# What if "Oliver Twist" was written by someone else? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 14, 2014, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431 "2014-05-14T12:28:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/1 "2014-05-14T12:28:47Z")
We already have a [Christmas Carol parody thread](http://http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=448634) and a [LOTR parody thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=164293) How would the other most-filmed Dickens novel turn out if other people wrote it? Nearly everyone knows the basic story; orphan in workhouse asks for more food, is apprenticed to undertaker, mistreated, joins street gang, and is finally discovered to be from well-off family. ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/2 "2014-05-14T12:51:41Z")
EDIT: _Spinoff from Christmas Carol thread_. I always seem to make mistakes in my OPs! ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/3 "2014-05-15T22:45:58Z")
I really can’t believe I’m doing this but… bump ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/4 "2014-05-16T21:34:02Z")
It would be a lot shorter. ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/5 "2014-05-16T23:24:57Z")
> [@Teacake](#): > > It would be a lot shorter. Sure about that?😛 Isn’t the _Wheel of Time_ series supposed to be really long? And what about LOTR? ---
**Author:** ![Damfino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Damfino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damfino)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/6 "2014-05-16T23:38:39Z")
From one of the Molesworth books: o. twist get his chips ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/7 "2014-05-16T23:58:43Z")
Other long books exist. I didn’t realise when you said “other people” that you meant \*specific \*other people. I was referring to the intolerable paid-by-the-word way Dickens padded things out. ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2014, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/8 "2014-05-17T00:45:29Z")
> [@Teacake](#): > > Other long books exist. I didn’t realise when you said “other people” that you meant \*specific \*other people. I was referring to the intolerable paid-by-the-word way Dickens padded things out. In fact that reminds me of a bit of an Icelandic family saga. A medieval Dickens might have written something like: _ **The Saga of Oliver Agnesarson, by Anonymous** _ “There was a man called Edwin Leeford, who lived somewhere in England. Edwin was the son of a merchant and he was married to Elizabeth\*. They had a son called Edward who was called Monks later in life…” _name borrowed from the Bleasdale adaptation._ Also, this was meant to be along the lines of the LOTR parody thread. ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2014, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/9 "2014-05-17T02:12:33Z")
> [@Teacake](#): > > Other long books exist. I didn’t realise when you said “other people” that you meant \*specific \*other people. I was referring to the intolerable paid-by-the-word way Dickens padded things out. [Ahem.](http://dickens.ucsc.edu/resources/faq/by-the-word.html) ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2014, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/10 "2014-05-17T07:51:38Z")
> [@Flywheel](#): > > [Ahem.](http://dickens.ucsc.edu/resources/faq/by-the-word.html) Surprisingly I didn’t know that. Thanks. Anyone else have a parody for this thread? ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2014, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/11 "2014-05-17T12:22:27Z")
A la Dr Seuss: “I’d like some more gruel, Yes, I’d like it a lot,” Said Oliver Twist As he looked in the pot. “More?! He wants More?” Mr Bumble did scream, “I do not want him here, He is like a bad dream.” “I will run off to London, Thought Oliver, “Fock it. “I’ll work for old Fagin Pickin’ some pockets.” ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2014, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/12 "2014-05-17T12:35:17Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > A la Dr Seuss: > > “I’d like some more gruel, > Yes, I’d like it a lot,” > Said Oliver Twist > As he looked in the pot. > > “More?! He wants More?” > Mr Bumble did scream, > “I do not want him here, > He is like a bad dream.” > > “I will run off to London, > Thought Oliver, “Fock it. > “I’ll work for old Fagin > Pickin’ some pockets.” That is awesome. You just won the Internet! What Dr. Seuss is that in the style of? Or is it just generic Dr. Seuss? I thought of _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2014, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/13 "2014-05-17T13:10:24Z")
Wish I could be so talented…sigh:) ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/14 "2014-05-17T19:04:43Z")
> [@Flywheel](#): > > [Ahem.](http://dickens.ucsc.edu/resources/faq/by-the-word.html) Yes, I should have made it clear that I was short-handing what I couldn’t be bothered to write about installments. The way it comes across, clearly or the myth wouldn’t be so pervasive, is that he was being paid to write as many words as he possibly could. Being paid by the installment, he still had the incentive to make things as long as possible, which makes him excruciatingly dull. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/15 "2014-05-17T19:31:56Z")
Dull?? DULL??? Are we talking about the same Dickens?? I grant you that 1800s writing style (and even early 1900s) was more relaxed and descriptive than today’s action-only-six-sex-scenes-per-page-and-no-description-all-dialog style, but I can’t imagine Dickens as dull. (Well, OK, some stuff, but then so’s everyone.) ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2014, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/16 "2014-05-18T00:28:14Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > Dull?? DULL??? Are we talking about the same Dickens?? > > I grant you that 1800s writing style (and even early 1900s) was more relaxed and descriptive than today’s action-only-six-sex-scenes-per-page-and-no-description-all-dialog style, but I can’t imagine Dickens as dull. (Well, OK, some stuff, but then so’s everyone.) Maybe they’re talking about the way the writing style itself can seem wordy compared to today’s writing style. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2014, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/17 "2014-05-18T00:39:58Z")
I haven’t the genius to do it; can anyone come up with Oliver Twist as written by Ayn Rand? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2014, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/18 "2014-05-18T12:31:47Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I haven’t the genius to do it; can anyone come up with Oliver Twist as written by Ayn Rand? 😛 Not gonna spend much time on this, but: Oliver is first seen taking his gruel and throwing it in Mr Bumble’s face, then delivering a speech about how the orphanage is socialisticm, and how it’s immoral for these orphans to be taking gruel from the public. In London, he organizes Fagin’s group of pick-pocketing youth into a massive military-industrial organization… ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2014, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/19 "2014-05-19T10:08:26Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > Not gonna spend much time on this, but: > Oliver is first seen taking his gruel and throwing it in Mr Bumble’s face, then delivering a speech about how the orphanage is socialisticm, and how it’s immoral for these orphans to be taking gruel from the public. In London, he organizes Fagin’s group of pick-pocketing youth into a massive military-industrial organization… Whoa. That’s surreal. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431/20 "2014-05-19T19:09:21Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I haven’t the genius to do it; can anyone come up with Oliver Twist as written by Ayn Rand? 😛 I’ll see if I have time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-oliver-twist-was-written-by-someone-else/688431.md?page=2)