# What Flamer! (How Can I Burn Old Letters?) **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [May 21, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109 "2002-05-21T15:43:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/1 "2002-05-21T15:43:17Z")
I’d like to consign a whole bunch of old letters to the flames. Sadly, though, I live in an apartment and don’t have access to a fireplace.What would be a good way to burn a lot of paper without causing a huge brush fire or breaking pollution laws? I assume I will have to do this outside, on the driveway. What kind of recepticle should I use? Any accelerant, or just matches? What should I have nearby to douse overly enthusiastic flames? ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/2 "2002-05-21T15:48:09Z")
Good Lord, don’t use an accelerant; paper burns hot and quickly on its own. If you have access to any sandy place where it’s legal to light fires (beaches, etc.), dig a firepit there; otherwise, borrow a barbecue. Stack a few letters, and light with a match or cigarette lighter. Add letters as the old ones get consumed. Douse with sand, or, if you’re using a barbecue, just put the lid on. ---
**Author:** ![12hazel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/919ad9/32.png) [@12hazel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/12hazel)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/3 "2002-05-21T16:01:18Z")
Or use a metal trash can instead of a barbecue (deeper is better for containing the sparks, etc. Get a bucket of water for extinguishing. I suppose the ritual use of flame is important here, eh? Just thinking that a paper shredder might suffice… ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/4 "2002-05-21T16:04:59Z")
I think you’re missing the potential opportunities here, Eve. Burning old letters is the perfect chance to drink a little too much as you read a few, cry over the might-have-beens, laugh at the memories of good times long gone, and, in general, have a celebratory moment. Tossing them in a trash can and lighting a match doesn’t seem to be quite the right form. I like the beach idea. A jug of wine, the letters, and a small bonfire in the sand sounds like a perfect plan. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/5 "2002-05-21T16:15:01Z")
Hmmm . . . I have no access to a paper shredder or a beach, and the only barbeque belongs to the white-trash hillbilly neighbors, whom I try to avoid like the plague (mostly because I suspect they actually HAVE the plague). All our trash cans are plastic. Damn. I don’t care about the ritual—I just want to dispose of a lot of old letters and diaries, and just tearing them up is not, well, safe enough. Maybe I can rent a hotel room with a working fireplace? Fill my suitcase with what I need to dispose of? Any of you New Yorkers have a fireplace I c’n borrow? ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/6 "2002-05-21T16:17:50Z")
You could always tie them up in a bundle and take a drive on the Cross Bronx Expressway. Just toss them into the first burning car you see. ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/7 "2002-05-21T17:23:38Z")
- - - Working at Enron is hell, ain’t it? They should have probably included something about this in the orientation… - DougC ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/8 "2002-05-21T17:42:11Z")
Shredders are extremely inexpensive. They can be had at Fry’s for less than $20. I assume that office depot/max probably have then at similar prices. Metal trash cans are probably cheap as well. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/9 "2002-05-21T17:44:47Z")
Eve- I realize this may be too forward of me and if so I apologize. But burning those diaries, while reminiscent of Queen Victoria (look up what she burned right after a ‘certain someone’ died), is almost a crime to me. I have, for many years, collected old diaries and letters. While I’m not suggesting that you turn them over to me I just thought I’d point out that in 100 or more years (the oldest I have dates from the 1700s) those diaries and letters will be a window to a lost time for those future historians. So, do it if you must, be you’ll be breaking my antiquarian heart if you do. - Jonathan ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/10 "2002-05-21T17:52:09Z")
I’m with J.C. on this one, Eve. Given your penchant for historical research, this sentiment comes as a bit of a surprise. I respect your right to privacy but can’t help but wonder what your motivation might be. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/11 "2002-05-21T18:00:44Z")
Nope, Sorry, guys, but I want to make damn sure my diaries predecease me. There’s nothing that historically interesting in them, nor in old letters from my friends and relatives (the letters from my famous friends will get saved!). I’m thinking metal trashcan in the driveway, at this point. A few letters at a time shouldn’t make TOO big a fire. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/12 "2002-05-21T18:11:31Z")
A small tear rolls down the left side of my face… You’d be surprised what is interesting to people in the future. Even what you consider mundane can be valuable. I once did a grad school research project relating # and price of eggs sold on a Vermont town. Stuff about famous people is easy to come by. I’ve always been more interested in how the hoi polloi actually lived. Well, _comme ci ou comme ca_…do what you will. But if I could tempt you by offering to donate them to a college library (on my dime) with instructions that they’d not be opened or read for 100 years I would. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/13 "2002-05-21T21:22:13Z")
Then at least take plnnr’s advice and consecrate the ashes and your palate with a little vino. It’s good for keeping those pesky flames in check. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/14 "2002-05-21T21:42:14Z")
I personally think a bio of **Eve** would sell quite well. Save them for your literary executor, with strict orders on what to have your biographer omit. ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/15 "2002-05-21T22:04:27Z")
Don’t worry about saving you diaries for the future. What did those smug bastards every do for you? Besides who wants people going through your private stuff? Not me and apparently not Eve. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/16 "2002-05-22T13:06:09Z")
OK, I had an idea last night (and yes, it made my head hurt). How about if I buy a deep-sided metal broiler pan, and put an oven rack over it to keep any burning papers from flying out and alighting on the grass? You think that would be the best way, safety and pollution-wise, to burn papers? I’ll have a full watering-can standing nearby. What better way to spend Memorial Day than burning old memories? ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/17 "2002-05-22T13:22:06Z")
what about chemical destruction (acid)? ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/18 "2002-05-22T13:30:50Z")
You could probably get a (smallish) metal trashcan from the harware store or a cheap grill (even a little one shot jobbie) from the grocery store or Big Lots (or Family Dollar or something like that) for around the same price as the broiler pan. And they’d be bigger so you could burn more at once. (And since it is coming up on Memorial Day, the grocery stores should have the grills on sale.) Did you check the Yellow Pages under “paper shredding”? You might not have to buy anything, just drop the documents off and pay for the service. Heck, you could even bring a bottle of wine and drink it while they shred your stuff. Not as symbolic as flame, but there’s still wine. -Rue. (who burned his old school papers in a metal trash can when he graduated Catholic school) ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/19 "2002-05-22T13:34:01Z")
Hey, Eve, I’ve got good news and bad news: The good news is that I live in Manhattan AND I’ve got a real fireplace AND a papershredder! The bad news is that the fireplace never fails to smoke up my entire apartment, so I never use it. (I spent a few days this winter researching why it misbehaves and I figured out that it was designed poorly; I know how to fix it, but it will take some work. I don’t plan to do the modification anytime soon, though.) You’re welcome to the papershredder, but gazpacho is right – buy one for yourself. A shredder is very cheap and it’ll come in handy many times, long after your Memorial Day shredfest is over. I got my bare-bones little Shredmaster Confidential at Staples for less than 10 bucks. Some of the best money I ever spent. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109/20 "2002-05-22T13:49:36Z")
The thing about a paper shredder is, I have hundreds of letters and about ten diaries (365 pages each!) to dispose of. Setting a match to them will get rid of them a lot quicker (and, OK, more theatrically) than a shredder. A grill or a big garbage can would be too big—I think a broiler pan would be more manageable, flame-wise. I can put the oven rack easily over the top of it, anmd easily toss the pan itself when I’m done. I’m more worried about the neighbors complaining about the smoke. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-flamer-how-can-i-burn-old-letters/110109.md?page=2)