# What if all the spiders decided to kill me? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 28, 2013, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757 "2013-07-28T22:10:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/61 "2013-07-30T15:22:25Z")
You’e going to have to die, my friend. We need those spiders, whether people like them or not. Best just to get a gun and do it quickly. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/62 "2013-07-30T15:53:14Z")
Dig a huge ditch around yourself and line it with bathtub enamel. Experience tells me there’s no way the feckers will get out of there. ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/63 "2013-07-31T07:05:19Z")
Take off and nuke them from orbit. ---
**Author:** ![PAjoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pajoe/32/58_2.png) [@PAjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PAjoe)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/64 "2013-07-31T16:12:34Z")
Spiders are not that intelligent. Put on some Groucho glasses and they won’t know that it’s you. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/65 "2013-07-31T18:35:43Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > Dig a huge ditch around yourself and line it with bathtub enamel. > > Experience tells me there’s no way the feckers will get out of there. They will when the ditch fills up with wriggling black multi-legged doom. Now **there’s** a visual! ---
**Author:** ![ruh-roh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ruh-roh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruh-roh)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/66 "2013-07-31T20:51:14Z")
If you don’t want to move to some remote, inhospitable place then I would suggest you first do a quick read of “Leiningen Versus the Ants”. Then learn how to tap dance and get yourself a pair of those big clown-shoes. You are on your own to figure out how to do nap times and potty breaks. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/67 "2013-07-31T22:07:24Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > When all the spiders are amassed in the south, just take a plane to some northern location, like Canada, and live there for as long as it takes the spiders to crawl north and approach you It did occur to me that there would be a business opportunity. Say I rock up to some Australian tourist resort and offer to sit in a boat a couple of hundred miles away. Said resort can then advertise to tourists a completely poisonous spider free holiday! But then it also occurred to me that there may be some countries perfectly happy to shoot me dead rather than let me travel across their land or air, trailing a flood of millions of spiders behind me. If no country will let me cross their border, thats going to make staying mobile a lot harder. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/68 "2013-07-31T22:32:46Z")
> [@coremelt](#): > > After a month or so all the spiders in the world will go extinct (since they weren’t stopping to mate or hunt and were just marching uncontrollably towards you) and you can come out. The extinction of spiders will cause mosquitoes and flies to swarm uncontrollably and may well have severe effects on the ecosystem that we can’t predict, but at least you won’t be followed anymore 😉 I would gladly sacrifice every living thing on this planet if it meant the eradication of the minions of Dogar & Kazon. That said, if I caught wind of such a spidery plan as advanced in the OP, I’d be dead by gunshot within minutes. Even if my victory was assured, I would not be up to the battle. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/69 "2013-08-01T04:06:44Z")
If you were a one of the Southwest Indian groups, you’d never kill a spider to begin with. Reference the tale of the [Spider Grandmother](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider_Grandmother). ---
**Author:** ![Whammo72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/77aa72/32.png) [@Whammo72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo72)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/70 "2013-08-01T17:18:56Z")
Just be thankful Spider _Monkeys_ don’t come into play! ---
**Author:** ![mandala](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mandala/32/95_2.png) [@mandala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandala)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/71 "2013-08-01T19:44:18Z")
How about you dress up to look like a big freaky mutated spider yourself, complete with a gooey web spinning sphincter? Your arachnid enemies will not be able to recognize you anymore. You might have some trouble entering and exiting your office though, and your boss will probably deny you a promotion until you reform your arachnid tendencies. ---
**Author:** ![agnesnitt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d78d45/32.png) [@agnesnitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agnesnitt)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/72 "2013-08-01T21:38:19Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > This would make a really good movie. And strangely, there has been a movie that is very close to this exact story. “[Kingdom of the Spiders](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076271/)”…drumrolll…starring… more drumroll…William Shatner. The fact that I’ve seen this movie in its first run on TV should tell you I wasted my youth. ---
**Author:** ![sylmar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@sylmar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sylmar)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2013, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/73 "2013-08-02T11:41:37Z")
> [@Measure\_for\_Measure](#): > > 2 house boats. One of those beekeeper outfits. Have your crew stock one up with food while you keep the little buggers occupied in your mesh covered boat, floating in the middle of a lake. Periodically abandon one mesh-sealed boat for another. Choose a lake with docks on opposing sides of it. Maybe drive somewhere else when the bioregion gets too crowded. > > ## Humans move faster than spiders. At least if they are running or in a moving vehicle. > > Also, I think bucketybuck could secure full support from the housefly lobby. Just don’t let them get you cornered up against a wall. Because then you’d be stuck between arach’nd a hard place… ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2013, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/74 "2013-08-02T23:20:24Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > But then it also occurred to me that there may be some countries perfectly happy to shoot me dead rather than let me travel across their land or air, trailing a flood of millions of spiders behind me. If no country will let me cross their border, thats going to make staying mobile a lot harder. Just don’t make your plight known to anyone. Traveling between two locations thousand of miles apart with spiders crawling toward you, but never getting closer to you than hundreds of miles should not draw suspicion to you. It would be unlikely scientists would even surmise that the spider attractor was even a living creature. Some type of non-organic quality would be considered more likely, like magnetic field differences. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/75 "2013-08-03T01:50:17Z")
> [@sylmar](#): > > Just don’t let them get you cornered up against a wall. > > Because then you’d be stuck between arach’nd a hard place… Allow me to be the first to boo this. booooooooo. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Bangstry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/65b543/32.png) [@Bangstry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bangstry)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/76 "2013-08-03T03:11:45Z")
Well if the word has been sent out to ‘get bucky’ then my house spiders are clearly neutral towards you as they are still happily fighting the small colony of silverfish\* residing between the washing machine and my flash dutch sink units,i believe in a live and let live world and make no attempt to kill anything that crawls hops or scuttles in uninvited and as such the spiders and silverfish are completely tame,maybe they have extended the leg of friendship towards you in your time of chrysalis. \*however what these eat is a mystery as my kitchen is new and rather clean. ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/77 "2013-08-03T05:35:34Z")
> [@sylmar](#): > > Just don’t let them get you cornered up against a wall. > > Because then you’d be stuck between arach’nd a hard place… > [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > Allow me to be the first to boo this. > > booooooooo. > 😛 Seconded! booooooooooo! hissssssssssssss! 😃 ETA: You _paid_ for a ‘Custom Title’, and you couldn’t come up with _ **anything** _? 😕 😉 ---
**Author:** ![sylmar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@sylmar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sylmar)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/78 "2013-08-03T10:44:04Z")
Maybe I should wait for the mob to put down the torches and pitchforks before breaking out my mime routine … 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/79 "2013-08-03T13:53:28Z")
> [@JBDivmstr](#): > > ETA: You _paid_ for a ‘Custom Title’, and you couldn’t come up with _ **anything** _? 😕 > 😉 Do you see anyone else with such a glorious, unique title? I change it occasionally. Maybe it’s time. It would confuse others reading your comment. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757/80 "2013-08-03T14:29:58Z")
I see nothing for the OP to get upset about. May as well get a good night’s sleep… [Sweet Dreams](http://bit.ly/1bWBjwI). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-all-the-spiders-decided-to-kill-me/664757.md?page=5)