# What if a Doper became president **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 18, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682 "2003-12-18T03:01:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/1 "2003-12-18T03:01:41Z")
Browsing around in the Pit I came across some typical Republican vs Democrat set to. I had the delicious thought that rather than being one of Bush’s defenders the poster could **be** George Bush (presumably with someone at his elbow to tell him how to spell the hard words). But even better would be if one of the current Dopers, say a mere lawyer paddling in the backblocks of local government, were in years to come become president. Assuming that she didn’t divulge her position of power how would our Doper pres participate on the boards? Defend policy decisions in Great Debates, answer back to insults in the Pit, accidently offer up top secret answers in GQ that are thwarted by a quick “Cite?”. Could Dopers influence the president by weight of numbers? Would the Secret Service monitor the presidents time on the boards? What would happen when the Washington Post found out the president was discussing policy on a board full of weirdos? And…which Doper would this president be? ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/2 "2003-12-18T03:06:17Z")
Serlin ---
**Author:** ![sundog66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@sundog66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sundog66)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/3 "2003-12-18T03:23:11Z")
don’t ask… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/4 "2003-12-18T03:31:06Z")
::at a congressional hearing:: …We regret to inform the citizens of the United States that the measure to repeal and replace the third amendment to the constitution with “Hi, Opal” was killed by the state of Utah. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/5 "2003-12-18T05:05:56Z")
::: Future “Doper” State of the Union Address :: My fellow Americans. We no longer need fear the threats to our nation from our enemies be they foreign or domestic. No longer need we cower in fear of vicious terrorist attacks. Working in conjunction with the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Secretary of Defense, the Pentagon, and all our branches of the armed services, we have embarked upon a research project to produce the ultimate weapon. That’s right. 1920’s Style Death Rays™ !!! ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/6 "2003-12-18T05:36:36Z")
_Lord of the Rings_ in the style of a State of the Union Address. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/7 "2003-12-18T05:37:44Z")
Followed by this statement: “All your oil are belong to US.” ---
**Author:** ![Macrophage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/87869e/32.png) [@Macrophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macrophage)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/8 "2003-12-18T06:09:51Z")
And, “I your burning Iraq”. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/9 "2003-12-18T06:25:48Z")
Listen, When you folks vote for me (and seriously, I am thinkin’ of running for public office someday), there won’t be any corruption involved [sub]but I can get you great deals on land in North Dakota[/sub]. Would I take advice from the Straigt Dope? I would, but you woudn’t know I was President. [sub]I listen to you folks’ voices already, with the position I have[/sub]. I’d never tell. HAH! Tripler Besides, when I become Overlord, you wouldn’t have a chance to change things anyway. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/10 "2003-12-18T06:46:51Z")
Well, If I was the doper who became President, be afraid. Be Very Afraid. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/11 "2003-12-18T06:49:30Z")
[wags finger]I never participated in that thread![/wags finger] ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/12 "2003-12-18T07:13:56Z")
If elected, I promise to push for legislation which will enact: Term limits: 6 yr for President, 3 yr for Congress and Senate Wage reductions of legislators=median wage Legislator benefits-restructure to that=Joe Public Mandatory military service for all upon graduation of high school unless medically deferred=4 year hitch beyond these, my initiative includes: NO MORE WEASELING! Crappy lawsuits, bereft of anything that a sane person would support are dismissed, and attorneys have the same 3 strikes rule as do criminals-file three crappy suits which are dismissed, and you’re disbarred. Along with this thought-if you used it (e.g. tobacco, booze) of your own free will, and you were advised that it had negative issues associated therewith, stop whining when it all catches up to you. DRUGS ARE LEGAL! Let law enforcement personnel deal with other crime issues. Pharmaceutical grade products, sold over the counter (as they were less than 100 years ago), taxed as are alcohol and tobacco products, together with the corollary reduction in jail space, and reduced enforcement costs ought to result in a net savings for the government. Betcha I never get elected! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/13 "2003-12-18T07:35:27Z")
Well, I like you legislators get median wage idea . . . ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/14 "2003-12-18T08:11:11Z")
Maybe Saddam gave in so quickly because he was sufferring from the syndrome known as SDMB withdrawal… Hope he gets a good internet connection in jail! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/15 "2003-12-18T08:28:02Z")
When come back bring WMD. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/16 "2003-12-18T12:23:14Z")
Now Mr. President, who’s this “Bodoni” woman you’re nominating to be Chief Justice. * * * XXIX Amendment to the Constitution: Don’t be a jerkl. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/17 "2003-12-18T13:17:59Z")
We could never have a Doper President. He/She’d be saying “Band Name!” every five minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/18 "2003-12-18T15:06:19Z")
Well, I suppose this is as good a time as any to broach the subject… 2 Nov 2004, aka Election Day, is my thirty-fifth birthday. I turn 35 at precisely 6:41 PM, well before the polls close on the East Coast. I now turn your attention to Article II, Section I, Clause 5 of the [U.S. Constitution](http://www.house.gov/Constitution/Constitution.html): > [@](#): > > No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office **who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years** , and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States. So, in short - vote **Olentzero** in 2004. It’s my birthday! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/19 "2003-12-18T15:41:24Z")
If nominated I shall not run for office. I’ll skip. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682/20 "2003-12-18T15:55:35Z")
Today from The Opal Office… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-a-doper-became-president/219682.md?page=2)