# What happens when soldiers run out of toilet paper? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 7, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778 "2004-08-07T14:47:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AR25](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9a28c/32.png) [@AR25](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AR25)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/1 "2004-08-07T14:47:52Z")
During the 2003 Iraq War, I noticed that embedded reporters and soldiers carried their own toilet paper when going out into the field. So, what would a soldier do if they needed to use toilet paper, but ran out and was a long distance from being resupplied? ---
**Author:** ![Mac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Mac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/2 "2004-08-07T14:59:52Z")
They would be in more trouble than you think. Each MRE comes with a packet of John Wayne toilet paper. So it they are realy out of TP then they are also out of food. Most GI’s bring a roll of the soft stuff for personal comfort but when you run out of that you go to the MRE TP. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/3 "2004-08-07T15:03:58Z")
When I send my family and friends packages, I toss in 8 or 10 of the travel packs of wet ones butt wipes, and a couple of rolls of tp if they are in a field unit=) I also toss in a couple boxes of the individually packaged wet naps [they are better for wiping off a sweaty forehead, they are paper based, alcohol soaked and lightly lemon scented=)] In general, guys will take tp from camp stock out on walkabout with them, but they get the cheap stiff, I send good stuff=) ---
**Author:** ![DelawareEng](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@DelawareEng](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DelawareEng)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/4 "2004-08-07T15:04:51Z")
Kind of yucky but a soldier friend of mine told me an army trick is to lube your anus with vasaline before trips to the field, so that a BM will simply slip out without any mess. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![spingears](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@spingears](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spingears)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/5 "2004-08-14T02:41:18Z")
> [@AR25](#): > > During the 2003 Iraq War, I noticed that embedded reporters and soldiers carried their own toilet paper when going out into the field. So, what would a soldier do if they needed to use toilet paper, but ran out and was a long distance from being resupplied? Send them the NYTimes or almost any other newspaper that emphasizes the bad news and neglets to report on all the good things the G.I.'s are doing! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/6 "2004-08-14T03:17:42Z")
> [@spingears](#): > > Send them the NYTimes or almost any other newspaper that emphasizes the bad news and neglets to report on all the good things the G.I.'s are doing! 🙂 Yes. Because it’s all about the contents of the G.I. tract. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/7 "2004-08-14T03:19:08Z")
If you run out of issue TP, you turn to “field-expedient” substitutes: leaves, bark, rocks, grass, shells, sand, small furry animals, your corporal’s bandana, etc. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jhinman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/779978/32.png) [@jhinman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jhinman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/8 "2004-08-14T03:48:29Z")
Slight off topic, but this is what happens when sailors run out of toilet paper: [http://www.snopes.com/language/document/skipjack.htm](http://www.snopes.com/language/document/skipjack.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/9 "2004-08-14T05:37:27Z")
[Blackadder goes Forth] “_King and Country_, without question my favorite magazine; soft, strong and thoroughly absorbent.”[/Blackadder] ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/10 "2004-08-14T07:12:30Z")
When I was in Viet Nam, I used to get some ribbing about always having four or five paperback books on my person. Once we were away from “civilization” for quite some time. I became a very popular person. The pages of cheap paperback books can come in very useful. However, I still want to know how the book “Rats, Lice and History” ends. ---
**Author:** ![legion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/838e76/32.png) [@legion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legion)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/11 "2004-08-14T09:58:48Z")
Pretty shittily, by all accounts! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/12 "2004-08-14T23:27:19Z")
This is from my extremely limited (Army Basic training field exercise) experience. 1.) Each MRE comes with a small packet of TP. There’s more TP in there than you would think by looking at the matchbook sized thing. 2.) MRE’s tend to plug you up. So you can collect a bunch of those TP packets before you’ll need one. However, the one time I was in the field I had to use the bathroom and the porta potty out there didn’t have any TP. I ended up using my t-shirt (the brown one that you wear under your BDU jacket). I ripped it into strips and used it, then went back to my tent and got another one. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/13 "2004-08-15T01:43:34Z")
There is an obscure facet of the life of those glamourous Knights Of The Sky, WWII fighter pilots, that is never discussed. Targets like Munich in Bavaria were 700 miles from bases in England. That’s a 1400 mile round trip and at the bombers’ speed of 230 mph it’s a 6 hour mission. You can bet that some of the escort pilots had to relieve themselves during the flight. I don’t know where the relief tube is on fighters but I suspect it is under the front of the seat and pulls up between the pilot’s legs. At least that was the arrangement on the Douglas A-26, also a single pilot machine. What with coveralls and parachute leg straps and all, it was a total bitch to use and you usually ended up all wet from the exercise. I can’t believe that the fighters’ arrangement was any more convenient. And that only took care, if you can call it that, of pissing. My guess would be that fighter pilots wore some sort of diaper to take care of the problem. Knowing the Army, there was probably even a Field Manual - _Post Flight Pilot Cleanup Procedure_ and \* Care and Treatment of Diaper Rash.\* John Wayne never seemed to face such messy details. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/14 "2004-08-15T01:52:05Z")
It was even worse in WW1. A lot of those open cockpit planes had engines that were lubricated with castor oil. Put a bullet through an oil line, and the fumes from the hot oil leaking onto the engine go straight back into the pilot’s face. Let us just say, for those who haven’t figured it out yet, that castor oil is a wonderful laxative, as generations of American children can attest. The fumes work even faster. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/15 "2004-08-15T03:27:43Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > It was even worse in WW1. A lot of those open cockpit planes had engines that were lubricated with castor oil. Put a bullet through an oil line, and the fumes from the hot oil leaking onto the engine go straight back into the pilot’s face. > > Let us just say, for those who haven’t figured it out yet, that castor oil is a wonderful laxative, as generations of American children can attest. > > The fumes work even faster. > > :eek: And what with aerial refueling it’s even more urgent today. For example, F-111’s attacked Libya via a non-stop flight from England out over the Atlantic, down to the Strait of Gibralter, almost the length of the Mediterranian Sea and return. And the pilots wore full pressure suits. I think the suits must have built-in facilities. And it didn’t take a bullet through the oil line. Many of the engines were rotaries which threw copious amounts of oil. Even the other engines put a lot of oil and fumes into the pilot’s face. Somehow gritty details like this didn’t get into the stories in the old pulp magazines like _G8 and His Battle Aces_. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/16 "2004-08-15T04:05:46Z")
I’m kinda surprised that nobody brought up the fact that you don’t really need much toilet paper when you’re scared shitless half the time. 😉 or you could just keep two or three sea shells handy. and finally…isn’t that why folks there shake with their left hands? ---
**Author:** ![Cerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/17 "2004-08-15T15:48:27Z")
:eek: _adds this thread to her List of Reasons I Never Joined the Military_ ---
**Author:** ![spingears](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@spingears](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spingears)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/18 "2004-08-15T16:30:13Z")
Maybe not exactly what is supplied in MRE’s, but more of it. \<[http://www.tortillaflataz.com/eshop/10Expand.asp?ProductCode=81](http://www.tortillaflataz.com/eshop/10Expand.asp?ProductCode=81)\> ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/19 "2004-08-15T16:37:24Z")
> [@DelawareEng](#): > > Kind of yucky but a soldier friend of mine told me an army trick is to lube your anus with vasaline before trips to the field, so that a BM will simply slip out without any mess. > > :dubious: :eek: :rolleyes: :dubious: 😛😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![ReverseCowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@ReverseCowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReverseCowgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778/20 "2004-08-15T18:11:11Z")
[slight hijack] On a related topic, ever wonder what female soldiers do about female issues? > [@](#): > > Packing Advice For Female Soldiers > Whether to bring tampons or sanitary pads on deployment is a personal preference decision, but the following should be considered: > > When operating in the field, wearing full BDUs (Battle Dress, Utility), ECWCS (Extreme Cold Weather Clothing System), boots, flack jacket and tactical equipment, it is time-consuming, difficult, and exposing to undress sufficiently to remove and replace a tampon. It is easier and faster to pull out a pad and replace it. > > Pads provide some protection of the genital area against the muck and grime of some field environments. They also absorb physiologic discharge and any urine leaks. Tampons provide no such protection and may “wick” dirty water up through the string, inoculating the vagina with whatever micro-organisms are present in the water. :eek: > [@](#): > > A box of tampons is very small, and takes up very little space in your gear. This is most useful for extended deployments, but may be important for short deployments as well. A box of pads takes up much more room. [http://www.hood-meddac.army.mil/default.asp?page=chn\_fsrg5&vi=n&mnu=2](http://www.hood-meddac.army.mil/default.asp?page=chn_fsrg5&vi=n&mnu=2) [/slight hijack] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-happens-when-soldiers-run-out-of-toilet-paper/258778.md?page=2)