# What if I ate this toy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334 "2006-06-19T18:36:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/61 "2006-06-21T14:33:20Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] if you ingested Mentos, Diet Coke, and a toy octopus. [/QUOTE] I imagine the octopus would obtain escape velocity. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/62 "2006-06-21T14:34:06Z")
[QUOTE=Anastasaeon] Oh dear. :smack: **Con** sult. [/QUOTE] I think your original version was funnier. Plus, I think that if **Inigo** insults his doctor, and then asks for him to remove an expandable octopus from his colon…hijinks will ensue. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/63 "2006-06-21T16:33:13Z")
OK, that guy has been soaking for 36 hours. It’s huge and still very rigid. It was uncomfortably larger than original size, maybe abour twice as big, after a mere 24 hours of soaking and not at all flexible. Given my guts cycle at about 24 hours I’m thinking this would act as a large circular object with many rigid and snaggy bits with which to grip the inside of my guts. I see the thing finding a nice comfy spot high in my small intenstine where it could nestle itself and grow to full size whilst absorbing my yumyum fluids. Basically, I’m thinking it’s a lawn ornament for Mr. Tapeworm. I shall continue to monitor it…perhaps after a few days of agony it would assume the consistency of a wet pancake and resume its fantastic voyage. ---
**Author:** ![Glassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ea666f/32.png) [@Glassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glassy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/64 "2006-06-21T16:50:33Z")
Is it slimy? And … is slimy fun? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/65 "2006-06-21T17:02:36Z")
It is most definitely slimy, but not in a particularly fun way. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/66 "2006-06-21T18:01:23Z")
Man, you should have eaten it! It would have made for a great _Alien_ moment in the operating theatre… ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/67 "2006-06-21T20:07:24Z")
Well then. I guess there’s nothing left to be done but an attempt at swallowing that cactus. Whole. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2006, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/68 "2006-06-21T20:13:02Z")
[QUOTE=UncleBeer] I guess there’s nothing left to be done but an attempt at swallowing that cactus. Whole. [/QUOTE] I duuno, his chewing the cactus has something to be said for it. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/69 "2006-06-23T15:11:07Z")
I have this terrible mental image of **Inigo** crapping octopus for a solid three days. Or crapping solid octopus for three days. Take your pick. ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/70 "2006-06-23T16:28:02Z")
And once again, Inigo narrowly misses winning a [Darwin Award](http://www.darwinawards.com/). Damn. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/71 "2006-06-23T17:19:15Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] For fuck’s sake don’t eat it. I’d hate for this to turn out to be one of those ‘told u i wuz hardcore’ moments. [/QUOTE] What the hell is wrong with you? You are sugesting he not eat it? Your name is **Mangetout** for God’s sake! ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/72 "2006-06-23T17:28:08Z")
> [@](#): > > Inigo Montoya: My father was slaughtered by an eight-tentacled octopus. He was a great sushi-maker, my father. When the eight-tentacled octopus appeared and requested a special sushi, my father took the job. He slaved a year before it was done. > [Shows the Expandable Octopus the sushi] > Expandable Octopus: I’ve never seen its equal. > Inigo Montoya: The eight-tentacled octopus returned and demanded it, but at one tenth his promised price, my father refused. Without a word, the eight-tentacled octopus slashed him through the heart. I loved my father. So naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel. I failed. The eight-tentacled octopus left me alive, but he gave me these. > [strokes the slime on his cheeks] > Expandable Octopus: How old were you? > Inigo Montoya: I was eleven years old. And when I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of cooking. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the eight-tentacled octopus and say, “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to diet.” [sub]Post [27](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7503284&postcount=27) came close to the line, but I just couldn’t resist. :D[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/73 "2006-06-23T17:33:30Z")
We threw one of the capsule foam toys in a 2 liter bottle of water once. It was the Statue of Liberty and, unlike [similar products](http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=6042997932&category=19170) we had used in the past, it simply wouldn’t stop growing. Eventually the lantern began emerging from the neck of the bottle. Talk about slime; we finally gave up and tossed the whole thing after it become a copper-patina-colored grotesque lump. But it would have been a lot easier going down than that Oc. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/74 "2006-06-23T17:34:37Z")
“How do you think it got up there?” “I don’t know, maybe you got drunk and shoved it up your ass.” /Jackass: The Movie ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/75 "2006-06-23T17:37:14Z")
Get it right, **Corner Case** … It was a _nine_-tentacled octapus. ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/76 "2006-06-23T17:39:37Z")
[QUOTE=Chronos] Get it right, **Corner Case** … It was a _nine_-tentacled octapus. [/QUOTE] It _used_ to have nine… ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/77 "2006-06-23T17:54:10Z")
well, now, thanks to **Corner Case** , when ever I read \*\*Inigo’s \*\* posts, I will hear Mandy Patakin’s voice. (like I didn’t already 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/78 "2006-06-23T18:06:48Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] we finally gave up and tossed the whole thing [/QUOTE] Does Homeland Security know about this? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/79 "2006-06-23T19:09:45Z")
An increase to 600% of original size suggests that each dimension will increase by about 1.8x (180%). If, as **Inigo** reports, it has approximately doubled in size, I would say it has about finished growing. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334/80 "2006-06-23T19:10:48Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Does Homeland Security know about this? [/QUOTE] We considered burning it in the public square but it was too soggy. Why do I hate America? > [@Chronos](#): > > Get it right, Corner Case… It was a nine-tentacled octapus. The wily novopus! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-i-ate-this-toy/361334.md?page=5)