# What fictional spacecraft could conquer the Earth all by their lonesome. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837 "2010-10-11T23:25:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/102 "2010-10-12T22:44:59Z")
The **Heart of Gold** could do it easily. I’m not sure how large the Vogon constructor fleet was, but if it wasn’t too numerous, I’m pretty sure a single **Vogon Constructor Ship** could do very significant damage and as said above, the chances of us being able to fight back against any interstellar space craft is pretty much zero. Other ships from the HHG series that might work: **Billion Year Bunker** - should have more than enough weaponry aboard, most of them too dangerous to use. **Bistromath** - for pretty much the same reasons as the Heart of Gold. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/103 "2010-10-12T22:46:46Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > > [@Lobohan](#): > > > > On the cargo bay thing\*\* I checked \*\*and they are actually normally set for non living materials but can be switched to a mode that allows them to transport people. They just aren’t as efficient at it. I thought I had read in the STTNG Tech Manual that they couldn’t do it. My bad. > > (Bolding added) > Wait, you’re posting from your orbiting Starship? Transporter room. Track that IP and beam the poster to Detroit. I checked [Memory Alpha](http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/Cargo_transporter). Which is the finest Wiki name evar. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/104 "2010-10-12T23:31:51Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Land the first one in the middle of DC, flattening the White House, Capitol, Pentagon, or similar high-profile target. Reminds me of P.J. O’Rourke’s pocket review of _Independence Day_: Aliens come to Earth and destroy Washington. Then they get hostile. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/105 "2010-10-12T23:35:15Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > The **Heart of Gold** could do it easily. With what weapons? And I’d advise against using the Infinite Improbability Drive as a weapon; it’s simply too unpredictable. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/106 "2010-10-12T23:50:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > > > The **Heart of Gold** could do it easily. > > With what weapons? And I’d advise against using the Infinite Improbability Drive as a weapon; it’s simply too unpredictable. It’s only unpredictable if you’re not specifying the expected outcome. IIRC, it can do basically whatever the hell it wants as long as the computer can calculate the probability of the outcome. With, I admit, some side effects while it’s doing its thing. ---
**Author:** ![glowacks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/glowacks/32/5548_2.png) [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/107 "2010-10-13T01:01:43Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > Nah, I’ll allow those. And if you disqualify Galactica you have to disqualify Voyager as well, as they had an infinite number of shuttlecraft. 😉 > > Assigning Ensigns Banach and Tarski to the shuttlecraft-refurbishing detail was Janeway’s best command decision. So the axiom of choice is not only true in the Star Trek universe, but can be applied to physical situations? Must be how they developed all that advanced technology. Perhaps once we have have specified a well-ordering of the real numbers, warp-drive technology will pop right out on us. I also have to wonder how often **Steve MB** has used that joke, and how many people he’d think would understand it. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/108 "2010-10-13T03:07:55Z")
> [@enigmatic](#): > > So you are talking about anything even slightly weaponised from the Culture… And to add insult to injury it’ll have a name like “Abbreviated Negotiations”, or “Was it good for you?” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/109 "2010-10-13T06:17:11Z")
For those saying you’d need a big-ass ship with room for lots of ground soldiers: Cortez conquered the Aztec Empire with less than a thousand men (_and_ he had already scuttled his starship-equivalents back on the coast, to keep his men from having second thoughts and maybe bugging out). Pizarro conquered the Inca Empire with fewer than 200 men. Clearly, if a.) the aliens wish to _conquer_ Earth (as opposed to just sterilizing it) and b.) they don’t have millions of warrior bugs or clones or battledroids on hand, then the trick for the aliens is to be sneaky and underhanded and not just engage in a frontal assault. As already noted, play divide-and-conquer; find some disaffected groups who don’t like the dominant groups and arm them (though maybe not with your very best weapons tech). If you can persuade a substantial chunk of the population that you’re the Messiah or the Chosen Ones or something, all the better. Be prepared to co-opt local elites into running the place for you (and coercing the native population into mining the dilithium crystals or ginger or whatever it is you’re here for). You may also want to look into finding some “warrior-like” ethnic groups and hiring them as mercenaries–think Somalis or American rednecks with death rays (Its Galactic Majesty’s First Terran Raygunners). (On the off chance the aliens have already figured out how to tap into the Internet and are reading this: Of course, what would _really_ crush our will to resist and deliver our planet into your hands is sending Sexy Nymphomaniac Humanoid Space Babes and, uh, dark chocolate! Yeah, that’s the ticket. And kittens.) ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/110 "2010-10-13T10:55:39Z")
> [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > > [@MegaBee](#): > > > > An Ur-Quan ship could probably do the job. > > A Kzer-Ka Dreadnaught definitely could – I think they’re patterned after a classic BG Battlestar. > > A Kohr-Ah Marauder, otoh, isn’t intended for conquest. I don’t know of any capability (or philosophy) among the Ur-Quan Kohr-Ah to take over inhabited planets that include taking over the inhabitants. I couldn’t remember the name, but the Kzer-Ka ship is just the one I was thinking of. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/111 "2010-10-13T11:00:30Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > For those saying you’d need a big-ass ship with room for lots of ground soldiers: Cortez conquered the Aztec Empire with less than a thousand men (_and_ he had already scuttled his starship-equivalents back on the coast, to keep his men from having second thoughts and maybe bugging out). Pizarro conquered the Inca Empire with fewer than 200 men. > > Clearly, if a.) the aliens wish to _conquer_ Earth (as opposed to just sterilizing it) and b.) they don’t have millions of warrior bugs or clones or battledroids on hand, then the trick for the aliens is to be sneaky and underhanded and not just engage in a frontal assault. As already noted, play divide-and-conquer; find some disaffected groups who don’t like the dominant groups and arm them (though maybe not with your very best weapons tech). If you can persuade a substantial chunk of the population that you’re the Messiah or the Chosen Ones or something, all the better. Be prepared to co-opt local elites into running the place for you (and coercing the native population into mining the dilithium crystals or ginger or whatever it is you’re here for). You may also want to look into finding some “warrior-like” ethnic groups and hiring them as mercenaries–think Somalis or American rednecks with death rays (Its Galactic Majesty’s First Terran Raygunners). > (On the off chance the aliens have already figured out how to tap into the Internet and are reading this: Of course, what would _really_ crush our will to resist and deliver our planet into your hands is sending Sexy Nymphomaniac Humanoid Space Babes and, uh, dark chocolate! Yeah, that’s the ticket. And kittens.) Didn’t the smallpox help? ---
**Author:** ![sohvan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sohvan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sohvan)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/112 "2010-10-13T11:31:30Z")
Conquering would require a bit more finess, but nearly _every_ ship capable of interstellar travel could destroy humanity easily. Even an alien fratboy party could do it. You don’t even need to get inside Earth’s atmosphere. Just nudge a few decently sized asteroids or comets in the right direction, and you have genocide coming some years in the future. Right now there’s nothing we could really do to prevent it, and we might not even notice it coming. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/113 "2010-10-13T11:52:28Z")
Well, the Jupiter 2 sort of conquered Chicasaw Falls in 1947, does that count? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/114 "2010-10-13T14:13:25Z")
> [@sohvan](#): > > Conquering would require a bit more finess, but nearly _every_ ship capable of interstellar travel could destroy humanity easily. Even an alien fratboy party could do it. You don’t even need to get inside Earth’s atmosphere. Just nudge a few decently sized asteroids or comets in the right direction, and you have genocide coming some years in the future. Right now there’s nothing we could really do to prevent it, and we might not even notice it coming. Conquering is not synonomous with destroying. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/115 "2010-10-13T16:47:21Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > > [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > > > A Kzer-Ka Dreadnaught definitely could – I think they’re patterned after a classic BG Battlestar. > > > > A Kohr-Ah Marauder, otoh, isn’t intended for conquest. I don’t know of any capability (or philosophy) among the Ur-Quan Kohr-Ah to take over inhabited planets that include taking over the inhabitants. > > I couldn’t remember the name, but the Kzer-Ka ship is just the one I was thinking of. I figured as much. I’m just being precise for the other [del]anal-retentive[/del] detail-oriented Dopers. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/116 "2010-10-13T18:25:38Z")
I imagine that [Klaatu’s](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0043456/combined) spaceship would have been able to whack us all very nicely. ---
**Author:** ![JoelUpchurch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@JoelUpchurch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoelUpchurch)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837/117 "2010-10-13T20:20:42Z")
I think the **Venture Star** from **Avatar** could do the job. It’s fuel was tons of antimatter. Since one ounce of antimatter is equal to 1.22 megatons, all you need is a small containment capsule to hold the antimatter during reentry. You hire the Chinese for occupation troops for a percentage of the take and a bonus of not blowing the crap out of Beijing. They didn’t do it in Avatar, since they couldn’t blow up the Navi with an Antimatter bomb without also destroying the Unobtainium and besides Colonel Quaritch wasn’t exactly a rocket scientist 😉 and probably didn’t know much about how the Venture Star worked. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-fictional-spacecraft-could-conquer-the-earth-all-by-their-lonesome/556837.md?page=5)