# What I learned from Law & Order **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 26, 2004, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167 "2004-05-26T12:33:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/1 "2004-05-26T12:33:21Z")
When a loved one is murdered, do not cremate the body. They may need to dig up the body 10 years from now to do further DNA testing. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/2 "2004-05-26T12:39:16Z")
When homicide detectives come to talk to you, you should never stop what you were doing before they got there. Continue picking up hockey pucks, filing papers, whatever. They like that kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/3 "2004-05-26T12:59:22Z")
Also, when talking to homicide detectives, it’s best to spend the majority of your time facing away from them, perhaps with your back turned to them, but at least looking off to one side. They like that, too. ---
**Author:** ![thwartme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@thwartme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thwartme)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/4 "2004-05-26T12:59:39Z")
If you’re the first person arrested for a crime, don’t worry. It’ll turn out you didn’t do it. thwartme ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/5 "2004-05-26T13:11:24Z")
Don’t worry overly about search warrants. There’s always at least a 50/50 chance they screwed up the request and any evidence collected will be ruled inadmissible. Even if you are ruled “not guilty” by a jury at 55 miinutes after the hour, the hard charging proscecutor will find some diabolically clever way to convict you before the closing credits. That supposedly competent defense attorneys will let their clients chatter away like magpies, and let the DA hammer away at them in conferences. People who would apparently have an excellent chance of being acquitted even if re-tried will readily roll over for 10-20 year sentences in the last few minutes of the hour. ---
**Author:** ![Kid\_A\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Kid\_A\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kid_A_1)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/6 "2004-05-26T13:19:35Z")
If you murder someone, make sure it looks like a robbery. Always take their wallet and jewelry; do not leave it behind. ---
**Author:** ![absoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/7 "2004-05-26T13:41:45Z")
You will always be protected by your plea agreement if you immediately admit you did it and then later tearfully recant citing your love for the real killer. (You must be guilty for this to work.) ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/8 "2004-05-26T14:29:53Z")
When a body is discovered, crime scene investigative procedure demands that the senior detective offer a mordant quip about the victim and the circumstances of his/her death. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/9 "2004-05-26T14:35:13Z")
> [@Nonsuch](#): > > When a body is discovered, crime scene investigative procedure demands that the senior detective offer a mordant quip about the victim and the circumstances of his/her death. Likewise, a tough but world-weary District Attorney will use the case to make a cynical comment about the entire criminal justice system. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/10 "2004-05-26T15:05:34Z")
The police officer can manhandle you as long as his partner is in the room. Then said partner can dismiss the bitch-slapping with “I didn’t see anything.” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Prize](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Sir\_Prize](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Prize)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/11 "2004-05-26T16:00:52Z")
Even if there are more obvious suspects, if you are a name actor, you either did it or your child did it. ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/12 "2004-05-26T16:09:55Z")
Whatever you do, if you’re a cop, don’t get assigned to the Homicide squad at the 27th Precinct. Not only do you have to solve all your cases in a half hour, but you have to do all the work of the whole force, making arrests for robbery, rape, fraud, etc., even though there seems to be a station full of cops who are doing nothing. At least you can tell when you are on a hot lead, because you’ll hear this “chung chung” sound just before you talk to someone. ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/13 "2004-05-26T16:17:20Z")
Educated, articulate people with good jobs commit murder far more often than drug-addled low-lifes do. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/14 "2004-05-26T16:27:29Z")
Once you get to a certain level of your profession, all your lifelong friends who helped you get elected/saved your life in the war/drove you mad in law school will turn out to be corrupt criminals, and it will be your job to prosecute them. ---
**Author:** ![Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ass_For_A_Hat)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/15 "2004-05-26T16:38:17Z")
**"The tape is out."** Recorded evidence or confessions are never admissible at trial. ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/16 "2004-05-26T16:43:52Z")
That Angie Harmon is proof of a god’s existence… Along with, if you need to find a bar in any section of town, talk to Brisko (sp?) ---
**Author:** ![Art\_Metzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Art\_Metzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Art_Metzer)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/17 "2004-05-26T18:44:51Z")
You’re a minor character with an indirect relationship to the victim. Briscoe is questioning you. You think he’s finished his line of questioning, but then he says “Just one more thing…” Whatever answer you provide to the question that follows will be absolutely pivotal in pointing to whodunit. Double that if you start your response with “It’s probably nothing…” or “I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything…” ---
**Author:** ![Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ass_For_A_Hat)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/18 "2004-05-26T19:00:21Z")
> [@Evil Captor](#): > > Also, when talking to homicide detectives, it’s best to spend the majority of your time facing away from them, perhaps with your back turned to them, but at least looking off to one side. They like that, too. Also, feel free to end the interview at your slightest whim. Especially opportune times are: When your cab arrives. When your phone rings. When the kids on the youth sports team you coach begin to get out of hand. When your wife gets home (especially helpful if the victim was your mistress). Or whenever the hell you feel like it. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/19 "2004-05-26T19:10:30Z")
> [@FordPrefect](#): > > That Angie Harmon is proof of a god’s existence… Amen, brother. Amen. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167/20 "2004-05-26T19:37:08Z")
If you get a public defender, make sure it isn’t Shamballah Green (the semi-hot looking “Afrocentric” one). Her win-to-loss ratio is only slightly better than that of the Washington Generals. If you’re in Riker’s and a second-seat ADA questions you, angle for it to be Jamie (Carey Lowell). She’ll show a little skin if it’ll get useful information out of you. If Briscoe grills you, hint that you slept with one of his ex-wives. He’ll actually feel sympathy for you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-i-learned-from-law-order/247167.md?page=2)