# What if all movies were merchandised like Star Wars **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 28, 2006, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521 "2006-02-28T21:27:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![robdavsuss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/58956e/32.png) [@robdavsuss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robdavsuss)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/1 "2006-02-28T21:27:39Z")
First of all, what the F is this? [Darth Vader with missle-launching glider cape!](http://www.hasbro.com/default.cfm?page=browse&product_id=16435) Now, I know that Lucas does not personally approve every bit of licensing and probably doesn’t even know this thing exisit, but c’mon. Missle. Launching. Glider. Cape. Jesus!!! So, it got me wondering what other wonderful opportunities we would have if all movies were merchandised the Star Wars way. The first thing that comes to mind is a great new breakfast cereal… FrodOhs! ---
**Author:** ![caveman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caveman/32/7242_2.png) [@caveman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caveman)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/2 "2006-02-28T21:34:03Z")
> [@robdavsuss](#): > > First of all, what the F is this? [Darth Vader with missle-launching glider cape!](http://www.hasbro.com/default.cfm?page=browse&product_id=16435) Now, I know that Lucas does not personally approve every bit of licensing and probably doesn’t even know this thing exisit, but c’mon. Missle. Launching. Glider. Cape. Jesus!!! > > So, it got me wondering what other wonderful opportunities we would have if all movies were merchandised the Star Wars way. The first thing that comes to mind is a great new breakfast cereal… FrodOhs! _Brokeback Mountain_ action figures with kung-fu grip? ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/3 "2006-02-28T21:37:44Z")
Well, I don’t know about you, but I definitely want a missle-launching glider cape. I could swoop over to the drugstore to pick up a prescription and blow up a couple of cars on the way home! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/4 "2006-02-28T21:41:05Z")
> [@](#): > > Missle. Launching. Glider. Cape. Jesus!!! **Missile-launching Glider-cape Jesus®** is available from _Ministry of War_ Toyco. ( **Wrath-O’-God Cross-bow®** sold separately.) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/5 "2006-02-28T21:44:52Z")
The **Charles Foster Kane** sled. You’ll wish you were a kid again! ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/6 "2006-02-28T22:26:35Z")
> [@caveman](#): > > _Brokeback Mountain_ action figures with kung-fu grip? And lifelike hair definitely lifelike hair. How about Rock’Em Sock’Em Cinderella Man? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/7 "2006-02-28T22:36:33Z")
Spielberg’s _Munich_ Arab Terrorist Killer Playset: don’t just chase the bad guys but blow the hell out of 'em! All action figures come with miniature Beretta .22s and actualy explosives! Olympic team figures come prewired for real blood action. (Far less controversial than the Schindler’s List playset.) _Capote_ action figures: push the button on Tru’s back and hear him tell 21 different lies about his past. Comes with a Catherine Kenner/Harper Lee action figure so that your GI Joe’s won’t beat the hell out of him. Also available: The In Cold Play Dough Murder Scene playset and the Barbie Kitchen Jail set. _RENT_- you loved the Life Support meetings in the movie, now you can have one right in your own home! Comes with three semi-transparent figures so you can recreate the fadeout effect from the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/8 "2006-02-28T22:50:14Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Comes with a Catherine **Kenner** /Harper Lee **action figure** … [Most relevant typo ever](http://www.toysrgus.com/images-store/collect-12.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/9 "2006-02-28T22:57:25Z")
If all movies were marketed like _Star Wars_, I could finally get that _Remains of the Day_ lunchbox. ---
**Author:** ![bubastis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d07c76/32.png) [@bubastis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubastis)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/10 "2006-02-28T23:18:10Z")
I’m with you on the missile cape thing… I get pretty annoyed with all the spin-off toys that the “real” character would NEVER use… Batman toys especially; it isnt enough that a kid has a batman figure, he has to have super-combat-nightglo-heatseeking-ribbedforpleasure-deluxe Batman, loaded down with all sorts of shit that, if it were in real life, Bats would’nt be able to walk, let alone fight crime. Spider-man, as well; you have a spider-car, spider-bike, spider-chopper, spider-plane… He doesnt need a spider car! He’s Spider-Man! He fucking swings about!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: As for what other merchandise we could get out of movies, I always wanted a William Munny Unforgiven action figure, complete with pigs and a laser guided SMART gun with armor piercing flechettes, and a Dog Day Afternoon playset complete with sex-change clinic attached, and a little electronic voice “Attaca! Attaca!” ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/11 "2006-02-28T23:32:27Z")
> [@bubastis](#): > > He doesnt need a spider car! For a while, he did own a Spider Buggy. He built it with the help of Johnny Storm, The Human Torch. It was a beach buggy. But, at the flip of a switch, it transformed into the Spider Buggy. There were web shooters on the hood. There was also a Spidey Signal. Spidey would turn that on to blind and distract criminals. When Mysterio, master of illusions, launched an attack that included an illusionary street, Spidey drove the buggy into the harbor. AFAIK, It remains there to this day. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/12 "2006-02-28T23:41:07Z")
> [@caveman](#): > > _Brokeback Mountain_ action figures with kung-fu grip? Outsold by _Twister - The Brokeback Mountain Edition_ ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/13 "2006-02-28T23:49:43Z")
The _Serenity_ Reavers - collect them all! Each one comes with lifelike biting jaws and a weapon! Watch those fingers kids! And collect the Reaver ships - each comes with lifelike bodies strapped on! Decorate with your own blood! ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2006, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/14 "2006-02-28T23:51:59Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > For a while, he did own a Spider Buggy. He built it with the help of Johnny Storm, The Human Torch. It was a beach buggy. But, at the flip of a switch, it transformed into the Spider Buggy. There were web shooters on the hood. There was also a Spidey Signal. Spidey would turn that on to blind and distract criminals. When Mysterio, master of illusions, launched an attack that included an illusionary street, Spidey drove the buggy into the harbor. AFAIK, It remains there to this day. I’m pretty sure they recently built a new one. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/15 "2006-03-01T00:04:28Z")
Dead Ringers- Gynecological Instruments For Operating On Mutant Women- Just like in the movie! Collect the whole set! Gyn-O’s Start each day with Gyn-O’s! These wheat cervixes taste great, and are packed with vitamins! Gyn-O’s, because a radical breakfast is required! ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/16 "2006-03-01T00:33:08Z")
> [@Ghanima](#): > > The _Serenity_ Reavers - collect them all! Each one comes with lifelike biting jaws and a weapon! Watch those fingers kids! And collect the Reaver ships - each comes with lifelike bodies strapped on! Decorate with your own blood! Didn’t know if you were joking or not, but they have them: [http://shop.store.yahoo.com/timespacetoys/sereacfi.html](http://shop.store.yahoo.com/timespacetoys/sereacfi.html) ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/17 "2006-03-01T01:06:21Z")
Hey, I might drop a few dollars on the _Eyes Wide Shut_ action set. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/18 "2006-03-01T01:14:17Z")
> [@robdavsuss](#): > > … > So, it got me wondering what other wonderful opportunities we would have if all movies were merchandised the Star Wars way. … I’m definitely seeing a line of _Fight Club_ designer bath soap… ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/19 "2006-03-01T01:19:51Z")
> [@Laughing Lagomorph](#): > > I’m definitely seeing a line of _Fight Club_ designer bath soap… How would you advertise it? “New Fi- oh, wait rule number 1. Ummm- Soap! Yes soap just like umm that thing…” Titanic, now there’s a line of bath products. A large ship that breaks in half when the hidden button is pushed by A large plastic iceberg, which causes panic among all the Action figures ---
**Author:** ![Threadkiller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aca169/32.png) [@Threadkiller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Threadkiller)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2006, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521/20 "2006-03-01T01:32:42Z")
[_My Dinner With Andre_](http://imdb.com/title/tt0082783/) Action Figures! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-movies-were-merchandised-like-star-wars/346521.md?page=2)