# What have you always wanted to ask God?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [November 21, 1999, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396 "1999-11-21T20:50:00Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 13\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/21 "1999-11-22T04:14:00Z")

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I will gladly answer all of your questions, but you will only be further annoyed.

Just like on Jeopardy, I give answers in the form of questions.

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**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/22 "1999-11-22T04:42:00Z")

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What have you always wanted to ask, God?

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**Author:** ![Ophanim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8491ac/32.png) [@Ophanim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ophanim)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/23 "1999-11-22T05:36:00Z")

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Why is the tissue in my mouth so fragile? If I were going to put something sharp and pointy anywhere I’d at least put something strong around it.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words’ll make me sit in a darkened corner and cry for hours.  
Kyoko Baby,  
Shane

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**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/24 "1999-11-22T06:15:00Z")

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I’d ask him what he thought of being portrayed by George Burns, and if there really is a resemblance?

* * *

Yer pal,  
Satan

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**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/25 "1999-11-22T17:32:00Z")

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And if he looked like George Burns, I would tell him “You would have been better off if you were in the image of Alanis Morrisette.”

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La franchise ne consiste pas à dire tout ce que l’on pense, mais à penser tout ce que l’on dit.  
H. de Livry

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**Author:** ![Scoobysnax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Scoobysnax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoobysnax)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/26 "1999-11-22T17:38:00Z")

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What are the winning numbers for next week’s Lotto?

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Scoobysnax

Save water drink beer!

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**Author:** ![David\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/51bf81/32.png) [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/27 "1999-11-22T19:32:00Z")

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Well, heck, I can answer that one.

It’ll just take two weeks for delivery.

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**Author:** ![PurpleCrackwhore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc348/32.png) [@PurpleCrackwhore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleCrackwhore)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/28 "1999-11-22T19:37:00Z")

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why do you let innocent children suffer?

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“Only when he no longer knows what he is doing, does the painter do good  
things.” --Edgar Degas

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**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/29 "1999-11-22T19:37:00Z")

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Why are some of your followers such a narrow-minded bunch?

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If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.  
– John Kenneth Galbraith

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**Author:** ![MadPoet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/30 "1999-11-22T20:07:00Z")

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Hey god… there’s three words in the english language that end in “gry”…

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[http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com)  
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/31 "1999-11-22T20:26:00Z")

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Moses was just kidding, right?

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**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/32 "1999-11-22T21:25:00Z")

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So, god, you’ve got a son but no missus…hmmm

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**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-have-you-always-wanted-to-ask-god/11396/33 "1999-11-22T21:41:00Z")

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## About those Mormons. . . . .

\>^,^\<  
KITTEN  
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.

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