# What if all the spiders decided to kill me? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 28, 2013, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757 "2013-07-28T22:10:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/1 "2013-07-28T22:10:52Z")
I just squished a spider (hey, it was him or me!) and it got me to thinking. Accept this hypothetical. Say that for whatever reason, every spider in the world decided that I had to die and they were coming for me right now. Every spider in the world knows exactly where I am at all times and they immediately head in my direction to try and take me out, even the non poisonous ones who presumably will try to smother me through weight of numbers. What should I do? How will I survive this? Do I even want to considering I might have to live the rest of my life with a flood of spiders constantly chasing me? ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/2 "2013-07-28T22:13:41Z")
That’s why I don’t kill them. Ever. Keepin’ my spider karma clean. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/3 "2013-07-28T22:31:04Z")
While we’d miss you, **bucketybuck** , we will also salute your sacrifice so the rest of us can live spider free. For a bit. Put up a good fight! Please. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/4 "2013-07-28T22:48:37Z")
I’m pretty sure you’re completely screwed unless you either move to a spiderless island somewhere or live on an airplane. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/5 "2013-07-28T22:55:10Z")
If all the spiders in the world are after you, and they’re working together and are prepared to sacrifice themselves to get you, there’s probably almost no way to construct defences against them - if you put yourself in a mesh cage, they could overwhelm and smother the mesh, suffocating you. Moving to the South Pole might do it. ---
**Author:** ![aNewLeaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@aNewLeaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aNewLeaf)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/6 "2013-07-28T22:57:19Z")
Please set up a web cam ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/7 "2013-07-28T23:00:08Z")
I would strongly consider getting on a boat and heading out to the middle of the ocean somewhere. Supply boats can keep you restocked but you’ll have to try to trick the spiders so they never know which boat is on its way to restock your food and water supplies. The South Pole is also not a bad idea, but again you have the same resupply issues. Just how smart are these buggers? If they know exactly where you are at all times, they’re going to know you need supplies so they’re going to be able to infest every supply ship possible to get to you, right? I don’t think you have a chance any other way. Maybe if you could convince the president to let you on Air Force One, they could keep you in the air in a sealed fuselage indefinitely (I believe AFO can refuel in midair). ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/8 "2013-07-28T23:02:04Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > …or live on an airplane. Some spiders can [fly](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballooning_%28spider%29). > [@](#): > > Many sailors have reported spiders being caught in their ship’s sails, over 1600 km[sup][11][/sup] from land (Heimer 1988). They have even been detected in atmospheric data balloons collecting air samples at slightly less than 5 km (16000 ft) above sea level.[sup][12][/sup] Evidently it is the most common way for spiders to invade isolated islands and mountaintops.[sup][11][13][/sup] Spiderlings are known to survive without food travelling in air currents of jet streams for 25 days or longer.[sup][4][/sup] ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/9 "2013-07-28T23:09:14Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Just how smart are these buggers? When the question occurred to me I was thinking that they just had an instinctual urge to kill me, rather than any logical plan, so I don’t really see them waiting for a boat to come along. They are still just spiders, rather than super smart spiders. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/10 "2013-07-28T23:21:53Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Some spiders can [fly](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballooning_%28spider%29). … whelp, OP is boned. Can I have all your non-spider infested stuff, bucketybuck? ---
**Author:** ![aNewLeaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@aNewLeaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aNewLeaf)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/11 "2013-07-28T23:22:55Z")
There’s probably not many spiders on ISS. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/12 "2013-07-28T23:32:25Z")
What about Spider-Man? Does he want you dead too? ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/13 "2013-07-28T23:33:17Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > I’m pretty sure you’re completely screwed unless you either move to a spiderless island somewhere or live on an airplane. Samuel L. might have something to say about that second option. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/14 "2013-07-28T23:39:14Z")
> [@aNewLeaf](#): > > There’s probably not many spiders on ISS. I guess Mars is out though. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/15 "2013-07-28T23:47:46Z")
Yeah, you’d have to watch out for Weird and Gilly. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/16 "2013-07-28T23:53:57Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > Yeah, you’d have to watch out for Weird and Gilly. **golf clap** ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/17 "2013-07-29T00:02:47Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > When the question occurred to me I was thinking that they just had an instinctual urge to kill me, rather than any logical plan, so I don’t really see them waiting for a boat to come along. They are still just spiders, rather than super smart spiders. How strong is the urge? If they aren’t smart, then a lot of them would die on the migration from Europe/Asia/Africa/Australia trying to get to the U.S. (Presuming you’re an USAian…) What’s really scary is that you could be defining an evolutionary drive. The ones who don’t get you won’t have offspring. They’ll end up getting tougher… ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/18 "2013-07-29T00:06:28Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > How strong is the urge? Total. They really want me dead. ---
**Author:** ![Measure\_for\_Measure](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/measure_for_measure/32/557_2.png) [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/19 "2013-07-29T01:12:00Z")
2 house boats. One of those beekeeper outfits. Have your crew stock one up with food while you keep the little buggers occupied in your mesh covered boat, floating in the middle of a lake. Periodically abandon one mesh-sealed boat for another. Choose a lake with docks on opposing sides of it. Maybe drive somewhere else when the bioregion gets too crowded. ## Humans move faster than spiders. At least if they are running or in a moving vehicle. Also, I think bucketybuck could secure full support from the housefly lobby. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/20 "2013-07-29T01:21:13Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > I just squished a spider (hey, it was him or me!) and it got me to thinking. > > Accept this hypothetical. Say that for whatever reason, every spider in the world decided that I had to die and they were coming for me right now. Every spider in the world knows exactly where I am at all times and they immediately head in my direction to try and take me out, even the non poisonous ones who presumably will try to smother me through weight of numbers. > > What should I do? How will I survive this? Do I even want to considering I might have to live the rest of my life with a flood of spiders constantly chasing me? You’re screwed. Don’t worry about the rest of your life, you don’t have much of it left. Just sit down, put your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye. So the least you can do is make it entertaining for everyone else. I suggest move from Ireland to London so we can all watch the updates on TV as a blanket of spiders slowly smothers London as the close in on you from all sides.😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757.md?page=2)