# What if God WERE one of us, moron! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 31, 2002, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761 "2002-05-31T18:04:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/1 "2002-05-31T18:04:54Z")
“What if God was one of us?” I’d completely forgotten how much this stupid song used to piss me off but my local radio station has put it back in rotation so I get to rant all over again. In the first place, two words: subjunctive voice. If the statement is speculative you don’t say “was” you say “were”. “What if God were one of us?” You should have learned this in junior high school. Oh, wait, I suppose you were too busy skipping school so you could learn how to barely play the guitar. In the second place supposedly about 2000 years ago God WAS one of us! Ever heard of somebody named Jesus Christ? Or Christianity … does that ring a bell? It’s an entire religion based on the idea that – get this – for a while, God was one of us! Just a slob like one of us! Trying to make it on his own! That’s the whole fucking point of Christianity! God loved mankind enough to come live among us as a simple man and die a painful death. So the answer to your question, “What if God was one of us?” is “Well, that would be Jesus.” And I’m not even a Christian … . ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/2 "2002-05-31T18:10:04Z")
Hmm, well maybe she meant it in a different (non-speculative) kind of way, such as, “(So) what if God WAS one of us?” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/3 "2002-05-31T18:15:17Z")
If it were true that Jesus was God, he sure as hell wasn’t “one of us”. I can’t speak for you, but I’m pretty sure I’m not part of the Holy Trinity. Not to mention all those sins I commit… ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/4 "2002-05-31T18:23:39Z")
Well, “were” also doesn’t rhyme with “us.” Poetic license, and all that. Although that song is rather annoying anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/5 "2002-05-31T18:23:47Z")
Tenses? We don’t need no stinkin’ tenses. ---
**Author:** ![Newton\_meter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/57b2e6/32.png) [@Newton\_meter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newton_meter)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/6 "2002-05-31T18:28:40Z")
Yeah, but was Jesus “just a stranger on the bus”? Was he “trying to make his way home, like a holy rolling stone”? I just about crapped myself with laughter the first time I heard it, and only later realized that it wasn’t a novelty song but an incisive social commentary. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/7 "2002-05-31T18:28:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferrous \* > \*\*Well, “were” also doesn’t rhyme with “us.” Poetic license, and all that. Although that song is rather annoying anyway. \*\* “Was” doesn’t rhyme with “us” either. And even if it did, she could go for an end-rhyme, such as: _What if God were one of us? Would He deign to ride the bus?_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Newton\_meter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/57b2e6/32.png) [@Newton\_meter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newton_meter)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/8 "2002-05-31T18:32:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > \*\*If it were true that Jesus was God, he sure as hell wasn’t “one of us”. I can’t speak for you, but I’m pretty sure I’m not part of the Holy Trinity. Not to mention all those sins I commit… \*\* I’d hate to argue with you over this, but isn’t the idea that Jesus both wholly _was_ and _was not_ one of us? ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/9 "2002-05-31T18:41:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*“Was” doesn’t rhyme with “us” either. \*\* Not exactly, but pretty close. “Alliterates”? Whatever… ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/10 "2002-05-31T18:53:57Z")
In addition to being one of the dumbest rants I’ve ever heard, it is also one of the least timely. It’s about 6 or 7 years late. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/11 "2002-05-31T19:00:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferrous \* > \*\* > Not exactly, but pretty close. “Alliterates”? Whatever… \*\* Slant rhyme. But you don’t need a rhyme there. “What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us?” Why does the first line need a rhyme if the second one doesn’t? Nah, it’s not poetic license. Just ignorance. “Winston tastes good like a cigarette should.” “Don’t you mean, AS a cigarette should?” “What do you want, good grammar, or good taste?” ---
**Author:** ![Newton\_meter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/57b2e6/32.png) [@Newton\_meter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newton_meter)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/12 "2002-05-31T19:09:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*In addition to being one of the dumbest rants I’ve ever heard, it is also one of the least timely. It’s about 6 or 7 years late. \*\* All the cool people were ripping this song 6 or 7 years ago. Now it’s just _passe_. I think _Moby Dick_ is the best American novel. Oh crap! Can I say that here, or is it too late? ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/13 "2002-05-31T19:17:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pochacco \* > \*\*Slant rhyme. But you don’t need a rhyme there. > \*\* Ah, thanks for the vocabulary lesson. (Seriously:) ) But _need_ a rhyme there? Maybe she _wanted_ a rhyme there. What the fuck? She didn’t _need_ to write a song at all. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/14 "2002-05-31T19:23:16Z")
Actually, the song title does have it correct. “Were” is the form of the verb “to be” used in English if one is expressing a conditional event. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/15 "2002-05-31T19:24:25Z")
I think the fact that she seems to have missed a little movement called “Christianity” is entirely beside the point. What chews my pickle is that it’s so droolingly, sophomorically, don’t-spill-the-bongwater-and-hey-pass-the-Frito’s amateurishly shallow. I’ve spouted deeper profundity on the toilet. I can just see some navel-gazing college freshman with a pot perma-grin looking blearily up and saying, “Hey man. What if, like, God was one of us, man?” “Whoa.” ---
**Author:** ![Jello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@Jello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jello)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/16 "2002-05-31T19:24:38Z")
I’ve always preferred What if God smoked cannibis? Hit the bong like some of us? ---
**Author:** ![Newton\_meter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/57b2e6/32.png) [@Newton\_meter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newton_meter)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/17 "2002-05-31T19:44:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferrous \* > \*\*What the fuck? She didn’t _need_ to write a song at all. \*\* Yeah, that might have been better. ---
**Author:** ![cagiva650](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cagiva650](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cagiva650)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/18 "2002-05-31T19:46:46Z")
Joan Osborne fan checking in, and correction please the name of the song is\* One Of Us\* It’s a \* Wild World So What you gonna do Son of a preacher Man Get Up Jack \* and - Flyaway \* as i’m - Dreamin’ About The Day\* the - Match Burns Twice\* on your - Fingerprints Crazy Baby\* ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/19 "2002-05-31T19:54:47Z")
It’s also a cover - Joan Osborne didn’t write it. ---
**Author:** ![Newton\_meter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/57b2e6/32.png) [@Newton\_meter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newton_meter)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761/20 "2002-05-31T20:10:48Z")
Quick web search turns up that it was written by Eric Bazilian (of the Hooters) _for Joan Osborne_. She was the first to record it (on 1995’s “Relish” album). Not exactly a cover. Appears to have been recorded in 1996 by Prince (or was he “formerly known as” then?). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-god-were-one-of-us-moron/111761.md?page=2)