# What IF our cats took over the SDMB? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 7, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992 "2003-04-07T03:57:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/41 "2003-04-07T22:27:46Z")
> [@](#): > > Daddy took my brothers down to the river in a sack. Should I be worried? I’ve been chuckling all day about that one, and now I see this: > [@](#): > > Dogs superior to Cats? Get your racist ass in here, DogIsGod Bwahahaha ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/42 "2003-04-08T00:16:23Z")
You win the catnip Siegfried! That was some funny feline musings 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/43 "2003-04-08T02:41:12Z")
Persian carpet or antique mahogany table: what works best for the sharpest claws? ---
**Author:** ![petcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5fc32e/32.png) [@petcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/petcat)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/44 "2003-04-08T03:14:41Z")
How can I get over my fear of vacuum cleaners? Toddlers - Attack or Ignore? A week on the run - my trip to the Unknown Should I be jealous of the turtle? OH MY FUCKING GHOD A TICK! GET IT OFF ME!! (long) Which puss do you think of while dry humping the blanket? (poll) [Lee Meriwether](http://www.geocities.com/~1966/gueststar45.htm) or [Michelle Pfeiffer](http://www.art.com/asp/sp.asp?PD=10030818)? ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/45 "2003-04-08T03:50:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by petcat \* > \*\*OH MY FUCKING GHOD A TICK! GET IT OFF ME!! (long) > > \*\* Now THAT is friggin’ hilarious, in light of the recent sp\*der incident. ---
**Author:** ![Siegfried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Siegfried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siegfried)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/46 "2003-04-08T04:17:15Z")
I apologize in advance if there are actually Dopers named Hello, Kitty, and DogIsGod. Anyway, in light of the fun I had with my cat this evening, I’m sure the following threads would be started (all of them in the Pit): – My weird owner is staring at me as he walks into and out of the bathroom. – Damn, when am I ever going to learn to NOT BE FOOLED BY KITTY TREATS!!! – MY OWNER JUST WASHED MY ASS! – I am going to “give” me owner a hairball on his nice laptop. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/47 "2003-04-08T08:04:15Z")
Curiosity doesn’t kill cats, dogs kill cats ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/48 "2003-04-08T12:39:44Z")
MPSIMS: You wouldn’t believe the size of the hairball I just coughed up (WAY TMI). IMHO: POLL: Which of your 9-Lives are you on? GD: Should catnip be outlawed. Cafe Society: Which to see: CATS or LION KING? ---
**Author:** ![if\_you\_don\_t\_know\_i\_won\_t\_tell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/fbc32d/32.png) [@if\_you\_don\_t\_know\_i\_won\_t\_tell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if_you_don_t_know_i_won_t_tell)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/49 "2003-04-08T12:52:07Z")
I think my cat Foof’s only post would be “My pink blanky I love my pink blanky” and it’d show up in every single thread. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/50 "2003-04-08T12:52:14Z")
Another Great Debate: First Cat Socks’s Death. Was it suicide or another Clinton murder? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_Who](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c2a13f/32.png) [@The\_Man\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_Who)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/51 "2003-04-08T19:09:20Z")
**About the Message Board** Ignore function? I can ignore just fine without it, thanks. **Comments on Cecil’s Columns** [Did Adam and Eve’s **cat** have a belly button?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_001a.html) **Cafe Society** Time again for the “What book are you laying on top of while the Big Guy is trying to read it?” thread **MPSIMS** Omigod! Is that a plastic bag???!!! Let the pouncing commence!!! **IMHO** [When will the ass dreams stop?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=172933) ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/52 "2003-04-08T21:04:15Z")
Why I’m sick of lead-lined boxes (enough with the gedankenexperiments, already!) ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/53 "2003-04-08T21:23:01Z")
[ul] [li]Ten ways to screw with your human.[/li][li]Let your human post here![/li][li]Why toilets are evil.[/li][li]Is discussing catnip use against the rules?[/li][li]DO NOT FEED THE DOGS![/li][li]Fluffy, you mouse-feltching asshat!!![/li][li]The Great Mouse Recipe Thread[/li][li]So, I was neutered yesterday…[TMI][/li][li]How can I stop my breath from smelling like cat food?[/li][li]Grooming. Tongue or paws?[/li][li]What makes my litter smell like ammonia?[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/54 "2003-04-09T01:39:18Z")
So I just ate some string and now…(TMI) Need a hiding place-some suggestions? Not ANOTHER kitten! ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/55 "2003-04-09T02:50:42Z")
Best keyboard uses – nap or type? Pay attention to me! Where does cat food come from? Leave me alone! Favorite nature documentary Canine coprophagy and the litterbox Great collar escapes I finally got out the door – where’d the ceiling go? Is there anything more evil than a car ride? I am NOT a vegetarian! Best paper bag brand HobbesJr’s first mouse! ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/56 "2003-04-09T04:00:10Z")
If it were **my** cats taking over, there would be no threads, no posts, no nothing. They’re too busy (respectively) intently watching the fishtank that we’ve had for two years but that has only this week been deemed worthy of interest; standing on my lap, refusing to sit or lie down and take the weight off those sharp little paws; and sneaking out via the balcony in order to bring dead things back in. And **Mr. Jim** , I’ve seen that picture somewhere before (hi)! ---
**Author:** ![Nanook\_of\_the\_North\_Shore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc8723/32.png) [@Nanook\_of\_the\_North\_Shore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanook_of_the_North_Shore)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/57 "2003-04-09T15:51:52Z")
Pit: My stupid monkey doesn’t provide his lap for me enough! And boy, is my sig appropriate for this thread or what? ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/58 "2003-04-09T17:11:04Z")
~ I am going to GET that gosh darned fish!! ~ Why is it so much fun to barf on the bed in the middle of the night? ~ Mommy doesn’t like it when I lick the blinds and the window … ~ Seriously, what do I need to do to GET that damned fish? ~ How can I dig chicken bones and cheese wrappers out of the garbage bag without anyone hearing me? ~ HELP! Daddy says Bucky Katt from “Get Fuzzy” isn’t real - is he lying? ~ I am NOT wearing that thing around my neck, you fascist!! ~ PLEASE, I _really_ need to GET THAT F\*CKING GOLDFISH! ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/59 "2003-04-09T17:52:12Z")
My guess, actually, is that if their thoughts could be transplated to posts, it would be a lot less intelligent than what’s been suggested here. It would look something like this: hummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummana I’M HUNGRY TIME TO EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT tried now time to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I’m up hummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummana (Fifteen minutes of brain in neutral) I SEE SOMETHING MOVING CHASE IT CHASE IT GET IT CHASE IT oh, it’s nothing hummanahummanahummanahummana (Twenty minutes of brain in neutral) time to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I’m up hummanahummanahummanahummana I love my Mommy I want her to pet me and scratch me that feels nice WHAT’S THAT CHASE IT CHASE IT CHASE IT CHASE IT oh it’s nothing. hummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummana zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I’m up I’M HUNGRY GIVE ME TREATS GIVE ME TREATS GIMMEGIMMEGIMME yum zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I’m up hummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummana AHHHHHH A DOG RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN got away hummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummanahummana zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I’m up Birds outside nice birds tasty birds wish I could chase them but invisible barrier in the way HEY WHAT’S THAT CHASE IT CHASE IT what was I doing? I’m hungry again ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992/60 "2003-04-09T18:20:54Z")
MPTIMS: My favorite sounds: the refrigerator door, the cheese box door, the rustling of the cheese pack, the rustling of a slice of cheese being unwrapped, and my monkey [love that term!] saying, “BWABWABWA CHEESE?” Yum! I love cheese! Poll: Are you allowed to sleep with your monkeys? And where exactly do you sleep on the bed? Do you wake them up in the morning? Poll: What’s the funniest thing your monkey has ever done? Have you ever seen one of them take as shower? GQ: Why do humans shower and not groom? And what’s up with their head hair, anyway? And how can they stand using those hairdryers? Pit rants: Your stereo speakers are better than that crummy scratching post and better located too, so of course I’m going to scratch on it… what were you music-loving monkeys thinking?!? Also, some of your music sucks and you often play it too loudly and you shouldn’t turn it on if I’m napping near the speakers! Pit rant: #\*%@ you, you mongrel dog who lives next door and who barks all the time! You’re an IDIOT! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-if-our-cats-took-over-the-sdmb/166992.md?page=4)