# What happens if married parents disagree over the name of their newborn child? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 12, 2004, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468 "2004-12-12T18:13:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/21 "2004-12-13T01:03:24Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > And, as an afterthought; doesn’t this naming practice make it virtually impossible to do any genealogy in the USA ? No, since when I did my family geneaology it was based in part on the birth certificates, which list the full name of each parent. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/22 "2004-12-13T01:10:32Z")
Forgot to add- they brought me the form while the baby & I were still in the hospital, and I could have put down whatever I wanted. And believe me, once it’s on the form you have to go through the official legal name-change process to get it changed. Apparently, this applies even if it’s a typo- my brother-in-law was born on Kiribati and English was not the first language of the person who typed up his birth certificate. His name was misspelled, no-one noticed it at the time, and now he is stuck with it. Passport, green card, everything now says “Mathew” instead of “Matthew.” Way too much hassle to change it, since for a time his papers wouldn’t all match and that could screw up his immigration status. Hell, it threw a huge spanner in the works when they found out that his birth certificate was different than everything else! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/23 "2004-12-13T02:35:50Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > And, as an afterthought; doesn’t this naming practice make it virtually impossible to do any genealogy in the USA ? As **EJsGirl** said, the birth certificates give both names of the parents in cases such as these but, as far as I know, they are vanishingly rare. While it is something we can do, almost no one does and I doubt it even enters into most people’s minds as an option. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/24 "2004-12-13T03:18:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by Maastricht > And, as an afterthought; doesn’t this naming practice make it virtually impossible to do any genealogy in the USA ? It’s true that large changes are rare, but over several generations spelling changes can occur, which can throw a spanner into geneology searches. Yes, birth certificates show the names of the mother and father. But if you don’t have the information to get the birth certificate, you’ll be searching other documents, trying to triangulate on a birth date, and using the wrong name. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/25 "2004-12-13T07:26:48Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > Yes, although as a practical matter this is almost unheard of. About the only case that wouldn’t cause people to laugh at you behind your back (or even to your face) would be a recent immigrant who wanted to “Americanize” his kid’s name. Where I come from, it’s pretty common for children to end up with the last names of relatively distant relatives (aunts and grandmothers, for example) because of situations where the father is not around and the mother’s last name is the remnent of a failed marriage that the kid has nothing to do with. Other times the mother does’t want the kid saddled with a name passed down by a asshole alcoholic grandfather. Decent male figures are hard to come by in some circles, and last names usually come from a male one way or another- so sometimes mothers just bypass the whole thing and pick something only tangentally related to the kid or made up altogether. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/26 "2004-12-13T09:13:58Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > Yes, although as a practical matter this is almost unheard of. About the only case that wouldn’t cause people to laugh at you behind your back (or even to your face) would be a recent immigrant who wanted to “Americanize” his kid’s name. There are at least a few cases I know of where the parents combined their last names to come up with a unique surname for their kid. In one couple, one parent’s last name was Brown, and the other parent’s last name was Goldberg or Goldstein, or something along those lines. They picked “Sienna” --a color between brown and gold–as the last name for their kid. My boyfriend has a cousin who just had a baby. Those guys chose to combine their last names–the first syllable of one parent’s last name with the second syllable of the other parent’s last name–to arrive at a surname that’s different from that of either parent. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/27 "2004-12-13T12:11:47Z")
I’ve certainly heard of cases where the child was given a surname different from that of either of his parents – but I’ve never known of any such cases personally. Except for one family where each of the parents kept their own birth name and the kids all got a hyphenated version of both. I think it’s pretty rare. I think having the mother name the kid something other than what they’d agreed on with the father is also unusual – but it definately happens. _I_ wouldn’t do it – but other wives do lots of things _I_ wouldn’t do. In our case, my husband was overseas when our son was born. We had had a tough time coming up with a name and what we decided on wasn’t my first choice. When they brought me the form, I told my mom that I should ‘forget’ the name Kevin and I had agreed on and put down my own first choice. But I was joking, and never seriously considered it. Our daughter was born prematurely and we hadn’t decided what to name her yet when she was born. My husband liked ‘Dorothy’ (both of our mother’s middle names), but I was holding out for that as a middle name and something else as a first name. They brought Kevin the form while I was still unconcious (emergency c-section), but I had to sign it – I don’t remember if he had to sign it too. The baby was pretty sick and we both felt a strong need to name her right away – me, I think to symbolically ‘anchor’ her to life, and Kevin so she could be baptised – so we went ahead and named her ‘Dorothy’ as Kevin had wanted. In fact, he had already filled out the first name before I woke up, and said, “Let’s just do ‘Dorothy,’ OK? It means ‘gift from God.’ And we can call her ‘Dori.’” And that’s what we did. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/28 "2004-12-13T15:49:18Z")
> [@engineer\_comp\_geek](#): > > In every case I’m aware of (my own kids, friends, family, etc) they seem to intentionally bring in the papers while the mother is alone so there can’t be any fighting over the name. This was my experience. I was convinced I was having a girl (based only on, well, nothing) and had planned to put the name I had chosen rather than the one we agreed on. The situation was perfect for doing that. Perfect, I tell you! Except that I had a boy and we had agreed upon his name. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/29 "2004-12-13T16:08:35Z")
Ok, it looks like the mother has complete control over this thing. Being a fairly new parent, I am starting to realize that the mother has control over just about everything related to children in the U.S. unless she is a proven crack whore. This is not a rant, just an observation. What happens if a mother is completly wacked out on medication and names the child Spongebob Squarepants because that is what is on her hospital television at the time she fills out the birth certificate? Does the father have any recourse to change the name to James Buchanan like they agreed upon? ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/30 "2004-12-13T17:03:09Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Yes one has to look further when one hears about ‘males ruling the world’. As usually the truth lies somewhere inbetween and I think you hit it here. It is also acknowleagment that the union between female and male is universally reconized and accepted. I suspect that on a worldwide basis it is more of a matter of long standing social customs than current male dominance. Even in the US there are women alive today that were born before the US Constitution was amended to guarantee women the right to vote (1920). This is very recent in terms of history. Whereas babies have been named for millennia. The custom of the father being the one who actually named the kid is ancient tradition. And while the man was the one who actually formally chose the name, almost always this matter had been discussed with the wife and agreed on. Any husband with half a clue would know better than to choose a name his wife absolutely hated, as this would make future marital relations more difficult. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/31 "2004-12-13T17:21:41Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Ok, it looks like the mother has complete control over this thing. Being a fairly new parent, I am starting to realize that the mother has control over just about everything related to children in the U.S. unless she is a proven crack whore. > > This is not a rant, just an observation. > > What happens if a mother is completly wacked out on medication and names the child Spongebob Squarepants because that is what is on her hospital television at the time she fills out the birth certificate? Does the father have any recourse to change the name to James Buchanan like they agreed upon? All three of my daughters were born in Massachusetts, in Boston at Brigham and Womens to be precise, and I (the father) signed the birth certificate application for all three of them. This was recent - my oldest is 4 1/2, youngest is 5 months. I was in the room when the official birth cert. lady came in, and my wife was probably feeding at the time, so I just signed it. It only required one parent’s signature, and the form definitely said “Parent’s signature”, not “Mother’s signature”. Of course, my wife was alert, and we were in complete agreement to the name, so there wasn’t any issue for us as to who signed. **Shagnasty** , did your wife tell you about the state required speech about domestic abuse she had to listen to while you were waiting someplace else? My wife tried to get out of listening to it each time (if I started abusing her, her solution would involve a shotgun and a very deep hole, and I fully support that plan), but apparently the nurse on duty can get in trouble if she doesn’t give the speech. ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/32 "2004-12-13T17:29:41Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Ok, it looks like the mother has complete control over this thing. Being a fairly new parent, I am starting to realize that the mother has control over just about everything related to children in the U.S. unless she is a proven crack whore. Note the key part of the above is “in the U.S.” My guess is that for the vast majority of the world, this wouldn’t be the case. Maastricht in this thread pointed out in the Netherlands for all practical purposes it is the father who for all practical purposes decides. The Netherlands is hardly an example of a country where male dominance is extreme. Can anyone comment about other European countries? And while it may be that in many places in the world theoretically the mother names the child, in practice it just isn’t likely that a mother would choose a name her husband had not approved of. If she did such a faux pas, she’d be in deep shit with her husband, and likely all the rest of the family. I’d expect in most places it is the parents settle on a name that neither finds objectionable. IOW the huband proposes several names, and the mother gets to choose of those which she prefers. Thus it is a matter of consensus, rather than either the father or mother getting to dictate the choice. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/33 "2004-12-13T17:41:31Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > What happens if the parents of a newborn baby absolutely disagree on the name of a newborn child? [http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764550586,page-tableOfContents.html](http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764550586,page-tableOfContents.html) ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/34 "2004-12-13T18:34:57Z")
Does any major world religion have anything in there scriptures (or, generally accepted religious law) specifically stating the father (or, mother) has the right (or, duty) to name a newborn child? If so, I would expect in any country where such a religion was followed by the majority of the people civil law would follow religious law. ---
**Author:** ![BobT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e8cbc/32.png) [@BobT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobT)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/35 "2004-12-13T18:35:12Z")
Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Milton Bradley’s mother insists that she did not want her son to have that name. However, the father, who is not spoken of in glowing terms by the mother or the son, supposedly filled out the birth certificate with the name “Milton Bradley” so he could pass on his own name. The mother was sleeping off her recovery from a difficult delivery. The father then skipped out never to be seen again. No wonder the guy is so angry all the time. ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/36 "2004-12-13T18:39:49Z")
> [@BobT](#): > > Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Milton Bradley’s mother insists that she did not want her son to have that name. However, the father, who is not spoken of in glowing terms by the mother or the son, supposedly filled out the birth certificate with the name “Milton Bradley” so he could pass on his own name. The mother was sleeping off her recovery from a difficult delivery. The father then skipped out never to be seen again. I’m surprised then the mother never legally changed his name. As the father had skipped out never to be seen again, obviously this would have been uncontested. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/37 "2004-12-13T18:53:48Z")
> [@BobT](#): > > Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Milton Bradley’s mother insists that she did not want her son to have that name. However, the father, who is not spoken of in glowing terms by the mother or the son, supposedly filled out the birth certificate with the name “Milton Bradley” so he could pass on his own name. The mother was sleeping off her recovery from a difficult delivery. The father then skipped out never to be seen again. Last I heard, the father was staying in a flophouse hotel on Baltic Avenue. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/38 "2004-12-13T19:00:33Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Surnames, too? :eek: > > So John Baker and Sue Smith can have a baby named John McPerson? Not easily. A friend of my wife’s and her husband did this. They wanted their children to share a last name different than either one of theirs. (Why they wanted this is complicated. It partially involved reviving an old family name that had died out.) I’m not sure of all the hoops they had to jump through, but it was more involved than just filling out the form at the hospital and involved at least one appearance before a judge. This was in Tennessee. Rules may vary from state to state. ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/39 "2004-12-13T19:18:28Z")
> [@rfgdxm](#): > > Does any major world religion have anything in there scriptures (or, generally accepted religious law) specifically stating the father (or, mother) has the right (or, duty) to name a newborn child? If so, I would expect in any country where such a religion was followed by the majority of the people civil law would follow religious law. Hmm… [http://www.law.du.edu/ilj/online\_issues\_folder/Sharma\_finalcorrected.pdf](http://www.law.du.edu/ilj/online_issues_folder/Sharma_finalcorrected.pdf) “Specifically, the traditional deference to a father’s prerogative to name his children the way he likes, unless forfeited by misconduct or neglect, has been seriously questioned as being completely out-of tune with current social mores and gender-justice-oriented realities.” My interpretation of that is that the father’s prerogative to name his children the way he likes is merely a matter of long-standing social custom, rather than something directly derived from the Koran. If it were directly derived from the Koran, then I doubt it would be seriously questioned. If that were the case, then it would be seen as a matter of this is God’s command, and that is that. However, while it may not be mandated by Islam, traditional customs tend to be very strong in most Islamic societies. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468/40 "2004-12-13T23:35:07Z")
in my family i have an aunt who left home in the arms of her father to be baptised. when he brought her home her name had changed. she left home a maria and returned a melania. my grandmother never called her by the new name and only called her daughter. my grandparents ended up separated. it is not a good idea for a spouse to go their own way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-if-married-parents-disagree-over-the-name-of-their-newborn-child/279468.md?page=3)