# what gives women the best orgasm? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 10, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054 "2003-12-10T01:09:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Headcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6bbea6/32.png) [@Headcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Headcoat)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/21 "2003-12-10T06:17:52Z")
Another woman. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/22 "2003-12-10T06:21:05Z")
If you haven’t tried cocaine, don’t bother. Ever heard of lido_caine_? It’s a [local anasthetic](http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/uspdi/500058.html), and not far off of the coca family tree. Think of it like this: saying direct clitoral stimulation is the key to the female orgasm is sort of like Major Tom Ferebee dropped the atom bomb on Hiroshima. Hell, no. There is a whole Manhattan Project behind the orgasm. And like the Manhattan Project, the female orgasm is created by teams of scientists working independently of one another… okay, that’s where the simile cracks up entirely. Start with actually _liking_, or better yet, loving, the person you’re with. Make her comfortable and secure in her setting, whether she’s on the away team or otherwise. Realize that foreplay is not a sarcastic introductory sentence. Oh–and that communication thing? Really important, even if it’s grunted like a couple of [Bonobos](http://songweaver.com/info/bonobos.html). Nothing beats monkey love. Men think a lot about sex. Women _think_ a lot about sex. See the difference? Should you successfully create the environment, and still need to apply direct stimulation, the lying positions of the Kama Sutra should do the trick, because some allow a free hand to apply the necessary stimulation, which is generally applied with subtlety (with a silent “b”). There are, to my mind, about six major positions and infinite variants of each which blend together. It is my intention to try them all. The important thing about sex is not the orgasm, it’s the _intimacy_, the sharing. Pull that off and you’ll kick ass. I’m proud to say that this post has been fact-checked by _a real woman_, one hell of a woman: my better half. Her comments follow in bold italics, with my follow-ups in regular font: _ **The results are conclusive. Just take an easy, laid-back approach, and just let it happen. And be yourself. In a nutshell, it’s about, "do you really love that person?"** _ To which I say, this isn’t a damned after-school special. Do you have any _technical_ advice? _ **Bonus points: if you can find a suitable mate that makes you happy… beyond sex… make sure you’re still having fun with the person you’re with. That it’s a good social match.** _ Do I suck in bed? (See how I asked the wrong question here? _Don’t do that!_) _ **No, you rock and roll. But you just have to let things flow, let them be comfortable. Don’t put too much emphasis on the technicalities.** _ Like I just did? \*\*\*Mmm Hmm. To\*\*\* **481618: _Maybe there is someone out there that will rock your world, and be your true companion, hence the team effort. Don’t do any scorekeeping. And only do what feels right to you. Sorry to get all Oprah on you, but… friendship is the best platform from which to begin._** “Friendship” isn’t a position… _ **It’s a privilege that gives you limitless possibilities. Oh, and put "quality far outweighs quantity."** _ Yeah. Thanks, babe. Thanks a lot. _ **Signed, Woman X** _ See? What the hell is she talking about? Not one piece of hands-on advice, proof that sex for some women is all in the mind (and no doubt proof that I’m a fool, too). That’s real advice from a woman to whom I obviously need to be paying attention to instead of wasting my time here. ---
**Author:** ![wendyrules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/85e7bf/32.png) [@wendyrules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wendyrules)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/23 "2003-12-10T06:28:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AnimistDragon \* > \*\*Personally, I love being teased to the point, stop, back up, stop, and then all the way. hehe. Those are NICE. \*\* I soooo agree with you. That’s exactly what my partner does… drives me crazy, but well worth the wait! Also to fully enjoy a total orgasm, there has to be the love, the sharing and the “full box and dice” of a satisying relationship, not JUST in the bedroom. Also, a partner that can read, by your reactions, what feels nice and what doesn’t, and act accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/24 "2003-12-10T06:42:35Z")
A man who truly, deep down likes women and CARES enough to learn what is the best to HIS partner. ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/25 "2003-12-10T08:03:00Z")
- - - I understand that the particular way the seat of a Ferrari vibrates when the engine is revved helps a lot. ~ ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/26 "2003-12-10T11:21:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 481618 \* > \*\*What is the best way to give a woman an orgasm? what feels best to her? etc. \*\* You people actually care?? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/27 "2003-12-10T12:34:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CarlaH1210 \* > \*\*I agree with **Shannablu**. However, direct stimulation of the clitoris is usually not achieved during penetration, unless you are using an artificial device for either stimulation purposes or penetration purposes. It is a rare event (and lucky find) if the penis is able to penetrate and stimulate the clitoris at the same time. Not impossible, but rare. \*\* The penis penetrates, the pubic bone rubs the clitoris. Or doesn’t EVEYONE know that. Maybe forst first post was correct. As for my cite, I’ll wait until **Geobabe** wakes up. ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/28 "2003-12-10T13:07:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bear\_Nenno \* > \*\*You people actually care?? \*\* As a matter of fact, for a lot of us, that’s the _only_ thing we care about. Every second I spend in the bedroom with the wife is devoted to making sure she’s as satisfied as possible. That’s how I derive my enjoyment… For most guys, there’s nothing more exciting than getting a woman off. It’s not all about us, you know. And > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by UncleBill_ > \*\*The penis penetrates, the pubic bone rubs the clitoris. Or doesn’t EVEYONE know that. \*\* I’ll spoiler this one, since it’s a little **TMI** [spoiler]I, personally, cannot get my pubic bone to rub against my wife’s clitoris. I “bottom out” an inch or two before I get that point. I’m really not trying to brag, just sharing some personal experience. However, if she’s on top, she can lay down against my body (_i.e._ pelvis tilted far forward) and use an up and down motion to get clitoral stimulation from the penis’ shaft. In fact, she likes that a lot, and that’s about the only way she can orgasm from simple intercourse. Any other way involves oral sex or battery-operated devices to accompany intercourse.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/29 "2003-12-10T15:01:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sofa King \* > \*\* > There is a whole Manhattan Project behind the orgasm. \*\* have you been talking to my wife? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/30 "2003-12-10T15:04:30Z")
The venus butterfly. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/31 "2003-12-10T15:24:08Z")
\ What’s the difference between West End girls and Southside girls? West End girls have real jewelry and fake orgasms, Southside girls have fake jewelry and real orgasms. To which a former co-worker of mine (and a West End girl) said, “Feh, I’d rather have the jewelry.” \ ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/32 "2003-12-10T15:31:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by audilover \* > \*\*As a matter of fact, for a lot of us, that’s the _only_ thing we care about. Every second I spend in the bedroom with the wife is devoted to making sure she’s as satisfied as possible. That’s how I derive my enjoyment… > > For most guys, there’s nothing more exciting than getting a woman off. It’s not all about us, you know. > > \*\* There it is. When I was younger, all I cared about was making sure Mr. Happy got taken care of. After a while, I learned that if I spent extra time making sure Ms. Happy got taken care of, things were a lot better for all parties concerned. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/33 "2003-12-10T15:43:14Z")
The answer, of course, is BIIIIIG JIIIIIM SLAAAAAAAAADE! ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/34 "2003-12-10T15:50:58Z")
> [@](#): > > ## \*Originally posted by Q.E.D. \*quote: > > ## Originally posted by UncleBill Me. > > \*\*Cite? 😉 \*\* Yes. 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\*The penis penetrates, the pubic bone rubs the clitoris. Or doesn’t EVEYONE know that. Maybe forst first post was correct. As for my cite, I’ll wait until **Geobabe** wakes up. \*\* Good morning. It is possible, as in **audilover** ’s situation, to have equipment that doesn’t line up right for this, but with most penis/vagina combinations, you can most definitely get clitoral stimulation from penetration. I’ve never had a problem coming this way, and in fact, missionary is my favorite position for this. Here’s the key: you’re not going to get it from porn movie-style in-out-in-out. The man needs to stay in deep and either rub or hold still while his woman grabs his butt and goes to town (my personal preference). Ladies, don’t be shy here, go to town. I’ve yet to meet a man who has a problem with this; if you do meet one, dump him. If you’re really lucky, your equipment will match up in such a way that he can get a little extra stimulation from your orgasm. For a little extra help, consider getting [this](http://www.intimatesynergy.com/go/d/pproduct_description.php/c/sc/skSE-0046-14/sidafc28686ee2ad7456879df65895ec2a8/). ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/35 "2003-12-10T16:15:21Z")
The Sybian? ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/36 "2003-12-10T21:24:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sofa King \* > \*\*There is a whole Manhattan Project behind the orgasm. \*\* Yes. God help us all if the Germans discover the female orgasm first! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/37 "2003-12-10T22:39:13Z")
I thought that **Manhattan** had an awfully smug look on his face when I met him. Who wouldn’t be proud? ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/38 "2003-12-10T23:49:59Z")
My boyfriend’s trouser snake inside me. The boyfriend pointed me over to this thread and said I should probably throw my two cents in. Well, it seems that I’m one of the few females that can consistently orgasm from penetration only. (Lucky me.) I used to have difficulty orgasming at all from penetration, and initially from anyone else attempting to stimulate my clitoris. (I attribute it to me being a bit younger and not being as sexually comfortable at the time.) Now that I’m a bit older, it seems that I can achieve orgasm quickly as long as I’m aroused enough. The hardest part for me was always the first orgasm… once I had one, several more would erupt within a couple minutes of the one before it. Sometimes this means I’ll have 5 in a half hour session, and other times over 50. (No, I’m not exaggerating. It happens.) Sometimes it takes a lot of fooling around to get to that first one, and then not stopping once it’s happened. I also used to have the “it’s too sensitive to keep on going after the first one” problem, but now it’s only a problem if it’s through manual stimulation, and occasionally oral stimulation. IMO, almost all of my orgasms feel the same, just at different levels of intensity. It just depends on how my body is reacting at that moment… but I must admit, they do differ a lot, depending upon what the source of the orgasm is. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/39 "2003-12-11T00:07:51Z")
[One of these things](http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99994419)! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mastema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mastema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mastema)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054/40 "2003-12-11T00:36:15Z")
[http://www.sexuality.org/](http://www.sexuality.org/) Good info. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-gives-women-the-best-orgasm/218054.md?page=3)