# What?! He isn't gay, he didn't flirt with me and I'm a woman! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 25, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636 "2013-04-25T01:56:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/1 "2013-04-25T01:56:11Z")
“You know that guy that works there the tall skinny guy?” “Yea the clean shaven guy?” “Yea I think he was, are you sure we’re talking about the same guy?” “Yes the tall skinny guy that’s gay” “WHAT?! he isn’t gay!” “Yea he is, the first time I met him he was flirting with me, I just ignored it and he never did again” “Well he didn’t flirt with me!” “I don’t imagine he would since you’re a woman duh” “Are you sure he was flirting with you? Maybe he was just drunk” “Yes I am sure he was flirting with me, and straight guys don’t flirt with other guys just cuz they are drunk” “Yes they do, straight guys are always flirting when they are drunk with anyone” “WHAT?! You seriously believe that?” “Well that is my experience” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/2 "2013-04-25T02:05:37Z")
Someone once thought I had the same attitude. I was describing a party I was at in New Orleans in which a guy (or two) after I told him I wasn’t gay, joked something to the effect of, yeah, maybe I wasn’t gay, but who knows what would happen after enough drinks. Someone later mentioned that they were flirting with me. I thought that that was pretty obvious, so I responded something to the effect of that they were drunk. The person who mentioned their flirting with me probably thought that I thought that when straight guys are drunk they flirt with everyone. I didn’t mean that. I meant that even if they were gay men, they’d have to be drunk to flirt with _me_ :smack: ---
**Author:** ![sunstone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunstone/32/3372_2.png) [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/3 "2013-04-25T02:09:57Z")
i’m not really sure what the underlying assumptions are here…I am a straight man, and don’t flirt…never have when I had a relationship…and I am presently married. Even when I was single (as best as I can recall…) flirting was pretty much directed at a particular person. I may be funny that way. At any rate, flirting is fun, and I encourage it at whatever levels are appropriate for the two (or more) humans involved. So OP, you are no doubt very attractive, but the dude is kinda like me. (Notice how a mild flirtation is slipped in there. No harm no foul. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/4 "2013-04-25T07:32:44Z")
Straight guy here who’s hung out with a lot of drunk guys. I’ve never seen any straight guys flirting with other men no matter how drunk they got. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/5 "2013-04-25T08:24:03Z")
Straight guy who’s hung out with plenty of sober straight guys while sober. We flirt with each other and make straight-out homoerotic proposals and references (that will never come to pass because we’re straight). People is weird. ETA: And no, the words “no homo” are not involved because being homosexual isn’t a bad thing. Making flirty jokes just ups the percentage of lame jokes and references we can make. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/6 "2013-04-25T13:55:58Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Straight guy here who’s hung out with a lot of drunk guys. I’ve never seen any straight guys flirting with other men no matter how drunk they got. Yep. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/7 "2013-04-25T15:41:49Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Straight guy here who’s hung out with a lot of drunk guys. I’ve never seen any straight guys flirting with other men no matter how drunk they got. Agree. That said, as a Gay guy, in my youth I saw lots of “straight” guys flirt with me after a few drinks, knowing I was Gay - but I would put those guys into the “closeted” category - and usually you could just ignore it - but often these same guys would get kind of pissed off when you didn’t leap at the chance. I have also seen many instances of hetero women with a few drinks in them getting royally pissed off when their flirtations didn’t work on a Gay guy. Sometimes they would know the guy was Gay, but often they didn’t - either way, was interesting to see how annoyed a woman can also be when her flirtations are ignored/spurned. And of course it is always interesting to see some half drunk guy hit on a Lesbian and be shocked to discover she had no interest whatsoever. I chalk it up to the supposed magical mystery powers of seduction people feel they have after a few drinks and think they are making an offer nobody could refuse. Wrong. Quite easy to refuse - even if sexually compatible. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/8 "2013-04-25T15:43:38Z")
This turned into a double post? ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/9 "2013-04-25T21:27:27Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Straight guy who’s hung out with plenty of sober straight guys while sober. We flirt with each other and make straight-out homoerotic proposals and references (that will never come to pass because we’re straight)… Something I found deeply confusing in high school. Granted our quarterback really did turn out to be bi. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2013, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/10 "2013-04-26T14:14:15Z")
Many years ago I was at a dinner party. I was introduced to this one lady, who for no reason at all, seemed rather standoffish to me. Later on that evening said girl is talking to one of her friends. She’s making sure she’s speaking loudly enough so that I can hear her: “Look at him. I think he’s gay. See how polite he is and he’s so well dressed” Even though I wasn’t a part of her stupid conversation, I felt compelled to jump in and tell her I’m not gay. Her response was a rude one “Are you sure?”. We had a rather long and contentious conversation after that. Which eventually, somehow led to us boinking each other at the end of the night. Not sure how that happened but it happened. OK, I’m not really sure what this has to do with the thread. I just felt like bragging. 😃 Sue me, it’s Friday and I’m in a good mood. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2013, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/11 "2013-04-26T14:34:30Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Straight guy here who’s hung out with a lot of drunk guys. I’ve never seen any straight guys flirting with other men no matter how drunk they got. I’ve seen it happen lots of times. I figure they usually aren’t being serious about it though. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2013, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/12 "2013-04-26T14:43:22Z")
As a gay guy who hangs out with straight guys who like to hang out with gay guys, I do see it happen from time to time, but only as a joke 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-he-isnt-gay-he-didnt-flirt-with-me-and-im-a-woman/656636/13 "2013-04-26T19:05:58Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Straight guy who’s hung out with plenty of sober straight guys while sober. We flirt with each other and make straight-out homoerotic proposals and references (that will never come to pass because we’re straight). Me too, but only with friends I know really well. It has never happened to me with someone I just met. Otherwise, my experience is like **Little Nemo** / **WhiteSIFL** ’s - drinking has never made me or any straight guy I know flirtatious with men.