defeating. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/38 "2010-10-12T05:53:07Z")
_Gay Deceiver_ could maybe swing it, with some creative planning. Has the added bonus of really pissing off Fred Phelps. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/40 "2010-10-12T08:13:29Z")
Can anybody clarify how the half of these ships are going to CONQUER Earth, as opposed to just beating it up a bit? Serenity? Millenium Falcon? Really? They have to land sometime, then they would be screwed! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/41 "2010-10-12T08:36:54Z")
> [@SCSimmons](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > I don’t think the Death Star was LIMITED to planets. Just that the Empire was run by bastards. If they’d wanted to destroy a single continent – the equivalent of Australia – they could’ve. > > > > My cite is information drawn directly from my ass. > > Plus, they have plenty of demonstration targets available, easily visible to our telescopes, within our solar system. A test shot at Mars, expanding the asteroid belt, would probably do wonders for our attitude. The Death Star’s probably big enough that just parking it too close to the planet would have some fun gravitational effects. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837.md?page=3)