# What fictional spacecraft could conquer the Earth all by their lonesome. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837 "2010-10-11T23:25:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/62 "2010-10-12T15:39:54Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > For that matter they can scan and beam up any world leader they want. If Odo is on the ship (go Defiant) they can institute whatever changes that leader is capable of. Or they could put a bomb in his head, or poison his daughter with a virus that needs daily inoculations, or just make them disappear. Do that for a few weeks and watch the humans squirm. Any ship with teleport technology instantly wins. They can do the whole “transport the world leaders up and scare the shit out of them”. And if that doesn’t work, they can do the whole “transport people straight off the ground, and drop them from 200 feet in the air” and watch the world population riot itself into the stone age. You don’t need a ground assault when you can attack troops individually from orbit. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/63 "2010-10-12T15:42:26Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > Though I began the thread thinking that Star Wars tech would have it all over Trek tech, this makes me think otherwise. A ruthless captain and company on any Enterprise but Archer’s could do a whole lot of damage without ever firing their phasers or torpedoes. Their sensors can detect our nukes whereever they are, and I’ll bet their computers can overcome ours too. Beam a small away team into a missile installation, arm the nukes, and pop out. Repeat a couple dozen times. > > > > It won’t be an afternoon’s work, but in a month they could entirely strip our defenses. > > For that matter they can scan and beam up any world leader they want. If Odo is on the ship (go Defiant) they can institute whatever changes that leader is capable of. Or they could put a bomb in his head, or poison his daughter with a virus that needs daily inoculations, or just make them disappear. Do that for a few weeks and watch the humans squirm. Odo wouldn’t help. But of course the Dominion could conquer 2010 Earth with ease using the methods you describe. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/64 "2010-10-12T15:45:11Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > > [@Lobohan](#): > > > > For that matter they can scan and beam up any world leader they want. If Odo is on the ship (go Defiant) they can institute whatever changes that leader is capable of. Or they could put a bomb in his head, or poison his daughter with a virus that needs daily inoculations, or just make them disappear. Do that for a few weeks and watch the humans squirm. > > Any ship with teleport technology instantly wins. They can do the whole “transport the world leaders up and scare the shit out of them”. And if that doesn’t work, they can do the whole “transport people straight off the ground, and drop them from 200 feet in the air” and watch the world population riot itself into the stone age. You don’t need a ground assault when you can attack troops individually from orbit. An easy weaponization of Trek-style teleporters is deliberately aborting the transport sequence mid-cycle, dematerializing your target and then dumping the image from your buffer. I’d bet it’s cheaper energy-wise, too. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/65 "2010-10-12T15:46:43Z")
Also, any ship with at least some industrial capacity and a sufficiently ruthless & intelligent leader could pretty easily find a few hundred thousand human soldiers to work for them and enforce the terms of the original surrender (feel free to name the downtrodden ethnic group of your choice here). ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/66 "2010-10-12T15:47:46Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Munch](#): > > > > Any ship with teleport technology instantly wins. They can do the whole “transport the world leaders up and scare the shit out of them”. And if that doesn’t work, they can do the whole “transport people straight off the ground, and drop them from 200 feet in the air” and watch the world population riot itself into the stone age. You don’t need a ground assault when you can attack troops individually from orbit. > > An easy weaponization of Trek-style teleporters is deliberately aborting the transport sequence mid-cycle, dematerializing your target and then dumping the image from your buffer. I’d bet it’s cheaper energy-wise, too. Hm. That’s probably how the mirror-universe Kirk’s little machine worked. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/67 "2010-10-12T15:49:23Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Munch](#): > > > > Any ship with teleport technology instantly wins. They can do the whole “transport the world leaders up and scare the shit out of them”. And if that doesn’t work, they can do the whole “transport people straight off the ground, and drop them from 200 feet in the air” and watch the world population riot itself into the stone age. You don’t need a ground assault when you can attack troops individually from orbit. > > An easy weaponization of Trek-style teleporters is deliberately aborting the transport sequence mid-cycle, dematerializing your target and then dumping the image from your buffer. I’d bet it’s cheaper energy-wise, too. True, and the Enterprise D has a bunch of Cargo Only transporters that can’t handle complex biological systems. Beam people up with that and transport them back and you get leader X on national TV glowing for a second and dropping into a pile of oatmeal and bones. Do that to every single person that appears on TV or Radio talking about it and drive the world insane. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/68 "2010-10-12T15:54:58Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > An easy weaponization of Trek-style teleporters is deliberately aborting the transport sequence mid-cycle, dematerializing your target and then dumping the image from your buffer. I’d bet it’s cheaper energy-wise, too. > > True, and the Enterprise D has a bunch of Cargo Only transporters that can’t handle complex biological systems. Beam people up with that and transport them back and you get leader X on national TV glowing for a second and dropping into a pile of oatmeal and bones. Do that to every single person that appears on TV or Radio talking about it and drive the world insane. I think you’re wrong about cargo transporters not being able to handle living beings. As I recall, the only difference (for the E-D) was space and the personnel transporters being in a somewhat nicer part of the ship. A cargo transporter is basically a freight elevator. That said, you don’t want to drive the world insane; you want to conquer them. Anybody have a more detailed battle plan using one Galaxy or Sovereign class ship, armed for war? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/69 "2010-10-12T15:58:52Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Lobohan](#): > > > > True, and the Enterprise D has a bunch of Cargo Only transporters that can’t handle complex biological systems. Beam people up with that and transport them back and you get leader X on national TV glowing for a second and dropping into a pile of oatmeal and bones. Do that to every single person that appears on TV or Radio talking about it and drive the world insane. > > I think you’re wrong about cargo transporters not being able to handle living beings. As I recall, the only difference (for the E-D) was space and the personnel transporters being in a somewhat nicer part of the ship. A cargo transporter is basically a freight elevator. > > That said, you don’t want to drive the world insane; you want to conquer them. I forget, can replicators make phasers? “Mr. Chavez, we can supply you and your people with approximately 50,000 of these weapons if you agree to support our global Bolivarian Revolution.” ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/70 "2010-10-12T16:02:34Z")
Another thought: what timescale are we talking about? If the place needs to be conquered in a couple months, that’s very different than if you can spend a few years setting up an industrial complex on Mars or the moon or somewhere or engaging in British Empire in India-style divide-and-conquer politics. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/71 "2010-10-12T16:31:42Z")
The mothership from _Footfall_ could; after all, it very nearly succeeded in universe. The version of Earth from _With Friends Like These_ could. I mean, it can move through space under its own power so technically it’s a spacecraft. 😃 > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > An easy weaponization of Trek-style teleporters is deliberately aborting the transport sequence mid-cycle, dematerializing your target and then dumping the image from your buffer. I’d bet it’s cheaper energy-wise, too. They already have something like that; there’s an episode where Picard slaps his communicator on a future superweapon called the Tox Utat, said [“Transporter Code 14 this location!”](http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/Transporter_Code_14) and it was disintegrated. > [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > I forget, can replicators make phasers? In one DS9 episode an automatic Cardassian defense program was activated and it created little automated phasers in the replicators to shoot at people. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/72 "2010-10-12T16:34:07Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > An easy weaponization of Trek-style teleporters is deliberately aborting the transport sequence mid-cycle, dematerializing your target and then dumping the image from your buffer. I’d bet it’s cheaper energy-wise, too. But then you lose any of the psychological warfare aspects of it. I suppose you could then transport several hundred reams of pamphlets telling everyone what you just did. Speaking of which, what twisted use of the replicators could you come up with that would have the peoples of the world kneeling before you in terror? Slowly transform the ocean into a giant boiling cup of Earl Grey? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/73 "2010-10-12T16:34:36Z")
Manhattan, from _Cities in Flight_, no doubt could. (As could most of the Okies, come to think). ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/74 "2010-10-12T16:57:08Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > An easy weaponization of Trek-style teleporters is deliberately aborting the transport sequence mid-cycle, dematerializing your target and then dumping the image from your buffer. I’d bet it’s cheaper energy-wise, too. > > But then you lose any of the psychological warfare aspects of it. I suppose you could then transport several hundred reams of pamphlets telling everyone what you just did. I’m not saying NOT to do that. I’m just offering another way. In fact I can think of even more horrible uses for the transporter involving abandoning some of the usual safety protocols. Imagine the effect on enemy troops of making every second man’s head disappear. > [@](#): > > Speaking of which, what twisted use of the replicators could you come up with that would have the peoples of the world kneeling before you in terror? Slowly transform the ocean into a giant boiling cup of Earl Grey? That’s very energy wasteful, even if you’ve found a new dilithium source. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/75 "2010-10-12T17:03:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > In fact I can think of even more horrible uses for the transporter involving abandoning some of the usual safety protocols. Imagine the effect on enemy troops of making every second man’s head disappear. I like the idea - but would down scale it to a true decimation. 10% of all troops instantaneously has their skin removed. > [@](#): > > That’s very energy wasteful, even if you’ve found a new dilithium source. Okay - scale this back as well. Replace every cup of hot Earl Grey tea with _slightly cold_ Earl Grey. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/76 "2010-10-12T17:23:25Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > That’s very energy wasteful, even if you’ve found a new dilithium source. > > Okay - scale this back as well. Replace every cup of hot Earl Grey tea with _slightly cold_ Earl Grey. Or a beverage that is almost, but not completely, unlike tea. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/77 "2010-10-12T17:30:47Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > An Ur-Quan ship could probably do the job. A Kzer-Ka Dreadnaught definitely could – I think they’re patterned after a classic BG Battlestar. A Kohr-Ah Marauder, otoh, isn’t intended for conquest. I don’t know of any capability (or philosophy) among the Ur-Quan Kohr-Ah to take over inhabited planets that include taking over the inhabitants. IMO, the _Rodger Young_’s platoon of mobile infantry could do severe damage to contemporary Earth. For a true conquest effort I’d prefer one of her big sisters with six platoons (such as the ship carrying Blackies’ Blackguards) or larger. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/78 "2010-10-12T17:39:06Z")
Mork’s Egg could probably do it. By **mistake.** ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/79 "2010-10-12T18:46:59Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I just don’t believe that Serenity has the fuel reserves to do that more than twice, and I don’t think it’s agile enough to avoid getting shot down in the process. Don’t underestimate the energy of a cargo hold full of longhorn cattle released in a hyperbolic trajectory from out on the rim. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/80 "2010-10-12T19:04:25Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > I just don’t believe that Serenity has the fuel reserves to do that more than twice, and I don’t think it’s agile enough to avoid getting shot down in the process. > > Don’t underestimate the energy of a cargo hold full of longhorn cattle released in a hyperbolic trajectory from out on the rim. Fool of Browncoat! It’s AIMING the cattle that presents the problem. ---
**Author:** ![MarcusF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/67e7ee/32.png) [@MarcusF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MarcusF)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/81 "2010-10-12T19:15:34Z")
“Conquering” Earth as in taking control is a tall order but destroying it is a lot easier! I nominate the INSS Lenin, or any other President class Imperial battleship, if Admiral Lavrenti Kutuzov is in command. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837.md?page=5)