# What, for you, were the most unexpected things about aging? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2020, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620 "2020-10-10T08:12:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2021, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/344 "2021-04-17T21:56:59Z")
> [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > As others have pointed out above, claim your pain is an “8” and you’ll be treated as a drug-seeker. Ask your doctor for pain medication once every few years, you’re obviously a junkie. This is not even remotely true. The doctor knows the number is approximate. It is one of _many_ factors used to diagnose and decide treatment, including which medicine for pain. Drug seeking is presumed because of a constellation of many factors and flags and this question is only a small part of that. Even drug-seeking is _not_ an excuse not to treat pain since users are _more_ susceptible to pain (having fewer endogenous defences) and often need relief - but one must be more careful with the choice of medicine. Anyone in pain should be offered reasonable relief, as possible, and doctors have a moral duty to treat pain when practical. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2021, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/345 "2021-04-17T22:39:00Z")
never mind ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2021, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/346 "2021-04-17T22:50:37Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > This is not even remotely true. It is absolutely true _in my experience_. And the experience of others I know. In my case, I expect my appearance has something to do with it. I have read that Black patients are often denied pain medication. For example: > **[Racial bias in pain assessment and treatment recommendations, and false...](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4843483/)** > > The present work examines beliefs associated with racial bias in pain management, a critical health care domain with well-documented racial disparities. Specifically, this work reveals that a substantial number of white laypeople and medical students... That’s an example I just dug up, and you can assign whatever weight you want to it. I’m not exactly up on the medical literature. I am up on what I’ve heard from Black motorcyclists in the motorcycle world. No painkillers for them. I agree that doctors have a moral duty to treat pain. Nonetheless, I remember all too well being sent home after a smash-up that hospitalized me for two weeks and which had life-long consequences with the advice to take Tylenol as needed and trying breathing exercises. Urgent care facilities in NYC, which are fast becoming the primary care points for many New Yorkers (since more and more doctors are absorbed into practice groups practicing assembly line medicine under the banner of one of the big hospital chains (NYU Langone or Mount Sinai)) have an explicit policy of not prescribing pain medication at all, ever. The big group practices are very nearly the same. ERs will usually give a patient medication in the ER. They will almost never send a patient home with a prescription, no matter what the injury. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/347 "2021-04-18T01:37:28Z")
Your experiences are your experiences. It is unfortunate you were treated that way, if it is so. ER doctors may not give out huge quantities of strong pain medicines, but when called for, it is reasonable to give enough for a week or two pending further follow up (or more in certain circumstances). But if you went to a doctor who knew you every two years and asked for something because you were in severe pain, receiving Tylenol would usually be far from ideal and from good practice. I do not agree with a blanket policy of not giving pain medicine. There may be reason not to choose narcotics. But these certainly have their place too in many cases. There are ways of prescribing them responsibly. In practice, it may be a policy to discourage people who go to the ER on a daily basis, honoured in the breech. No prescription at all? For anything? I don’t believe it. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2021, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/348 "2021-04-18T17:46:28Z")
I wasn’t prescribed any pain meds, until I asked for them. The doc said “We’re really scared of patients getting addicted, or even taking too much. Tell you what, I’ll call your local pharmacy with a prescription, but with a note not to fill it unless you call them in the next two weeks. But try to manage your pain without it.” I thought that was fair, and I swear, I toughed it out as if I’d been dared to go without meds. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2021, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/349 "2021-04-19T02:54:39Z")
Most unexpected? I ski better now than I did at a third of my age. My knees are a Wonder of Nature, and I can hammer the moguls all day, and better form than when I was in High School. All on wood core 204’s from the 80’s. Sadly, today was Season End. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2021, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/350 "2021-04-20T19:34:06Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > I’m also 100# overweight (or 13” underheight), and, not to go into too much detail, I’m finding the idea of installing a bidet increasingly appealing. Maybe I can find a musical one that plays “Let’s All Sing Like the Birdies Sing,” so I can imagine that I’m in the Enchanted Tiki Room at Disneyland (I really miss Disneyland). I asked Michaela to order one on Sunday, it arrived Monday, and I’ve just finished installing one and taking it for a test drive. Even with cold water, it was NOT an unpleasant experience. So now I’ma go to Amazon, have one delivered to my gf’s house tomorrow, and I’ll install it then. ETA: It’s not a musical bidet, so I’ll have to ask Alexa to play the song for me. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2021, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/351 "2021-04-27T21:49:01Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I wasn’t prescribed any pain meds, until I asked for them. The doc said “We’re really scared of patients getting addicted, or even taking too much. Tell you My doctor said that he was tightly monitored on his pain medication prescriptions. From what I’ve read, a tiny subset of doctors prescribed tons of pain medication spurred on by incentives from the Sacklers. (Like big speaking fees to audiences of under a dozen.) I doubt they would have done this without incentives, and it screwed things up for the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2021, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/352 "2021-04-27T21:52:47Z")
I have read the thread, but not recently, so this might have come up before but I just got hit with something unexpected, which is friends dying. A good friend and neighbor, only a year older than me was found to have cancer and was gone in six weeks. Another good friend is dying. And I can just see more of this happening. Until it happens to me. I’m reading a book of poems from Billy Collins and in one, “Life Expectancy,” he notes that the robin hopping on the lawn outside his window might outlive him, and maybe even the worm the robin is chasing. I’m not there yet. But, as George Burns said when he neared 100, and that point he didn’t buy unripe bananas. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2021, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/353 "2021-04-27T22:54:45Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > A good friend and neighbor, only a year older than me was found to have cancer and was gone in six weeks. Another good friend is dying. And I can just see more of this happening. As a gay man who survived NYC in the '80s, I can relate to this. I once had three funerals at the same time. By the time I left the city, there was virtually nobody left of my former friends and lovers. ---
**Author:** ![mtnmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@mtnmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtnmatt)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2021, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/354 "2021-04-27T23:36:17Z")
One thing I can’t recall seeing mentioned is the new awareness of the risk and implications of falling. I’m 56 now (and in much better shape than I was 20 years ago), but I notice now how careful I am getting in or out of the shower, and how easily I can imagine the feeling of a simple slip, and what would happen if I did. That wasn’t true 20 years ago ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2021, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/355 "2021-04-28T14:13:12Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I have a photo of myself, as a toddler, sitting on my grandmother’s lap. She was about 65 at the time, and her face was completely covered with wrinkles. I’m now 75, and I have exactly two wrinkles. Men tend to have fewer wrinkles then women, due to thicker skin. (IIRC, this is also why men are more prone to acne as teenagers.) > [@Dadtheinhaler](#): > > I’m 59. I had twin daughters when I was 41 and not to be overly gloomy but sometime between then and now an intense fear of dying I used to have just sort of evaporated. It’s not like I’ve become fearless or looking forward to dying or anything like that. I just don’t worry about it so much anymore except how it will affect my family. I don’t know if it’s because of the girls or my particular age. Maybe it got pushed out by all the other stuff I worry about now. I myself have a lot more equanimity about death than I used to. But I think it’s just acceptance of the inevitable, and the fact that it looms a lot larger than it used to. I think the fear of death is mostly about not wanting to die, but if you know and accept that you’re going to die anyway and it’s only a matter of when, then it’s not as big of a deal. The thing is that most people do know they’re going to die but put it out of their minds, and manage thereby to view their death as “if” rather than “when”. But I think increasing exposure to other people dying as one ages, and the knowledge that it’s a lot closer than it once was makes for a lot more acceptance. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2021, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/356 "2021-04-28T14:25:39Z")
> [@Dadtheinhaler](#): > > I’m 59. I had twin daughters when I was 41 and not to be overly gloomy but sometime between then and now an intense fear of dying I used to have just sort of evaporated. It’s not like I’ve become fearless or looking forward to dying or anything like that. I just don’t worry about it so much anymore except how it will affect my family. I don’t know if it’s because of the girls or my particular age. Maybe it got pushed out by all the other stuff I worry about now. It’s really piling up. I worry less about dying and more about the suffering that so often precedes it. My mom suffered from a terrible progressive condition for two years before her death, and my dad’s mind and body have been hammered by Parkinson’s disease for about a decade now. Falls, shitty sleep as a matter of routine, severe cognitive decline, medical crises that land you in the ER once or twice a year, inability to do the things that used to give your life great meaning. Yikes. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2021, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/357 "2021-04-30T17:22:30Z")
> [@Dadtheinhaler](#): > > I’m 59. I had twin daughters when I was 41 and not to be overly gloomy but sometime between then and now an intense fear of dying I used to have just sort of evaporated. I’m 61. I had my first child when I was 53. I’ve had the opposite reaction. I now have an intense fear of dying. Not because I’m afraid of death (I’m not – I really don’t care. I fear pain, and physical deterioration, but actual death? No, no fear of death), but because I fear not being around for my children, and because I fear the hurt my death might cause them. I have to make it into my 70s. In good shape. If my kids are in their twenties, they can handle my death. I was in my twenties when my mother died. I was devastated, but I could handle it. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2021, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/358 "2021-04-30T18:22:22Z")
> [@mtnmatt](#): > > One thing I can’t recall seeing mentioned is the new awareness of the risk and implications of falling. I’m 56 now (and in much better shape than I was 20 years ago), but I notice now how careful I am getting in or out of the shower, and how easily I can imagine the feeling of a simple slip, and what would happen if I did. Hah! Yeah - I’ve become very aware of this risk. Not so much with the shower, but with general walking. I was never coordinated, and this has not improved with age; falls and other injuries are too common. Broken toe just 2 weeks ago (not entirely my fault; household member left a box of detergent in an unusual spot, and I slammed a toe into it); broken tailbone 2 summers ago slipping while walking downstairs; broken foot 9 years ago on those same stairs… frequent rolled ankles leading to anything from embarassment to sprained ankle to broken elbow… When I saw the podiatrist about the broken toe, I offhandedly quipped about the number of broken bones and she looked worried, I did confirm that I panic if I need to go down stairs and there’s no railing. If I ever get asked the “do you feel safe at home?” question by a medical professional, I’d have to answer “well, no, but it’s nothing anyone is doing to me, I’m just too klutzy”. So while we love this house, another thing that surprised me about aging is that now, I REALLY want to downsize to a one-level house or condo. Unfortunately, hereabouts (DC metro) one-story houses are extremely rare, and condos are pretty darned spendy. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2021, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/359 "2021-04-30T19:00:58Z")
Two things related to aging that surprise me: 1. The unpredictability of my body’s elimination processes. 'Nuff said." 2. My eyebrows. Individual hairs go rogue and stick up such that I have to trim them with scissors. I’m afraid I’ll wind up looking like one of those Southern movie lawyers with unkempt hedges above each eye. [![](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/CY8113/senior-mature-man-aged-71-humorous-portrait-with-prominent-bushy-wild-CY8113.jpg) ](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/CY8113/senior-mature-man-aged-71-humorous-portrait-with-prominent-bushy-wild-CY8113.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2021, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/360 "2021-04-30T20:10:52Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > My eyebrows. Individual hairs go rogue and stick up such that I have to trim them with scissors. I’m afraid I’ll wind up looking like one of those Southern movie lawyers with unkempt hedges above each eye. I expect to have eyebrows like [Martin Walser](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Walser) if I make it to his age: [![](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/DRJ5HW/author-martin-walser-at-the-frankfurt-book-fair-in-october-2013-DRJ5HW.jpg) ](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/DRJ5HW/author-martin-walser-at-the-frankfurt-book-fair-in-october-2013-DRJ5HW.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2021, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/361 "2021-05-02T22:44:09Z")
> [@mtnmatt](#): > > One thing I can’t recall seeing mentioned is the new awareness of the risk and implications of falling. This has been a problem for me since childhood. I suffer from vertigo and have had some drastic falls as a result. But now, it’s other things that send me to the ground such as my knee not being there for me, possibly related to worsening sciatica. At age 60, I’m already looking into getting a fall-alert bracelet. ---
**Author:** ![Bootb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bootb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootb)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2021, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/362 "2021-05-02T23:18:12Z")
I’m 42. I often like to sleep on my side. Every so often, I wake up with a sore shoulder. As best as I can figure out, it’s from nothing more than my body weight resting on my shoulder for several hours. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2021, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620/363 "2021-05-03T16:34:02Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > > [@digs](#): > > > > I wasn’t prescribed any pain meds, until I asked for them. The doc said “We’re really scared of patients getting addicted, or even taking too much. Tell you > > My doctor said that he was tightly monitored on his pain medication prescriptions. > From what I’ve read, a tiny subset of doctors prescribed tons of pain medication spurred on by incentives from the Sacklers. (Like big speaking fees to audiences of under a dozen.) I doubt they would have done this without incentives, and it screwed things up for the rest of us. But those doctors that are incentivized are known as “thought leaders” and they helped the drug companies convince other doctors that opiates weren’t really that addictive. The pharmaceutical companies found a letter written to the NEJM in the ‘80’s from doctor that observed that patients receiving opiate pain meds _in a hospital inpatient_ setting didn’t typically seek drugs and become addicted after release, and conflated that into a “landmark study that proved opiates weren’t inherently addictive.” They funded advocacy groups for pain patients, those groups promoted opioid medications and sometimes threatened doctors with legal action for withholding sufficient pain relief. The wrongdoing around OxyContin was deeper than just overprescribing. The big selling point of OxyContin was that it allegedly provided pain relief that lasted 12 hours. The problem was, it didn’t. But when doctors reported that their patients were experiencing breakthrough pain in hours 8-12, Purdue told them to increase the dosage rather than the frequency - I believe they even searched out prescriptions where the doctor instructed 8 hour intervals, and came down on those doctors. Then there was the whole “targeting addicted communities” thing, Purdue’s wrongdoing was way deeper than just pressuring a few doctors to overprescribe - no matter how they try to whitewash it, [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-for-you-were-the-most-unexpected-things-about-aging/922620.md?page=17)